As a motivational speaker and seminar leader, I am often inundated at the close of an event with questions.  “Should I do this or that?  How should I handle this difficulty?  How do I get out of this?  What decision should I make about . . . ?”

Of course I’m always polite as I am always willing to help others – it is, after all, why I’m here.

Most of the time, my answers come from my own perspective and knowledge.  I mean, if you think about it, how could they not?  I only know what I know, right?  And that is probably the “wisdom” that most people are seeking, so it serves its purpose.

However, there is a way that you can know, from your own perception and good judgment, the answer to most of your questions.  Let me explain.

I went through a time when I had a difficult time making decisions.  Most people, but especially women, have struggled with this at some point in their life and many suffer from it chronically.  We could spend a lot of time debating the cause(s); low self-esteem, paternal issues, past or present controlling relationships – you know the drill.  But this post is about the solution, and you’re going to be amazed at its simplicity.

Several years ago I learned that the best way to control a conversation, even one with yourself, is to answer a question with a question.  For example, a typical sales technique is that when a prospective client asks a question such as, “Do you make any guarantees with your product,” your response should be, “Is that important to you?”

When I am trying to solve a dilemma in my own life, I’ll start asking questions.  (It’s very useful to use a journal for this so that you see your evolution.)

In the end, every situation boils down to this:  What kind of person do I now choose to be?

That’s it.  It doesn’t matter if the choice is major or minor, large or small, simple or complex.  It all comes down to deciding who I want to be from this point forward.

This is one reason I teach determining your values in all of my seminars.  Knowing what you stand for and where you’re going in life eliminates looking to others for “should I do this or that?”  However, life is constantly producing changes and with that come new scenarios previously not considered because they were “off our radar.”

Too often, I hear people use the excuse, “That’s just who I am.”  For some reason I always want to say, “DUH!”  (But I don’t – because that’s not who I want to be!)

Of course, sometimes being who you are is the point – and that’s okay.

My challenge for you today is to begin to hold the question, “Who do I now choose to be?”  I’m betting that if you’re reading this, you’re the type of person who is constantly evolving, becoming more enlightened, and consciously recreating yourself.  If so, answer every question today with that question, “Who do I now choose to be,” and then act accordingly.  Conscious evolution at its best!

Until next time,

Live joyfully!

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Posted under Dental Practice Management, Education, Inspiration, Law of Attraction, Leadership, Motivation, Success, Weight Loss

For the first 21 years of my life, my father smoked.  He only quit because he had to after undergoing surgery for Peripheral Vascular Disease.  The surgery spared his life for 10 years, but he died at the age of 62 from similar circulatory problems.

Before we left to take him to the hospital from which he never returned, he told me that he admittedly had made many mistakes in his life, but that he only regretted one.  He said that if you learn from your mistakes then there was a purpose for them and that we should embrace them.  But the one mistake that he would always regret and never forgive himself for was what he “put [me] through all those years that he smoked.”

I begged my father to quit smoking for years.  He simply didn’t see the point.  He would often comment that sure, he believed the claims – if you smoke for a hundred years you’ll die from it!  It was his favorite joke.

My father smoked from the age of 14 until he was 52.  Once he quit, he couldn’t believe he ever smoked.  He hated the smell of smoke after that and couldn’t stand to be around cigarettes.  He loved having his taste buds back and would often comment on how the reason he smoked was because he loved the taste, but being able to taste food again was worth giving it up.

I’ve wanted to share my father’s story on this blog for several months now and just had not found the right time.  I also have a philosophy on how we can earnestly help those in our lives who do smoke, but hadn’t found a way to express that yet either.  Then a couple of weeks ago I had something very interesting happen to me.

I ran into an old friend I went to high school with.  She started smoking when we were in high school and despite many attempts to quit, still does.  We got on the subject of smoking when she made a comment about not being able to smoke in the restaurant we were in. Then she said, “I guess you like that though, huh?”  In a tone from which I knew she was expecting judgment.

As you know, I’m a student of the Abraham-Hicks philosophy.  I believe that we are deliberator creators of our own experience and that we can harness the power of the creation process to create anything we want.  I have learned that in order to receive what I want, I must not push against what I don’t want.  What do I want?  I want a healthier world; free of cigarette smoke.  Why?  Because it seems, based on physical evidence, that one cannot smoke and be healthy.  Smoking cigarettes and being healthy are mutually exclusive.  Even every smoker I know will openly admit this now.  So why do they hold on to it?  For two reasons: Addiction, and the joy the get from it.  There is a measure of satisfaction and enjoyment that takes place for someone whenever they receive the substance they are addicted to – whether it’s sugar, caffeine or Meth.  Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it.  When we say, “Follow Your Bliss,” to some people that’s a cigarette.  And I’m not being factitious, that’s the truth.

At one point my friend said to me, “I know it’s a filthy, disgusting habit, and I want to quit, if nothing else but for my kids, but I just can’t.”

Suddenly feeling inspired I asked, “So why do you smoke?”

“Because it relaxes me; it makes me feel better.  It helps me calm down.  The times I’ve tried to quit I ended up so keyed up, nervous, and cranky that everyone told me to start smoking again, so I did!” (Laughing.)  Can you understand that?”

The conversation continued where I explained that I could certainly understand that, as could many people, but that I had never had the urge to smoke.  We had a good conversation and I was able to see that she was beginning to understand that my questions were coming purely from a place of curiosity and wanting to help – not judgment.  What ended up happening, as a result of our discussion was this.

I suggested to my friend that she try a substitution method for quitting.  Although I’ve never smoked, and I’m not a licensed therapist, or licensed anything else for that matter, I do know a thing or two about eliminating bad habits and developing good ones.

At one point in our conversation, she told me that she liked Hershey Kisses.  So I suggested that she start out replacing one cigarette per day with a Kiss.   Her response was, “I couldn’t do that – I’d have to eat the whole bag!”

So I responded with, “When you smoke a cigarette, you smoke the entire pack?”

“No – that would be too expensive!”

“Okay, so instead of eating the whole bag, you’re going to have one Kiss at a time – just like a cigarette.  Start out just replacing one cigarette a day with a Kiss.  If you have a bad day, that’s fine, when your willpower comes back, just start over, or start where you left off.  It’s totally up to you.  And keep in mind, that at the end of this experiment, you might decide to go back to smoking.  This is just something you’re going to try, for as long as you can, to see how it goes.  If it goes well, I’ll blog about it and make you famous!”  (Laughing)  Worst case scenario, you decide you like your life the way it is now and you’ve made your peace with it – we should all be so lucky!

Now we’ve learned that there is more to it than that.  After a couple of days, I got a call from my friend and she wasn’t having a lot of luck, but she thought maybe I’d have another idea.  And I did.  (Hence this post!)

It’s not enough to just eat the chocolate.  You have to imagine that it’s giving you the same feeling/benefit that smoking that cigarette would give you.  What my friend was doing wrong, because I hadn’t thought this through, was thinking something to the effect of, “Okay, this is substitution time.  I’m supposed to have my 3^rd cigarette of the day but I have to eat a Kiss instead.”

See?  Not the most helpful perspective is it?  I explained a little more to her about the law of attraction, and that what she should do instead is think, “Okay, this is substitution time.  Yay! – I get to eat a Kiss!  Oh, how I love chocolate.  And that little almond in there is such a joy!  Won’t it be fun when I’m completely off of cigarettes and eating 20 Kisses a day instead!  Yummmmmm – it tastes so good.  So smooth and creamy.  I feel so relaxed.  Ah.  Perfect.  That was just the break I needed to calm down, be able to focus and get back to work.”  (These thoughts need to take place over about a 10-minute period.)  In other words, whatever feeling she gets from smoking the cigarette she needs to conjure up in her mind when she eats the Kiss.  Does that make sense?

I talked to my friend again yesterday; she got down to half a pack and then quit altogether because she learned that she didn’t need the cigarettes after all. Is it possible that she wasn’t actually addicted?  I’m asking – I honestly don’t know.  I would think that an actual addiction would take longer, but then I do know the power of positive thinking and reinforcement.  I also know that she had a strong desire to quit and had quit before, so maybe that broke the physical dependency.

I also see a similar trend with her as many of my weight-loss clients.  She got excited about her new life and the old one just didn’t work for her any more – that always seems to speed things up.  As for staying power, as you know, once you’ve acclimated to a lifestyle you love, you don’t go back.

This brought to mind a theory I’ve been mulling over for quite some time when it comes to non-smokers “dealing” with smokers:  Haven’t we been pushing against what we don’t want long enough?  Isn’t it time for a different approach?

See, most of the time, when I’m around non-smokers, I hear a lot of resistant comments toward smokers.  I want us all to ask ourselves this:  Do you really think that calling these people disgusting, filthy, low-class, and degenerate is going to help them?  It certainly doesn’t seem to have helped so far.

Perhaps it is time to try LOVE.  Not love of cigarettes; love for mankind.  Love for the spiritual beings that inhabit all bodies, everywhere.  Love for who that person really is, and is becoming and has the potential to become, whether they choose to smoke or not.  Throughout the history of this world have we not seen love accomplish a lot more than hate?  Isn’t a good movie the one where love triumphs over hatred?

Instead of ridiculing and talking about smokers behind their backs, perhaps we should keep our mouths shut and, whenever you encounter a smoker, try sending good vibes his or her way.  Don’t go up and start talking to them about how much you love them despite the fact that they smoke – that will cause resistance in them.  It is our resistance that is feeding theirs in the first place. We must break the cycle.

I firmly believe that if we, as a society, would approach this problem with love instead of resistance, the hearts of all people (including smokers) would open and they would begin to heal.  That is what it’s about you know – healing.  Sure, it’s a habit at this stage, but heal the need and the habit will no longer be required.  In the case of addiction, replace the “fix” with a lesser “evil” and then deal with that.  I will build my castle one brick at a time. How will I “cure” my friend from eating 20 Kisses a day?   Hmmmm – seems like a more manageable problem doesn’t it?

If someone you love smokes, be supportive by allowing the need.  Focus on why they want to smoke.  Most people nowadays who start smoking do so because there is some benefit that they can identify – weight loss and relaxation are the main two.  Why?  Why do you want to be thin?  Then help this person – earnestly – by helping them find another way.  Go jogging with them.  Who cares that you don’t need to – do you want them to quit smoking?  Help them find a healthy alternative to their underlying desire and then help them execute it.  For relaxation – would a daily massage help?  So maybe you have to watch the kids and not fuss about the money so that this person can do that.

Most importantly, don’t come at them from any form of a negative angle.  Your desire to help must be sincere, and unflappable.  If they “mess up,” no problem – we start from where we are and move forward.  Also important, it has to be something the other person wants and is ready to do.  You can’t change for them, but you can change with them. And no one should change unless they really want to do so.  It is so important to love who you are and where you are that I would never ask anyone to change in order to accommodate my or anyone else’s comfort level.  But it’s also important to love where you’re going – and I think that’s the rub for most smokers.  I know my father would have wanted to be around to see his granddaughter graduate from high school, go to college and become a pharmacist.  I know he wished he’d quit much sooner, and never started to beging with.  But he didn’t know the consequences when he was 14 – it was 1949!

Back to non-smokers.  Don’t “go looking” for opportunities to help smokers – don’t push.  If you’re lucky enough to not be around smokers very much, thank the universe for its progress and when you do have an encounter, send good vibes by saying a prayer.  Pray for that person’s enlightenment and health.  Remember, it’s their choice – be thankful for that, because you have the choice to not smoke.  What if it were the other way around?

I’m also not suggesting that you deliberately spend time with anyone whose values do not match your own.  I will continue to avoid situations where I know there will be a lot of cigarette smoke – I don’t like the allergy meds!  (I end up stopped up and sick for days after an encounter with cigarette smoke and so does my husband – so you can see why we avoid it as much as possible.   That’s why I never let my Dad smoke when I was around.)

What I’m suggesting, is that on any subject, no matter how controversial, stop resisting it, because what you resists, persists.  The best tactic is to not bring it in to your experience at all if you can help it.  But if it shows up, love it, because it’s there for a reason.

And you won’t always get “the love” back, either.  Face it, not everyone is into self-improvement or cares about enlightenment.  But you shouldn’t continue resistance.  For example, there are many smokers on my mother’s side of the family.  Needless to say, I don’t attend many family functions.  From my mother, I always get to hear their side:  “Debra has no right to avoid us because we smoke, after all, her father smoked for most of his life!”  (Like I’m responsible for my father’s bad habits – a habit he started 21 years before I was born!)

But to show up at one of these events, where I know (from experience) that they will deliberately blow their cigarette smoke directly into my face just to see what I will do, just to prove my point – well – can you see the resistance in that?

I am better off to stay away, send loving thoughts and prayers, and hope that one day they’ll understand.  Maybe they will, maybe they never will, either way, it doesn’t have to affect my experience – my joy – my happiness.  And it doesn’t.  We all get along and are there for one another when it counts.

Collectively, we can change the world with only our thoughts.  So my challenge today goes out to 2 different groups.  If you’re a smoker, would you consider lessening your resistance and defending a habit that you know hurts others, and consider finding a way to quit once and for all?  Use your thoughts.  Follow your intuitive guidance.  Ask for help from someone who loves you – tell them exactly how they can help – ask them not to judge.  Don’t focus on quitting, focus on living the way you truly want to live.

To all non-smokers:  Stop pushing against what you don’t want.  Don’t go to a restaurant that allows smoking and sneer at all the smokers.  Don’t mumble hateful words beneath your breath as a smoker walks by.  Instead, bless them, love them, help them if you are in a position to do so and remember, helping means helping this person from a place of love.  If you can’t do that, remove yourself from the situation.

I know this is a very emotionally charged subject for a lot of people.  All I’m asking, is that you give LOVE a chance.  So don’t e-mail me, unless you’ve tried LOVE, and are genuinely seeking advice.

If you’d like some one-on-one coaching with me on quitting smoking, attend my Wake Up and Create the Life YOU Want Retreat.

Until next time,

Live Joyously

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Sign up for Retreat Information

What do you want to create? Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment has helped hundreds of people create the life of their dreams.  You can read their stories here. If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”

Even better, come to the Wake Up and Create the Life You Want Retreat May 30 - June 1 and learn the techniques for taking control of your life and get free private coaching!

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Posted under Dental Practice Management, Education, Inspiration, Law of Attraction, Leadership, Motivation, Success, Weight Loss

I love it when I’m inspired by one of my readers.  Yesterday, Scot Herrick posted a comment on my post, Life Balance, and touched on a topic that I cover in my seminars and plan to spend quite a bit of time on in my up-coming retreat.  (More details on that coming – I promise!)  However, I’m not sure I’ve ever blogged about this process.

Here is Scot’s comment:

“I think one of the more interesting challenges that need addressing is how people know when they are being asked to make a choice (e.g., you just say “yes” to anything your manager wants that requires extra hours outside of the normal work hours) and how to frame that choice against, for example, your values.

How to know and make the choice in the moment. How to consistently implement that in the moment. Now, there’s a good challenge!”

Yes – exactly – that is the challenge!  And that’s one of the reasons I have my seminar audiences role-play this exact concept.  Here’s what we do.

First, we spend some time defining our values and prioritizing them.  If you’re new here at DebraMoorhead.com, here’s an article that will walk you through how to do this step.

Then I have my audience create a list of activities they feel “obligated” to that do not fit within their values.  It’s amazing how many items almost everyone can come up with.

Next, we discuss briefly how we got involved in that obligation, and make sure that we’ve identified things properly. Sometimes you think you don’t want to do something, but you really do – it really is within your value set – or you’re just choosing not to enjoy something when you could if you changed your frame of reference.  Let me give you an example.

Many parents complain about having to attend so many of their children’s’ school functions, when being involved in their child’s education is important to them.  And, if they were to be honest, they really enjoy having an excuse to leave work early or the camaraderie with the other parents, or just spending time with their child after the event at the Pizza Hut – or whatever.

Similarly, many people try to shift to doing more work within their church saying that it makes them feel good, when in fact it doesn’t – it just makes them feel more obligated and stressed.  They might get coerced into teaching a Sunday school class, and even though they know they are contributing and making a difference, not really enjoying the actual work required for the activity.

In other words, it’s important to be truly honest with yourself, about which activities you want to keep, eliminate, and possibly add.  I find that most of us just need more down time – time to relax, meditate, pray, read, and just be.  Once you make your decision, enjoy it; don’t get caught up in everyone else’s complaining habits.

Next comes the fun part – we role-play saying “No.”  First, I just have them turn to each other and say the word – several times.  We have fun with it.  Then, knowing that the real world doesn’t operate that way and that most of us like to soften disappointment, I have them practice saying this to each other:  “I’m sorry, but I’ll have to say no.  It just doesn’t fit within my value system at this time.  If something changes, I’ll let you know.”

What does that say?  It’s much better than feigning the excuse, “I don’t have the time,” because what will a lot of people come back and say?  “Sounds like a time management problem to me!”

Instead, the above statement gives the main point straight out – No.  It also says, “I know my values and I value myself enough to abide by them.”  Most importantly, it says, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you,” but in a gentler way.

Next, I have the audience actually visualize delivering this statement to someone in their life at the present time that they really want to say it to.  Everyone has someone!  We pretend that person is in front of us and we role-play again, having a lot of fun.  Then we discuss other possible scenarios and role-play anything we feel necessary.  For example, sometimes it’s not the same person who comes to you that you can’t say NO to, but a particular group.  So we use a “faceless person” and visualize the event.

The reason I like role-playing so much is because I have seen the effectiveness of practicing.  You can practice anything in your mind and be better prepared for the actual event.  When I was a music major in college I sometimes couldn’t get to the instrument I needed to practice.  Several of my professors told me it would work just the same to imagine the fingerings and techniques, imagine the instrument, imagine the feeling, etc.  I was amazed at how well it worked.  Sure it’s not 100% like the real thing, but it is amazingly close.

So what is “the real thing” in this scenario?  Actually saying No in a situation where you are being asked to do something outside your value system.  Getting back to Scot’s comment - the challenge of consistently implementing your choice in the moment -  practice makes perfect.  Plan it, visualize it, practice it, and do it.

I have been in the situation of having a supervisor ask me to work on projects that would require extra hours.  Once I was aware of the situation, I would simply say, “About the XYZ project you requested that I work on – you do realize that it will require overtime?”

I had only one of two responses:  One manager said, “Yes, is that okay?”  He knew I did not have children and given everyone’s work load assumed I had the least to do.  At that time in my life, I was okay with that.  The point here is I didn’t work for free.  I deserved to be paid for those hours – I was not in a salaried position and did not need to prove myself (I was not a new employee.)

Another manager responded with, “Okay, I’ll get someone else to do it,” which was also fine with me at that point in my career.  I sent the message that I would not be taken advantage of.  I would have been happy to have completed the work at my hourly rate, but he did not want to pay overtime and I knew that, which was why I addressed it.

If you are currently in a situation, or several of them, where you need to start bowing out and want to do so gracefully, another way that frequently works is to post your values at your workstation.  Trust me, people will notice.  If they don’t, here’s another great tip:  The next time someone comes to you and asks you to do something you feel uncertain about, pull out your list, right in front of them, and say, “Hmmmmm.  I’m not sure if that fits within my value system.  Can I get back to you on that?”

It’s good to let people know that you’re growing, developing, and changing.  Improvement is a good thing and if that means you have to let go of certain obligations, it will be worth it – to everyone - in the end.  After all, the best person for any position is the one who really wants to be there.

Until next time,

Live joyfully!

You can subscribe to this blog here.

Sign up for Retreat Information

CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT NOW When you’re ready to take control of your life, you’ll want to purchase my latest book to get started on the right path. You’ll learn my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the Law of Attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do exactly the same.  You can read their stories here. If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.” Don’t miss out on this very special offer!

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Posted under Dental Practice Management, Motivation, Success

Job burnout is a debilitating condition with many possible causes and underlying symptoms.  I was recently suffering from burnout and after some research and self reflection, I came across a way that worked for me to overcome it, and the change seems to be lasting.

In the midst of what seems like a very promising speaking career, with tons of new ideas every day and the ability to implement any and all of them over time, I suddenly had no desire to do anything.  I had to make myself do the minimum necessary.  I’d go through my Outlook tasks looking for ways to put things off instead of completing and re-prioritizing them.

Once I realized what was happening, with a little help from my husband, I did a little online research as well as a little soul re-searching and discovered that I’d lost my focus.  Can you believe that?  Me – Debra Moorhead – the Focus Queen – losing her focus?   Talk about feeling like a hypocrite!  I mean, I talk about this, preach about this all the time in my seminars – staying on focus, learning to say No, focusing on your goals, your values, what matters most, etc.

But . . .

It happens to all of us.  When people come along with huge compliments and big desires for you, and you see how it could happen, and the subject is something you believe in, and hot, and new, and, and, and . . .

Well, it’s easy to get led astray.

So, I invented a new way to go through my Outlook tasks.

I created 3 new categories:  Mission, JOY, and Off the Path.  (Actually, I already had a category for JOY, but I’m using it in a new way here – bear with me; I’ll explain.)

“Mission” is for those items directly related to accomplishing my mission in life, which is to motivate, educate, and inspire others to be their best through my writing, speaking, and coaching.

The “JOY” category is for those items that feed my spirit and help me create my heart’s desires.  This can be anything that I just love to do.

“Off the Path,” are those obligations that I’ve allowed myself to be talked in to – notice that I said, “allowed,” – that’s very important because I accept full responsibility for everything occurring in my life.  But it’s important to identify those items and we’ll get to the reasoning behind that in just a moment.

I began sifting through my very long list and categorizing each item, making some tough calls along the way.  Let me give you some examples.

“Get book listed with Amazon,” is a task that has been sitting there for a few months.  The service agreement is downloaded and ready for my review, but I just can’t seem to get around to it.  This job is very important to my mission, so it went into the Mission category.

“Put away snowmen and re-decorate for spring.”  This undertaking is past due for me since, by February, we Kentuckians are tired of winter and very much ready to see the Daffodils pop up.  Since I love decorating the house and creating an inviting home for me and my husband, this chore went into the JOY category.

“Start writing ‘Paperless Dentistry.’”  Hmmmmm.  A few weeks ago, this was a very exciting project for me.  It’s something I believe in, it’s timely, it’s a hot topic, it’s necessary – lots of reasons to do it.  However, it’s not my passion.  I could rationalize it and say that it’s part of my mission “to educate others” and help them “become their best,” but when I’m honest with myself, (and if you’re not going to be honest with yourself, who are you going to be honest with) it really doesn’t set my heart on fire like leading a retreat based on Wake Up and Create the Life You Want.  This task is Off the Path.

I continued through the list until all 56 items had been re-categorized, with 12 items moved to the Off the Path grouping.

Bingo!  Just like that I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders and I started to get my mojo back!  I started writing again with passion.  I began pursuing a retreat venue.  The list within the Mission category suddenly seemed not only doable, but JOYful – it’s great when those two cross-reference!

Of course, there were a few errands that fit none of the three, such as replacing the Brita filters, updating credit card info on recurring accounts, or getting my tax information ready for my accountant.  These things, while neither particularly JOYful nor Mission critical, are also not Off the Path.  But with the Off the Path category defined and moved out, those little things don’t seem overwhelming at all.

What am I doing with the items in my Off the Path category?  Nothing for now.  I figure there’s no harm in letting them stay there.  If something changes, or I suddenly get bored and don’t have enough to do, they could move into the Mission field.  But then it would be my choice – and that’s the point.

Be true to yourself, your purpose, and your mission.  That is your first priority.  Everything and everyone else can wait.  Or, they will move on, proving that your involvement wasn’t necessary to begin with, which can be very freeing as well.

If you’ve lost your zest for life, I suggest you give this system a whirl.  You’ll be amazed at the renewed sense of vitality and energy it brings you.

Until next time,

Live Joyfully!

You can subscribe to this blog here.

Sign up for Retreat Information

CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT NOW When you’re ready to take control of your life, you’ll want to purchase my latest book to get started on the right path. You’ll learn my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the Law of Attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do exactly the same.  You can read their stories here. If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.” Don’t miss out on this very special offer!

Technorati Tags: Motivational Speaker, Motivation, Burnout, Organize, Life, Success, Law of Attraction, Dental Practice Management, Coach, Consultant, Paperless Office, Motivational Book

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Education, Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation, Success

My mother called me yesterday:  “Several people have been looking for your book at Wal-Mart and can’t find it?  Why can’t they find it?  Should I tell them to go to a bookstore?  What bookstore could they find it at?”

Me:  “Hold on, Mom.  I don’t have a distributor yet; I’m still researching all of my options.  They can go to my website or just buy it from me.”

Mom:  “Oh, okay.  Will it ever be at Wal-Mart?”

What a question, eh?  And gee – what a goal that would be!

Today’s advice:  Be careful if you write a book, people expect great (and common) things from you – fast!

Luckily, I don’t allow my mother’s (or others’) comments to get to me any more, but it did remind me of the days when a statement like that would have set me back on my heels a little.  Anger and resentment would be followed by feelings of frustration and inadequacy.

Since I like to blog about lessons I’ve learned in life, I decided to make today’s post about how I learned to become almost impervious to the hurtful, although almost always innocent, comments of others.  How have I grown to the place that remarks like the one above no longer send me spiraling into a self-pity party?

Well, first of all, I realize the comment comes from ignorance and not judgment.  Neither my mother nor any of her friends or family members have ever written a book.  Being very simply country people, I suppose they believe that you finish a book one day, and it’s in Wal-Mart (or the library) the next.

Second, I realize that the result of allowing a comment like that to bring me down would only be what I described above – a self-pity party.  What good does that serve?  None whatsoever.

Third, I quickly remind myself that I’m on my way – this is a journey – and most people don’t understand that.  Others don’t know about my strategic plan.  They don’t know all the research and hard work that goes into writing, publishing, distributing, and promoting a book.  They don’t know how far I’ve come – they only choose to see how far I’ve yet to go, and that’s their problem.  My problem, my only concern, is keeping myself motivated to continue on the path.  How do I do that?

I rely on the magic of one.  One thing, every day, that moves me closer to my ultimate goal.  One item, small or large, marked completed on my task list.  One step, large or small, finished in my strategic plan.  One article written.  One alliance made.  One speech delivered.  One idea implemented.  One issue resolved.  One feature added to my website.  One detail accomplished.  One event booked.  One phenomenal day!

I share my life with a lot of people – I have a blog for crying out loud – and I give you the best of me three times a week.  But no one, not one other living soul, knows my one.  It’s between me and God and is the source of my strength and resolve, and ability to laugh at foolish comments about my success (or lack thereof.)  I keep my one thing between me and God because, well, I enjoy experiencing the magic!

The magic is in the increased self-esteem, the feeling of control, and the power of knowing that universal forces are at work on my behalf when I just show up and do that one thing.

One woman can make a difference.  What’s your magical one?

Until next time,

Live Joyfully!

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CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT NOW When you’re ready to take control of your life, you’ll want to purchase my latest book to get started on the right path. You’ll learn my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the Law of Attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do exactly the same.  You can read their stories here. If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.” Don’t miss out on this very special offer!

Technorati Tags: Motivational Speaker, Motivation, Organize, Success, Law of Attraction, Dental Practice Management, Coach, Consultant, Paperless Office, Motivational Book

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Motivation, Success

I speak and write a lot about planning and one of the key concepts in perfect scheduling is to allow time when you’re planning your schedule for emergencies and flex time.  Notice I didn’t say, “Interruptions.”

Learning to control interruptions is vital to successful time management.  Interruptions cause us to lose time and gain stress.  Time is money.  If someone approached you and asked for ten dollars, would you give it up? Why, then, are we so willing to give ten minutes of our time?

Most of us, women especially, are afraid of hurting others’ feelings or being perceived as not approachable.  Some even fear that not allowing every silly little question to interrupt their focus will cause them to look bad within the company.  But I’ve found that if you communicate to people why you’re doing something and do it with humor, people are willing to accept it, and will even respect you for it.  Let me give you some specific examples.

1. Wear a unique clothing item – like a chartreuse hat.  It can be anything you like, but tell your co-workers and even your boss(es) that when you’re wearing that item it is not a good time to interrupt you.  You’ll be amazed at how much they respect you for utilizing this concept.  Now, you can’t wear the hat all the time, and it could happen that once you get the point across, if you prefer your uninterrupted time in the morning, say between 8:30 and 10 AM, they just might get into the habit of leaving you alone during that time and you won’t have to wear the ugly thing forever.  Try it.  It works!

1. Put a traffic cone in the “door” to your cubicle. Or something else, more legal, that would get the point across.  This is a little more subtle, so you might have to explain it a few times, but eventually, people will get it.  “When the traffic cone is in the way of your entering my space, it means that it’s not a good time.”

1. Close your door. An open door policy doesn’t make you the doormat.  Just because your company expects you to be available to your direct reports, they don’t want you to lose precious focus time for questions that could be dealt with later.  Again, you can’t leave the door closed all day, but a 90-minute segment will let you get a lot of work done.

1. Put a sign on your door – “Is someone on fire?”  This is where humor comes in to play.  If people don’t get what you’re trying to do, explain to the people who work closest to you that the sign is intended to make the intruder stop and think before interrupting you.  An executive friend of mine tells a story of how he used to say, “Don’t call me unless the building is on fire.”  Then one day, the building really did catch fire.  So he changed it to, “Don’t call me unless someone in the building is on fire.”  Luckily, no calls yet – knock on wood!

1. When someone pops their head into your office and says, “I hate to interrupt . . .”  Respond with, “Then don’t.” They will get the message.  It’s a little more off-putting, but sometimes necessary and it works for the right personality type.

1. Post your schedule. Let people know when would be a good time to come back to talk to you.  Post it on your door or on the frame of your cubicle.  You don’t have to put your actual schedule up if you don’t want, just put something that says, “I’ll be taking interruptions between 11 and 12 today.  I’ll be glad to answer your question if you come back then.”  I used this technique myself several years ago when I worked in a corporate setting and what I discovered that people would do is go back to their cube and e-mail me, which was a more efficient method anyway.  Often, they were coming to me to ask that I send them a certain report.  Duh!  And it’s those needless little things like that that break your concentration and keep you from being as effective as you could be.  But it is up to you to control them.

1. Change your internal voice mail message frequently. This is something else I used to do.  I changed my internal voice mail, the one that only people within the company get when they call me, every morning.  I didn’t explain what I was doing every minute of the day, but I would simply say, “I will be available today from 10:30 to 12:30 if you wish to speak to me personally.  Otherwise, please leave a message, or send an e-mail.”  It worked and I never got chastised for it.  The president of the company came to me one day after getting that message and, (he came, by the way, during the time I had specified!) and asked me to help him word his voice message in a similar manner, both for internal and external calls.  We worded the messages very diplomatically and helped him gain some very important focus time.  My immediate supervisors were very impressed and started using the concept themselves.

Like most other things in life, getting control of interruptions is simply a matter of deciding to do it.  And like most other things in life, it’s always worth it in the end.

Until next time,

Live Joyfully!

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CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT NOW When you’re ready to take control of your life, you’ll want to purchase my latest book to get started on the right path. You’ll learn my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the Law of Attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do exactly the same.  You can read their stories here. If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.” Don’t miss out on this very special offer!

Technorati Tags: Motivational Speaker, Motivation, Inspiration, Success, Law of Attraction, Life, Dental Practice Management, Coach, Consultant, Paperless Office, Motivational Book, Time Management, Clutter Control, Interruptions

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Leadership, Motivation, Success

One of the keys to living a successful life is to feel like you’re making every minute count. Think about it for a moment:  Most of us get upset or feel badly toward ourselves when we believe that we or someone else is wasting our time.  In order to feel like we’re living the life our dreams, we assume that there are no wasted moments.  It’s the, “I’d rather be [doing something else.]” lament.

Most of us can accept the fact that to live the life of our dreams we are still going to have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do or find all that fulfilling.  But, we’re willing to “pay the price” sort to speak.

So, if having no wasted time is the goal, how do we achieve that?  Well, there are three keys, and here they are:

Plan and prepare. Do what’s important instead of just whatever is in front of you.  Start thinking of ways that you can save, schedule and consolidate large chunks of time. Use this time to work on important tasks with the most significant long-term consequences.   What are your long-term goals and dreams?  What can you do today to take one step toward accomplishing them? Make every minute count by working steadily and continuously without diversion or distraction by planning and preparing your work in advance.

Accept responsibility and plow through those small, seemingly insignificant tasks.

Use travel and transition time, what is often called “gifts of time,” to complete small chunks of larger tasks.  I’m often amazed at how much writing I can get done in airports, or phone calls I can make while on the road.  I might not have time to write a book, but I can get the outline started.  I can leave messages for the people to whom I delegate a lot of chores as to something I want to change.  Doing these things in little blocks of time here and there keeps me from having to do them when I’m in my office.  I can use that time to write and create new products.

Fully enjoy your time off. Here’s something I catch myself doing and I bet you’ve done the same thing.  It’s four o’clock on Monday afternoon.  I’ve completed everything that I want and need to accomplish for the day.  Do I quit?  No.  I start a new task which often leads into overtime or makes me feel rushed for getting dinner on the table.

Hopefully, I’ve learned my lesson, but if you haven’t, here’s what you’re better off to do in that situation.  Nothing.  Meditate.  Take one hour for solitude.  Read a magazine.  Relax.  If you’ve done the first two steps well, take time for yourself without guilt.  Doing so will make you more productive tomorrow, I promise.

Remember that the great pyramids were built one block at a time. A great life and a great career is also built one block, one step, one task, and often one part of a task, at a time.

Until next time,

Live Joyfully!

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CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT NOW When you’re ready to take control of your life, you’ll want to purchase my latest book to get started on the right path. You’ll learn my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the Law of Attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do exactly the same.  You can read their stories here. If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.” Don’t miss out on this very special offer!

Technorati Tags: Time Management, Motivational Speaker, Motivation, Inspiration, Success, Law of Attraction, Life, Dental Practice Management, Coach, Consultant, Paperless Office, Motivational Book

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Motivation, Success

My 30-Day paperless experiment is bringing up a lot of questions.  My biggest dilemma so far has been trying to find a reliable, portable, digital calendar and note keeper.  My current system is to use Microsoft Outlook for recurring and important tasks, and Microsoft Excel for strategic planning.  My calendar is in a beautiful Franklin Covey planner that I’ve had for years.  This planner is also the central location for other important information and is where I do my weekly planning.  This hybrid system has served me well for quite some time now, I can’t even remember how long – at least 8 years.

I’ve written before about how to replace bad habits with good ones, but how does one go about replacing good habits with better ones?

The challenges I’m coming up against are these:

What if I’m in the car and need to look at my calendar?  Currently, I can easily pull out my planner, while on the phone, and answer the question or make the commitment.  How would that work if I used only Outlook for my calendar?  I have a friend who uses both – she puts her calendar in Outlook so that others in her company have access to view it, but for her own use, she uses a paper planner.  While I understand why she does this, for me, such a practice would be needlessly redundant.  I don’t want others to have access to my calendar.  I know that a lot of my speaker friends are displaying calendars online, but personally, when someone calls to book me, I need to make judgment calls as to how long I need to prepare for the event, what my schedule is really like based on required travel time, etc.  So I can’t see using two systems – that would be creating a bad habit.  Nope – not going there.

My husband’s Palm Treo is not reliable.  Just this weekend his calendar did not sync so when someone called on our way to Columbus, Ohio, he had to put them off until he could get back home to answer their question.  My Blackberry Curve software doesn’t work properly and I had to uninstall it to keep it from crashing my laptop – so it is not a reliable system either.  I suppose I could put everything in Outlook and carry my laptop with me everywhere I go – something about that doesn’t feel right, either.

My husband puts everything in Outlook and then prints a monthly calendar to display on the refrigerator for the “at-a-glance” option.  I’ve tried that before, but my schedule changes too much.  I ended up printing a new monthly calendar every other day.  I found that I was better off to just record everything in pencil and have one master calendar.

I am researching this issue and am open to any suggestions you have.

This, as well as other issues that I will blog about later, have brought up the real question:  Do we want to be paper-less, or do we want to be paper-free?  From the comments I’ve been receiving, I think most of us just want to reduce the amount of paper in our lives from the standpoint of eliminating clutter, useless bulk in landfills, and unnecessary use of our natural resources, namely, trees.

Paper is not the most efficient storage system, but it does serve a purpose.  And this is what the 30-day experiment is all about.

Stay tuned . . .

Until next time,

Live Joyfully!

You can subscribe to this blog here.

Sign up for Retreat Information

CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT NOW When you’re ready to take control of your life, you’ll want to purchase my latest book to get started on the right path. You’ll learn my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the Law of Attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do exactly the same.  You can read their stories here. If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.” Don’t miss out on this very special offer!

Technorati Tags: Motivational Speaker, Motivation, Inspiration, Success, Law of Attraction, Life, Dental Practice Management, Coach, Consultant, Paperless Office, Motivational Book

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Leadership, Motivation, Success

How’s this for irony:  I spent yesterday afternoon assembling a new filing cabinet for my home office.  My goal for 2008:  Put nothing in it!  Well, nothing new at least.  Let me explain.

For quite some time now, the “paperless office” has been all the rage in dentistry.  As a Dental Practice Management consultant, I facilitate dental teams on taking their practice to that next level.  Paperless, up to this point, has been an elusive dream.  Until this year.  This is it.  2008 is going to be great!  I can feel it!  My goal is to become the paperless authority for the dental industry.  And when I set my mind, body, and soul on something . . .  Well, if you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, have read my book, or know me at all, let’s just say I always get what I truly want.  But then, don’t we all?  (But that’s another post!)

Since I always practice what I teach, I figure the first step would be to get some first-hand experience at becoming a paperless professional.  I’ll be blogging about it often.  If you like my posts on de-cluttering, this is taking that concept to the next level.

I’ve been gearing up for this for the past several months anyway.  I’ve already signed up for e-statements on my credit cards, I use Adobe and print to file any receipts I feel I need to keep.  Basically, anytime I get ready to hit that print button I stop and ask, “Do I really want a paper copy of this, or would digital suffice?”  You see, it’s really a matter of re-training your brain and developing a new system.

Over the next 30 days, I’m going to keep track of the steps I take, the trials and pitfalls, the lessons, the good, the bad, the ugly, the unfortunate, the advantages, and of course, the success stories and record them all here.  I’ll review equipment, storage options, discuss attitude, yours’ and others’ (that’ll be a long post!), and anything else that comes up in the process.

Wish me luck and feel free to comment with any suggestions you have.

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You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW When you’re ready to create the life you want, purchase my latest book to get started on the right path. I share my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do the same.  If you choose the downloadable version, it comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”

Technorati Tags: paperless office, Motivation, Education, Inspiration, Success, Writer, Speaker, Consultant

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Motivation, Success

Do you ever wonder why people seem to be upset with you but won’t tell you why?  Have you ever found yourself in an uncomfortable conversation with a co-worker?  Have you ever “caught” people talking about you behind your back? Do you tend to get ignored, or not taken seriously in meetings?  Are you a salesperson who’s barely making ends meet and you know there’s a “secret” you’re just not privy to?  Does your company do a good job of marketing and getting people to your place of business, but then, for some unknown reason, the customers don’t return?

All of these complaints are symptoms of poor business etiquette.  In this article, I’ve identified the 9 most common mistakes I see, and provided a few suggestions on how to overcome or avoid them.

1. Failure to smile and be friendly. The first problem I see when I’m conducting business is a general lack of motivation to try to be pleasant and gain the repeat business of the customer or client.  We all want to conduct business in a positive, friendly environment, and with products and services being pretty much equal these days, a pleasant atmosphere will definitely put one business ahead of another.  Besides, being pleasant, easy to work with, and keeping a smile on your face not only makes others respond to you in a friendlier manner and want to repeat business with you, but it makes you feel better as well.  If you have trouble finding a good reason to smile all the time, read The Power of a Smile.  The most challenging endeavor for any business is to create a customer and keep them.  If you hate your job, find a new one.  There are too many opportunities out there to be miserable.  Misery does not love company, well, actually, it might, but it doesn’t need it!  So stop spreading your misery and find a reason to smile!
2. Discussing personal problems at work. We have all been on the receiving end of this major faux pas; you have a co-worker who is either having marital problems and simply must discuss them with everyone in the office, or is having a problem with her supervisor and decides to educate everyone, including clients, about the situation.  It doesn’t take much to see that this is a problem, but what can you do about it?  First, always check your baggage at the door when you come to work.  Personally, I find that throwing myself into my work and completely focusing on being a good employee gives me a reprieve from any troubles I might be having at home.  I deal with work issues at work and home issues at home.  It is a much simpler way to live.  When I have a problem with a co-worker or boss, I work it out with that person and never, ever, let the customer “see you sweat.”  I guess I come by this naturally since my father taught me long ago that, “you never air your dirty laundry in public.”  He was right then, and his advice would certainly hold true today.
   What if you are on the receiving end of such a rant?  How do you politely tell someone to go away, leave you alone, and shut up?  Simply refuse to engage in any conversation that is not career-centered.  You can set an example by saying, “You know, Deana, I’ve made a New Years’ resolution to not bring my personal problems to work.”  Then, walk away.  She’ll get the hint.  If you are the employer and possibly the object of the problem, you’re going to have to bring the person in to your office or similar private area and address it.  Let her know that since she has an issue with you, the two of you will deal with it, and that talking about you to other employees or to clients is grounds for dismissal.  I have gone as far as having to send an employee home to “cool off.”  It works.
3. Inappropriate Attire/Hygiene. You need to take a bath every day before going to work.  You need to dress in a manner that is appropriate for your industry.  You can argue with me all you want, but the bottom line is this:  It pays to look and smell and feel your best. You’ve Only Got Three Seconds to make an impression and if there is anything offensive about you, you won’t get the job, you won’t get the promotion, or you won’t get the account.  I often find myself at a loss for words during a conversation with a young woman over why she does not dress appropriately for work.  It goes something like this.
   Debra:  “Do you know how you’re supposed to dress at work?”
   Young Woman:  “Yes.”
   Debra:  “Why don’t you dress that way?”
   Young Woman:  “Because I don’t have clothes like that in my closet.”
   Okay, so buy the clothes you’re supposed to be wearing and place them in your closet so that they’re ready to go on Monday morning.  Don’t use the worn out excuse of “It’s just not me to dress like that.”  You have chosen this occupation, so you need to make it you – or get into a line of work that does allow you to dress in a manner that is you.
4. Incorrect grammar. I used to think this was only a problem in rural areas of Appalachia where I grew up, but I’m finding it to be prevalent throughout the country and in all business communication, speaking and writing.  I’m not talking about the most formal of rules such as never ending a sentence with a preposition, in fact, we now advise that you write like you speak – it makes your communication more effective by showing your human side.  Don’t get me wrong, there are still places for highly formal writing, just not in general, day-to-day business communication.  What I find to be the most misused are verbs and adverbs.  For example, I frequently hear, “If I was going to do that,” when it should be, “If I were going to do that.”  Another example is, “She don’t care if you do that for her,” when it should be, “She doesn’t mind if you do that for her.”  One last example, “This conversation is to be kept private, between him and I.”  The proper phrasing is, “between him and me.”  I could spend days writing on this topic, but if you believe you have a problem with grammar, try ThinkQuest.  On a brief perusal through their site, it seems well laid out and easy to use.
5. Sexual innuendo. Jokes, crude remarks, or discussing personal hygiene in mixed company is completely unacceptable in the workplace.  The remark doesn’t even have to be crude; any comment that refers, directly or indirectly, to a sexual act is inappropriate.  Don’t split hairs with me here, either – when in doubt, don’t.  Ladies, don’t try to put this one off on the men, either; you are just as guilty as they are!  Approaching clients as potential dates for your widowed mother because she’s lonely is in appropriate.  Telling a “dirty” joke, even if you’ve asked permission of the client, is inappropriate.  Asking your male boss to start buying your tampons because your co-workers are stealing yours is inappropriate.  Telling your male boss that he’s going to have to overlook your crankiness this week because you’re on your period is inappropriate.  I know you’re probably laughing at this point, but I have personally witnessed all of these scenarios!
6. Reprimanding an employee in front of the client. Have you ever complained about a worker’s performance on the job?  Did you want that employee to be fired?  Did you want to see it happen?  Clients become upset when their business is handled improperly – and rightfully so - but just because they complain about an employee’s performance does not mean they want to see you lose control of yourself.  Remember, how you react in a situation reflects on you – not the person or situation you’re reacting to.  When you “fly off the handle” at someone, whoever is watching will end up taking the side of the other person and often, stop doing business with you altogether because it’s not worth the emotional investment.  It’s fine to let the customer know that you are going to deal with the situation, and never make excuses for an inept employee.  It’s your business, and therefore your responsibility to train your employees to perform their jobs well, and in the manner expected of them by both you and your customers.
7. Improper Email Etiquette. Wow – here’s a big one.  As long as e-mail has been around, you would think we would have conquered this one already.  On the other hand, the English language has been around . . . . a lot longer, and we haven’t mastered it yet either, have we?  Here are some points to remember when using any type of e-mail device.
   Don’t use all caps. Back in the 1980’s there was a time management firm, whose name I’m deliberately leaving out, that taught executives to use all caps in their e-mails, touting that this would save time.  However, back in the day, we had less control over our text and computer techs used all caps as a way of expressing anger or upset.  Soon, the business world caught on to this and said, “Hey, we need to abide by that rule that we only use all caps when we’re shouting.”  So now, e-mail etiquette guides spout this theory that when you use all caps, you’re displaying aggression.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I have used all caps in e-mails before and it was to emphasize my point, and I was upset.  However, when someone sends me an e-mail that is in all caps, I don’t assume that he or she is shouting at me.  Instead, all caps leaves me, and many of my peers, with the impression that you’re one of those executives who’s stuck in the 1980’s.  In other words, we think you’re not very with it.  Either way, you don’t make a good impression when you use all caps, so stop it.
   Do give a quick response. This rule applies to phone calls as well as e-mails.  When someone e-mails you and requires a response, do so within a day, two at the most.  The “I’m so busy” excuse reflects poorly on you because one could perceive you as having a time management problem.  If you must request information prior to responding, let the person know that it might be a couple of days before you have the answer.  If you are on vacation, set your e-mail and voice mail to inform people of that when they contact you.  If you inadvertently return an e-mail or phone call late, apologize, and move on.  A simple statement such as, “I did receive your e-mail last week, I’m sorry I haven’t responded to you yet, here’s the situation/answer.”  Never insult someone by saying, “I’m just so busy.”  What?  Like we’re not all busy?  Everyone has more to do than time to do it in, but we all manage to prioritize and do what is important to us.  By apologizing and stating you simply have not responded yet, says to me, “Wow, she’s really busy.”  See the difference?
   Don’t get the last word. Are you one of those people who must always have the last word in a conversation?  Do you know it’s rude to do so?  Especially in e-mail.  If an e-mail does not require a response, don’t send one.  Writing back to say, “You’re welcome,” just because someone said “Thank you” in response to a file you sent is totally unnecessary.  The exception to the rule of, “if an e-mail does not require a response,” is if someone has sent attachments to you.  It is considered a common courtesy to let the sender know that you received the attachment, you’ve opened it, and there’s nothing wrong with it.  You don’t have to go into all those details, a simple “Thank you” will suffice, but do respond.  Do not, however, feel compelled to say, “You’re welcome.”  But if you do, please spell it correctly.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received, “Your welcome” in my inbox.  Really?  It’s mine is it?  Interesting.  I didn’t know I had a welcome and what in the world do I do with it?  But I think I’m getting into another blog post here so, back to the subject at hand.
   Don’t forward junk. This continues to be a problem despite all the warnings and companies’ attempts to ban it from their systems.  It is never appropriate to forward or send spam, (unwanted advertising), jokes, funny stories, etc. from your computer at work.  Save it for home.  Here’s the thing that really gets me.  When I told an employee once that I did not want her forwarding junk mail to her friends while at work and that she needed to do it from home, she responded with, “I don’t want to take my personal time to do that.”  (!?)  I’ve also had employees tell me they forwarded a message to their work e-mail address because it looked suspicious and they didn’t want to click on any of the links from their home computer. (!?)  Obviously, these are issues that need to be confronted by the employer, but from a purely etiquette point of view, I don’t appreciate receiving these types of e-mails while I’m working.  I’m afraid it’s going to reflect poorly on me if I open up an e-mail from you, thinking it’s something important, only to find a dancing naked baby on my screen just as my boss walks by.  What’s she supposed to think?  If I were the boss, I’d think I had a problem – and I’d probably be right.  This goes on a lot more than most employers believe – especially when you’re not looking.  If you’re in a leadership position, or desire to be, you need to set an example by 1) never sending e-mail of this kind, and 2) politely ask people to remove you from their list for such mailings in the future.�
   Don’t give away e-mail addresses when sending to multiple recipients. Here’s a good one few people are aware of. When you send an e-mail to multiple recipients, make sure the “Display As” feature in Outlook is set to show only the person’s name.  Otherwise, you’ve just given everyone’s e-mail address to everyone who received that message.  For example, if I send an e-mail to 15 executives from various companies about an upcoming Teleseminar, and I allow Outlook’s default of showing the e-mail address along with the recipient’s name, when each person receives his or her e-mail, they will also be able to see everyone else’s e-mail address.  In the healthcare industry, this would be a violation of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act.  But that’s also another blog post.  On with this show.
   Another option is to create a distribution list, which is what I do, unless you’re sending a message to a group of people who already know each other’s e-mail.  For example, when I’m working with people from our local community and technical college, I don’t worry if the addresses show because they all know each other and have access to each other’s e-mail anyway.
   Some people use the Blind Carbon Copy, “Bcc,” field so that the addresses are hidden.  That works fine, too, and might be your only option if you’re using a simple e-mail program like Outlook Express.
8. Criticizing the competition. Tell me why your company is better, not why theirs is worse.  One sure way to lose my business is to start discrediting your competition just because I ask you a question about them.  Any comment that includes negative generalities will cause you to lose my business. For example, “Oh, I used to work for them and, believe me, you don’t want to do business with them,” or, “You don’t want to do business with them, I hear they’re having problems and might be going out of business,”  Here’s what you should say instead, “They are a fine company and they have a fine product.  Here’s what my company/product/service/ will do that their’s doesn’t.”  That’s it.  Just tell me, be honest, why I should do business with you.  When you discredit the other company with general statements and negativity, you appear dishonest, and I don’t want to do business with dishonest people.  Do you?
9. Assuming the receptionist has no authority. In small businesses, it is common for the business owner or owner’s spouse to answer the phone, and to make buying decisions.  One day, while managing my husband’s dental practice, a sales person called and asked to speak to the “decision maker.”  When I informed the caller that he was speaking to her, he said, “No you’re not.”  I replied, “Excuse me?”  He explained, “You are not the decision maker or you wouldn’t be answering the phone.”  Do I need to tell you what my decision was regarding that company and their products?

In times past, the biggest worry among business leaders and educators was proper table etiquette.  In Proper Business Etiquette, I discuss the basics of participating in a formal dinner.  The post is not all-inclusive, but it does give you a good base from which to start.

Remember that the main purpose of proper etiquette is to make others feel at ease around you, and to build relationships.  Concentrate on that, and everything else should fall into place.

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Education, Leadership