I have a friend who says, “Okay!” to everything.  Even when she’s not okay.  Let me explain.

I have watched her in business meetings where a confrontation is brewing.  When the debate heats up and someone demands something of her, even if it is next to impossible, her response is, “Okay!”  in a cheerful, “I can do that for you” tone.

Now, I’m all for being cheerful and having an “I can do it,” attitude.  The problem is that my friend says “okay” when what she means to say, and needs to say is, “I understand.”

This is not a grammar lesson or a lesson on semantics.  This is a power language lesson today – mostly for women.  Women tend to be people-pleasers and that can be a very good thing.  But saying “okay” when something is clearly not sets us all up for disappointment.  Let me give you an example.

We were working on a project together and the demands of the client company’s CEO were not only unreasonable, they didn’t even make sense.  He obviously had no prior experience with the type of project we were working on together and had no clue as to how to set expectations.  I was told that I was hired for my expertise in this area, but this guy was a “bulldog,” if you know what I mean.

In the meeting, the CEO raised his voice and demanded, X, Y, and Z.  My friend and co-worker immediately responded with “Okay!”

My jaw dropped!  X, Y, and Z combined would have created a disaster.  Luckily I was able to keep my cool and come back with, “Wait a minute.  Are you sure you want that?  Because this is what you’re going to get if you do that.  I recommend . . . .”

Notice that I did not say, “I think we should . . . “  This is another non-powerful statement I hear women say every day in business situations.  We can assume you “think” it if you’re saying it.  It’s rather impossible to say something you don’t think.  Get it?

And don’t say, “What we need to do is . . .” unless you truly plan to be in on the implementation.  That’s kind of like a dentist asking, “how long have we had this problem,” when the problem is only in the patient’s mouth.  Don’t own other people’s problems.

Instead, start using powerful phrases such as, “I recommend, I understand, I propose, or I suggest.”  If you are new to the company or client and feel that your authority might be questioned, try, “based on my 15 years of experience in this area, I suggest . . .”

Another good phrase is, “In my 20 years of working with issues such as these, I have witnessed . . . “  Which is much better than, “It’s going to be bad.  I’m telling you, it’s not going to work out.  I’ve seen this before, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and you better listen to me,” etc.

Now, how do go from speaking “in the moment” and often from a moment of weakness to speaking powerfully?

Practice.  Just like my husband and I used to practice piano for an hour every day when we were growing up, we still practice business skills we need to learn.  Practice is the only true way I know of to get good at anything.  Even if you have a natural talent for something, practice will make you better, smoother, and clearer.

How can you practice saying the right thing before you get into a high-power situation?  Visualize.  When you find yourself saying, “I wish I’d said . . .”  Take a moment to visualize the situation where you didn’t handle things as smoothly as you would have liked, and imagine yourself saying what you wish you’d said instead.  Over time, you will start saying the right things.

Also, write out powerful sentences and practice them in front of a mirror.  Practice them in the car.  Once your mouth gets used to saying certain things, it will say those words, just as easily as it says, “Okay!”

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Posted under Motivation