Self-discipline has been a topic of great interest to me for as long as I can remember.  Recently while reminiscing with a high-school classmate she made the observation, “Debra, you were always so much more mature than the rest of us!”  I never saw myself that way back then, but looking back, I suppose it was that strive toward order and control that sometimes drove my friends nuts!

That’s not to say that I haven’t matured since high school – I certainly hope I have!  But self-discipline means something entirely different to me these days.  Instead of mere willpower to create a plan and adhere rigidly to it, requiring great fetes of strength of mind, will, and character, I now approach self-discipline as the ability to do the right things according to my highest good and to change course immediately if need be.  Allow me to explain.

My old paradigm of self-discipline was to create a plan of action and follow it to the letter.  Thoughts – words – planning – action.  Eventually, if you stick with your plan, accomplishment ensues.  While this paradigm certainly works and served me well for many years, I’ve outgrown it.

My new paradigm is this:  Desire – Insight – Achievement.  What’s the advantage?  SPEED! 

Over the years, I’ve learned that anything and everything I’ve ever wanted was always within my grasp, I just had to get out of my own way, out of my limited way of thinking, and allow it into my experience.  How?  By allowing the intelligence of the universe that God originally put into motion to work for me.  You see, we get what we think about the way we think about it whether that’s what we want or not.  Let me give you an example relating to money.  A lot of people worry about money.  A lot of people say they want more money.  So they worry about how to get more money.  They worry about someone taking their money away from them, something happening to them, etc.  (I’m stopping now – remember, Be Careful What You Cause Others to Picture.)

Worrying about money brings you more worrying about money.  What these people find is, if they apply my old paradigm to making money, once they get it, they have to set a new goal immediately in order to feel safe.  They feel as if they must constantly be working toward achieving the next goal.  It’s like a task just waiting to be done – once it’s done, so what?  Next task.  It’s the only way to keep the worrying at bay, but it’s only temporary.  Eventually, the next goal is achieved and you’re back to worrying again because that’s what you’re attracting to yourself is worry about money.  Let me paint a better picture for you – a real life example.

My ex-husband and I used to sell life insurance.  We spent our days in other people’s homes listening to their fears about money.  We were shocked one day to meet a couple who, together, made $10,000 a year, had $5,000 in the bank, and thought they were very wealthy.  (By emphasizing the word, thought, I’m not making a judgment, simply wanting you to make the connection.) They were proud of how much money they had, earned, and tithed to their church. 

Successful self-discipline doesn’t take you to a state of doing, but rather to a state of being.  This couple just wanted to be happy, have happy kids (2), and have enough money to live happily and tithe to their church.  (To people in this area, tithing 10% of whatever you make is, for the most part, their way of giving what they owe of their abundance back to God by giving it to their church.  Anything they give to charities is considered “above-and-beyond,” and doesn’t count, except for tax purposes!)

So if developing the self-discipline to be what you desire as much of the time as possible is the goal, how does one achieve that?  Here’s what I’ve learned.

Step 1: Define what you want.  Is it a material item, condition, or state of being?  A state of being is the easiest to accomplish since all you have to do is make the decision to be it and you’re there.  Planning can help you maintain that state.  For example, if your goal is to be happy, simply make the decision to be happy right now, but plan how to stay there or create that state as often as possible.  It would be worthwhile to create a list of the things, conditions, feelings, etc. that make you happy – that would be your plan.  If you’re seeking something material or other than a state of being, move on to Step 2.

Step 2: Answer this question:  Why?  Why do you want this?  What would having this accomplish for you?  Most of the time, we desire things because we think they would make us happy.  That’s why lots of motivational gurus and law of attraction teachers tell us to just be happy in the now, but there are other states of being worth striving for – pride, free of worry, confident, relaxed.  Yes, I know, most of these are just synonyms for happiness, but I love to define things in many ways and find it helps to do so.

Step 3:  Describe the essence, feeling, or quality that having this item would bring you.  How will you feel once you have accomplished this goal or acquired this item?  How would you feel about it? Visualize your life once your goal has been obtained.  How are you different?

For example, one of my desires is a new house.  Instead of going into all the reasons that I think I want a new house, or why I deserve a new house, or listing everything that is wrong with my current house, I simply focus on how I would feel about my new house:    Proud.  I will take excellent care of it.  It will be organized and clean. 

Step 4:  Create affirmations that establish your “being-ness.”  In other words, you have achieved your desire, therefore you are _____________.  Start your affirmations with, “I am . . .”  I am proud of my home and take excellent care of it.  My home is organized and clean.

Step 5:  Share the wealth.  Help others who are seeking the same thing get it.  We get more of what we want by helping others get what they want.  If you can’t make a direct correlation between what you want and helping others get it, what do you have to give?  What are your talents?  How can you be of service?  How can you find the people who want what you have to offer?

Step 6:  Stay the course.  Perhaps the highest endeavor to attempt in life is that of making up your mind and sticking with it, while still being able to perceive when you’re off the path.  Once you find your true life’s path, this will be much easier to do.  That’s not to say that you won’t constantly want more or change your mind about certain specifics; we are constantly experiencing new things and creating new desires.  That’s the nature of life.  Actions create outcomes and we either like the outcome and want more or we don’t like the outcome and change course.  But once you decide on your overriding desire, stay true to it.  Otherwise, know that each time you change your mind there could be an increased delay in what you want coming to you.  I’ve written about this before in the Value of Persistence.

Step 7:  Obey your subconscious.  Once you begin acting out of your desired state of being, you will start to get “clues” as to what you should do.  This is your higher self, or God, speaking to you.  Listen and do as you’re told.  That is self-discipline.

Until next time,

Live joyfully!

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