We’ve all been there. You’re trying to control your thoughts so can maintain a positive attitude and attract good things into your life. Then, BAM!, something happens that sends your thoughts completely out of alignment with what you want and you start having those conversations with yourself that are not good. Would you like a fast, easy way of getting back on track? Keep reading.
If you’ve ever had a conversation with a four-year-old, you know that the child is always in control of the conversation.
If you’ve ever purchased anything with a high price tag, like a car or piece of furniture, you’ve also probably noticed that the salesperson is always in control of the conversation.
What we need to learn from the four-year-old and the professional sales person is how to control a conversation, with the intent here of controlling the conversations we have within our own mind.
Most of the time, we start conversations, including the ones with ourselves, with a statement. To a four-year-old, you might say, “It’s time to eat. Come inside and wash your hands.” The four-year-old will respond with something like, “Why?” So you come back with, “because dinner is ready.” Four-year-old: “But why do I have to wash my hands?” Back and forth you go until someone gives up or gives in.
Let’s look at the buying a car situation. You start with, “I need to buy a new car.” The salesperson asks, “What kind of payments are you looking for?” You might counter with, “I’m going to pay cash, so the payments are not an issue.” The salesperson will respond with, “Well, then, what kind of price range are we looking at?”
Now, take a moment to go back and look at the comments of the four-year-old and the salesperson. Do you notice a pattern here? That’s right – they both use questions. And if you’ve ever been in either scenario, you know that the four-year-old, or the salesperson, had control of that conversation.
How can we use this information to gain control of our internal dialogue? Here’s what you need to do.
The next time you find yourself reacting to a situation in a way you don’t like, maybe you’re not acting out, you’re just having those negative conversations with yourself and you want to get control of them, start asking yourself questions. Let me give you a few of my favorites, and then we’ll come back and look at some specific examples.
How can I get control of this situation?
How can I feel better about this?
How can I get my point across more clearly?
What could I do, right now, to calm myself down?
Who could help me with this?
If I could leave this situation right now and go anywhere in the world, where would I go?
Am I viewing this situation from the perspective of truth? Or am I allowing the way the situation appears to control me?
A few weeks ago, I found myself completely out of my sleep medication. I don’t use it on a regular basis, and I was going to try to get off of it completely. I realized that there are just going to be certain times when I need help falling asleep and that’s why these medications exist. So I called my doctor’s office to ask for a refill. I called early in the day knowing that these things take time. I was told that it would be “no problem,” but that they would call me if they encountered a problem. At 4 PM, I went to my local pharmacy to pick up the prescription, but my doctor’s office had never called it in. I came back home and attempted to call the office, but they were closed – and this was Friday. I started to panic. Then I became upset with myself for panicking. My internal dialogue went something like this:
“This is your fault, Debra. You should have called the pharmacy earlier in the day. You should have known the doctor’s office would close early on a Friday. You shouldn’t have waited until Friday to call. You should not have waited until you were completely out before asking for a refill.” And on, and on, and on. For hours.
Finally, I decided I would just have to be okay with it. I mean, there was really nothing more I could do. I called my doctor at home and left a message, but I did not hear back from him until after the pharmacy had already closed. So my internal dialogue turned to something like this:
“I am okay with this. I didn’t sleep last night, so surely, I will sleep tonight. And if I don’t sleep, that’s okay, too.”
Then, I remembered something I’d heard or read recently that said when you have a goal, ask yourself “how?” I laughed and thought, “Okay, Debra, how could you get your hands on some Ambien before 10PM tonight?” Then I started to laugh out loud because I realized that this must be how drug addicts think!
But as I was laughing at myself and just enjoying the moment and truly “letting go,” I suddenly remembered that a couple of weeks before I had noticed in my pill case that I keep in my purse for travel, that there was half a pill left over from my last trip. Amazing! The moment I let go and asked a simple question of how to get what I wanted, the universe responded to me – immediately.
Question number seven from the list above is from Wallace Wattles’ The Science of Getting Rich, which I evaluated in detail a couple of weeks ago. Wattles says that we can control our thoughts by focusing on truth. In my situation with the sleep medication, the truth was that I was not out of Ambien, it just appeared that I was, and I let appearances get the best of me.
Focusing on the truth can be tough because outwardly, we don’t always know what the truth is. But our higher self knows. My internal consciousness knew what was in my travel case – the entire time that I was fuming mad at my doctor’s office. My work, was to get control of that conversation, by asking the question.
You don’t have to wait for an upsetting situation to try this technique. Would you like to get control of your internal dialogue? Start asking questions. It really works!