This next dysfunction is one that I could simply post the title, and everyone would be in agreement.  “Uh-huh. Yep.  She’s right.”  We all know it, we’ve all seen it and witnessed it first hand:

Dysfunction number five:  Lack of Respect

This is one of those, “It’s true of everyone else but me” topics.  It’s easy to point out disrespect in others but we never want to admit to it ourselves.  So let me start out by saying I know that I have been disrespectful throughout my lifetime.  I won’t go into many details since they would be irrelevant, but let’s just say that my family, in particular my parents, have seen me at my worst.  (I’ll share one story later.)  However, I cannot remember a time when I was as disrespectful to my boss, co-workers, or clients as what I have witnessed in dental offices among staff. 

I have heard of team members fighting with one another over a patient while the patient was in the chair.  I mean literally fist fighting overtop of the patient!  (Not in our office, thankfully.)  I have personally heard a team member be disrespectful to the dentist while assisting him, and lack of respect between co-workers in this industry is all too common.  Any display of a lack of respect toward your boss or a co-worker in front of a patient is disrespectful to the patient because it sends the message that you are not at all concerned with the patient’s needs.  This would be a good time to remind everyone of my post on Customer Service in the Dental Practice.

Lack of respect can be linked back to a lack of professionalism.  Until I started working for my husband in 2000, I had always worked in truly professional environments.  My co-workers came to work with positive, professional, intent.  When there was a dispute between co-workers, we addressed it directly, or in private with our immediate supervisor.  Sure, there were a few occasions when people had to agree to disagree; in those cases company policy won out.  I cannot remember a time when someone was blatantly disrespectful toward a supervisor. 

I can remember one time when a new receptionist for the training company I worked for was rude to a client trying to cancel a pre-paid engagement.  She thought she was doing the right thing by enforcing the company’s no refund policy, but she took her tone a little too far.  There were several of us who overheard the conversation, and we were curious as to what our boss would do.  She allowed the receptionist to finish the conversation, but as soon as she was off the phone, my boss let her know that her tone, her words, and her thinking were out of line.  The receptionist apologized, call the client back, and never made that mistake again.  In other words, she acted professionally, with respect toward everyone involved.

When I started working for my husband, the level of professionalism he allowed was atrocious.  And believe me, I was no one’s best friend when I started raising the bar.  He didn’t like me either when several couldn’t take it and quit!  This is not an easy matter to deal with.  But as a leader, you’ve got to let your team know what respect is and seriously, this could mean literally educating them that it’s not just a word spelled out in a song! 

I had one employee who thought that respect was nothing more than referring to others as, “Ma’am,” or “Sir.”  Needless to say, she had little respect for others.  When we tried to explain to her that we show respect toward others in our demeanor, our tone, our choice of words, and the timing of confrontations, the concept was totally over her head.  Or so she pretended.

If you are a dentist or team leader trying to get control of the attitudes in your office and you see a lack of respect, here are a few things to try.  First, confront the offender(s) and let her know what is offensive.  Don’t assume she knows.  I know it’s sad, but my experience tells me that many people have not been taught what respect truly is.  Be as specific as possible.  For example, “Betty, hitting Elaine in the mouth while Mrs. Jones was in the chair was disrespectful to Elaine, Mrs. Jones, me as your employer, and to yourself for behaving unprofessionally.  If this happens again, you will be terminated immediately.  In the meantime, I will be watching your behavior and will have as many discussions as it takes to help you learn how to show respect toward others.  Are you willing to work on this?”  Okay, maybe that’s an extreme example.  How about this one.  “Betty, the tone you took with me this morning while assisting me with Mrs. Jones is unacceptable.  Have I done something to lose your respect?”

Your employee’s answers to these types of questions will tell you whether you have someone worth working with, or someone who needs to be replaced.  Be sure to point out how far the disrespect goes.  Two employees “fighting” shows a lack of respect not just toward each other, but to their employer, and the patients.  How can we possibly expect to provide excellent care while having such a lack of respect for the people we work with?

Another aspect that is often over-looked is that more often than not, a person who outwardly shows disrespect toward others often has little to no self-respect.  Think about it for a moment.  If a person truly respected herself, would she behave this way to begin with?  This probably also goes back to one’s upbringing.  I can’t remember what I was upset about, but I do remember a time when I was a child throwing a fit over something I wanted in a store.  My mother took me to the car, having done none of her shopping, and drove home.  When we got home, she spanked me.  When I asked why she was spanking me when all I was trying to do was get her to see how much I wanted the item, probably a Barbie doll, she said, “When you behave like that, it makes you look bad, and it makes me look bad.  From now on, when I tell you No, you will respect what I say, or we will do this all over again.  Do you understand?”  I understood all right.  From that point on, if my mother said No, I asked my grandmother! (A day or two later and never in front of my mother – I wasn’t stupid!)

But not everyone had a mother like mine – and our society shows it.  Not that I am perfect, but I do know what respect means and how to show it.  I even know that there are times when you show respect, even if you don’t necessarily share the same value with someone, just because it’s the polite thing to do.  The greatest challenge I’ve ever had with respect was with my employees at my husband’s dental practice.  Luckily, I was able to figure out that some of my respect problems were stemming from my own attitudes and behaviors.  See my post on Why You Should Never Let Yourself Go for how I handled that situation.  When the problem was squarely on the employee, her employment was terminated – eventually.

As a leader, look at yourself and the attitudes you project first.  Dentistry is a highly stressful career field, and it’s easy to let others get the best of us.  Sure, it’s probably someone else’s fault and problem, but make sure you have your own house in order as well.  After all, the first person you always lead is you.

To read Part Six, click here.

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