I attended my first Toastmasters meeting last Thursday evening.  This is a startup group in Maysville, Kentucky so we had members from other chapters attending to show us how a proper meeting is conducted.  While there is a standard format that all groups are required to follow, each chapter does have the privilege of adapting certain rules to meet their needs.

One point of contention among the visiting members was the use of a bell used by the “Ah counter/Grammarian” to mark the use of filler words anytime such a word was used while the member was presenting a topic.  Several members voiced their annoyance at the use of the bell and at first, I also found the bell annoying, until I found out why it was being used.

As a professional speaker, I would be horribly offended at someone who rang a bell during my speech for any reason whatsoever.  But as an educator, I saw the need for the bell as the night wore on.  As each speaker took the podium to perform for us, it became abundantly clear which members came from clubs who utilized the bell and which ones did not; the speakers familiar with the bell were much better speakers.

Not everyone who joins Toastmasters is out to become a platform speaker.  Many people join simply to improve their speech and most business people join to become better communicators in their work.  This is the most important aspect of communication – everyday use.  While most people find it annoying to listen to a speaker who uses Um’s and Ah’s every other word, once the speech is over, it’s over, and we move on – so the speaker wasn’t the best, big deal.  What were his main points and what did I learn from his message?  If that can be answered, I’ll forgive the Uh’s and Um’s. 

There are much more important reasons to eliminate fillers from your everyday vocabulary; when you use Um, Uh, or any other filler, it says one of two things about you to the listener.  Either one, you don’t know what you’re talking about, and therefore have no authority.  Or two, you’re making up something in your head, i.e. you’re lying.  Let me give you two examples.

My husband is a Dentist and spends a lot of time each year in continuing education learning more and more advanced techniques.  He performs a lot of advanced procedures and therefore, gets a lot of questions about them.  When I listen to him on the phone making a follow-up call, it’s sometimes painful; he uses “um” a lot.  What’s going through his head when a patient asks a question is; how do I translate this into terms the patient can understand? (He knows everything in clinical terms, but the layperson would not – therefore, he must translate.)  He also has to try to remember the intellectual level of the patient.  In other words, how basic does he need to get?  He also has to remember the personality of the patient and decide if he or she is requesting lots of details, or the big picture.  While his mind is trying to decipher all of this, his mouth is going “Uuuhhh.”

Now think of this from the patient’s perspective.  Let’s say that you’ve been in his office for an onlay (advanced kind of filling).  You were numbed for the procedure and it took place late in the afternoon – around 3 PM.  It is now 6:30 and your Dentist, (my husband), is calling to see how you’re doing and you ask, “How long do I need to wait before I can eat?”  You know that the onlay was “cemented in” and are curious as to whether getting it wet would be an issue.  What you’re looking for is an easy answer - something like, “2 hours.” 

What’s going through my husband’s mind is this:  She was numbed up 3.5 hours ago, she could still be numb (everyone reacts differently).  If she eats while still numb, she could bite her cheek or tongue and be really sore and I don’t want that to happen.  She could also have a high bite and not know it yet because she’s numb and if she eats on that side with a high bite it could cause the tooth to be sore, etc. etc. etc.  He’s also trying to decide if the patient could handle all of this information – usually not – so he’s trying to figure out exactly the best way to answer the question.  What comes out of his mouth while all this mental processing is going on is, “Uuuuuhhhhhh.”  Then, he usually asks another question like, “Are you still numb?” takes it from there and is fine after that.  If the patient asks another question, though, the process starts all over again. 

If you are the patient in this scenario and you hear, “Uuuhhh,” you could be thinking, “Oh no!  I’ve gone to a Dentist who doesn’t even know how long I should wait before eating!”  Luckily, for my husband, by the time he reaches this point, his patient has some familiarity with him and knows that’s not the case.  However, for most us in this situation, our authority is questioned.

Let’s look at another example.  You’re in an electronics store seriously considering a new DVD player.  You ask the salesperson, “How much is this one?”  The first thing you hear is a long, “Ummmm.”  What’s your next thought?  If you’re like me, it’s something like:  Oh, boy.   Here we go.  He’s sizing me up trying to figure out how much he can take me for.  Why do all these guys have to be such jerks?  There is no set price for this DVD player – he’s making it up as he goes.  When the salesperson finally comes back with a number, bam, you know he’s lying.  Why?  Simply because he used a filler while he collected his thoughts.

Now don’t get me wrong here.  There are a lot of you out there who use these words and we both know that you’re not a bad or dishonest person, nor are you stupid.  But rest assured, my friend, there are people out there who judge you daily based on these seemingly minor flaws in your communication.  So how are they overcome?

1. Awareness.  The trouble with filler words is that we are completely unaware that we’re using them.  My filler word when I first started training was, “okay.”  I probably said “okay” fifteen times every ten minutes.  During my first week with ExecuTrain, I was video taped and told to watch for the “okay’s.”  I was dumbfounded!  I couldn’t believe how many times I used that word. 
2. Practice and persistence.  Once I became aware of the problem, I started hearing it myself while it was happening.  For the next few weeks, when I was teaching a class, I would make a mark on a sheet of paper every time I heard myself say, “okay.”  Just doing that immediately reduced the number of times I used it and eventually eliminated it all together.  Then I started marking other filler words until I had them all eliminated.
3. Silence.  Instead of saying Um, say nothing.  It’s okay to take a moment to stop and think.  What you don’t realize is how little time it takes your brain to process all the information it needs and come back with an intelligent response.  When I was video taped in college during a teaching presentation, I had what I thought were several long pauses.  I was embarrassed and thought my professor would take points off for them.  When I watched the video, I was amazed at how little time actually passed while I was thinking of an appropriate answer to a question posed by someone from my audience. 
4. Substitution.  If you need to look something up, say so.  If you don’t know the answer to a question off the top of your head, instead of saying, “Uh,” say, “I’m not sure; let me look that up for you.”  No one expects you to know everything about everything.  In fact, most of us get annoyed with people who pretend to know everything!

As a professional speaker, I have a love-hate relationship with the Toastmasters bell.  As a business communications instructor, I know its value.  Ringing that bell made each presenter aware of her discretion.  Repeated use of it did work to make the speaker stop and think before using it again.  Audiotaping would also make a speaker aware of filler words and an even greater reinforcement would be the use of video.  We never see ourselves three dimensionally, so we have no clue as to how we’re presenting ourselves to others.  Video is the closest thing we have to getting a realistic picture of all our communication skills, verbal and non-verbal.  The best thing about video is that you get to see not only what you’re doing wrong, but also what you’re doing right.  Issues I thought were huge while I was presenting came across as very minor – and vice versa!  So watch yourself every chance you get.

Your Assignment

If you have an opportunity to video yourself speaking, even in an every day situation, do it.  If not, try borrowing an audio recording device and record a role-play scenario with a co-worker.  Listen for filler words and anything else that could potentially misrepresent you to your client.  If you find yourself guilty of certain verbal “faux pas,” keep practicing and recording yourself until you have them eliminated from your everyday communication.

Posted under Education