Do you ever wonder why people seem to be upset with you but won’t tell you why?  Have you ever found yourself in an uncomfortable conversation with a co-worker?  Have you ever “caught” people talking about you behind your back? Do you tend to get ignored, or not taken seriously in meetings?  Are you a salesperson who’s barely making ends meet and you know there’s a “secret” you’re just not privy to?  Does your company do a good job of marketing and getting people to your place of business, but then, for some unknown reason, the customers don’t return?

All of these complaints are symptoms of poor business etiquette.  In this article, I’ve identified the 9 most common mistakes I see, and provided a few suggestions on how to overcome or avoid them.

1. Failure to smile and be friendly. The first problem I see when I’m conducting business is a general lack of motivation to try to be pleasant and gain the repeat business of the customer or client.  We all want to conduct business in a positive, friendly environment, and with products and services being pretty much equal these days, a pleasant atmosphere will definitely put one business ahead of another.  Besides, being pleasant, easy to work with, and keeping a smile on your face not only makes others respond to you in a friendlier manner and want to repeat business with you, but it makes you feel better as well.  If you have trouble finding a good reason to smile all the time, read The Power of a Smile.  The most challenging endeavor for any business is to create a customer and keep them.  If you hate your job, find a new one.  There are too many opportunities out there to be miserable.  Misery does not love company, well, actually, it might, but it doesn’t need it!  So stop spreading your misery and find a reason to smile!
2. Discussing personal problems at work. We have all been on the receiving end of this major faux pas; you have a co-worker who is either having marital problems and simply must discuss them with everyone in the office, or is having a problem with her supervisor and decides to educate everyone, including clients, about the situation.  It doesn’t take much to see that this is a problem, but what can you do about it?  First, always check your baggage at the door when you come to work.  Personally, I find that throwing myself into my work and completely focusing on being a good employee gives me a reprieve from any troubles I might be having at home.  I deal with work issues at work and home issues at home.  It is a much simpler way to live.  When I have a problem with a co-worker or boss, I work it out with that person and never, ever, let the customer “see you sweat.”  I guess I come by this naturally since my father taught me long ago that, “you never air your dirty laundry in public.”  He was right then, and his advice would certainly hold true today.
   What if you are on the receiving end of such a rant?  How do you politely tell someone to go away, leave you alone, and shut up?  Simply refuse to engage in any conversation that is not career-centered.  You can set an example by saying, “You know, Deana, I’ve made a New Years’ resolution to not bring my personal problems to work.”  Then, walk away.  She’ll get the hint.  If you are the employer and possibly the object of the problem, you’re going to have to bring the person in to your office or similar private area and address it.  Let her know that since she has an issue with you, the two of you will deal with it, and that talking about you to other employees or to clients is grounds for dismissal.  I have gone as far as having to send an employee home to “cool off.”  It works.
3. Inappropriate Attire/Hygiene. You need to take a bath every day before going to work.  You need to dress in a manner that is appropriate for your industry.  You can argue with me all you want, but the bottom line is this:  It pays to look and smell and feel your best. You’ve Only Got Three Seconds to make an impression and if there is anything offensive about you, you won’t get the job, you won’t get the promotion, or you won’t get the account.  I often find myself at a loss for words during a conversation with a young woman over why she does not dress appropriately for work.  It goes something like this.
   Debra:  “Do you know how you’re supposed to dress at work?”
   Young Woman:  “Yes.”
   Debra:  “Why don’t you dress that way?”
   Young Woman:  “Because I don’t have clothes like that in my closet.”
   Okay, so buy the clothes you’re supposed to be wearing and place them in your closet so that they’re ready to go on Monday morning.  Don’t use the worn out excuse of “It’s just not me to dress like that.”  You have chosen this occupation, so you need to make it you – or get into a line of work that does allow you to dress in a manner that is you.
4. Incorrect grammar. I used to think this was only a problem in rural areas of Appalachia where I grew up, but I’m finding it to be prevalent throughout the country and in all business communication, speaking and writing.  I’m not talking about the most formal of rules such as never ending a sentence with a preposition, in fact, we now advise that you write like you speak – it makes your communication more effective by showing your human side.  Don’t get me wrong, there are still places for highly formal writing, just not in general, day-to-day business communication.  What I find to be the most misused are verbs and adverbs.  For example, I frequently hear, “If I was going to do that,” when it should be, “If I were going to do that.”  Another example is, “She don’t care if you do that for her,” when it should be, “She doesn’t mind if you do that for her.”  One last example, “This conversation is to be kept private, between him and I.”  The proper phrasing is, “between him and me.”  I could spend days writing on this topic, but if you believe you have a problem with grammar, try ThinkQuest.  On a brief perusal through their site, it seems well laid out and easy to use.
5. Sexual innuendo. Jokes, crude remarks, or discussing personal hygiene in mixed company is completely unacceptable in the workplace.  The remark doesn’t even have to be crude; any comment that refers, directly or indirectly, to a sexual act is inappropriate.  Don’t split hairs with me here, either – when in doubt, don’t.  Ladies, don’t try to put this one off on the men, either; you are just as guilty as they are!  Approaching clients as potential dates for your widowed mother because she’s lonely is in appropriate.  Telling a “dirty” joke, even if you’ve asked permission of the client, is inappropriate.  Asking your male boss to start buying your tampons because your co-workers are stealing yours is inappropriate.  Telling your male boss that he’s going to have to overlook your crankiness this week because you’re on your period is inappropriate.  I know you’re probably laughing at this point, but I have personally witnessed all of these scenarios!
6. Reprimanding an employee in front of the client. Have you ever complained about a worker’s performance on the job?  Did you want that employee to be fired?  Did you want to see it happen?  Clients become upset when their business is handled improperly – and rightfully so - but just because they complain about an employee’s performance does not mean they want to see you lose control of yourself.  Remember, how you react in a situation reflects on you – not the person or situation you’re reacting to.  When you “fly off the handle” at someone, whoever is watching will end up taking the side of the other person and often, stop doing business with you altogether because it’s not worth the emotional investment.  It’s fine to let the customer know that you are going to deal with the situation, and never make excuses for an inept employee.  It’s your business, and therefore your responsibility to train your employees to perform their jobs well, and in the manner expected of them by both you and your customers.
7. Improper Email Etiquette. Wow – here’s a big one.  As long as e-mail has been around, you would think we would have conquered this one already.  On the other hand, the English language has been around . . . . a lot longer, and we haven’t mastered it yet either, have we?  Here are some points to remember when using any type of e-mail device.
   Don’t use all caps. Back in the 1980’s there was a time management firm, whose name I’m deliberately leaving out, that taught executives to use all caps in their e-mails, touting that this would save time.  However, back in the day, we had less control over our text and computer techs used all caps as a way of expressing anger or upset.  Soon, the business world caught on to this and said, “Hey, we need to abide by that rule that we only use all caps when we’re shouting.”  So now, e-mail etiquette guides spout this theory that when you use all caps, you’re displaying aggression.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I have used all caps in e-mails before and it was to emphasize my point, and I was upset.  However, when someone sends me an e-mail that is in all caps, I don’t assume that he or she is shouting at me.  Instead, all caps leaves me, and many of my peers, with the impression that you’re one of those executives who’s stuck in the 1980’s.  In other words, we think you’re not very with it.  Either way, you don’t make a good impression when you use all caps, so stop it.
   Do give a quick response. This rule applies to phone calls as well as e-mails.  When someone e-mails you and requires a response, do so within a day, two at the most.  The “I’m so busy” excuse reflects poorly on you because one could perceive you as having a time management problem.  If you must request information prior to responding, let the person know that it might be a couple of days before you have the answer.  If you are on vacation, set your e-mail and voice mail to inform people of that when they contact you.  If you inadvertently return an e-mail or phone call late, apologize, and move on.  A simple statement such as, “I did receive your e-mail last week, I’m sorry I haven’t responded to you yet, here’s the situation/answer.”  Never insult someone by saying, “I’m just so busy.”  What?  Like we’re not all busy?  Everyone has more to do than time to do it in, but we all manage to prioritize and do what is important to us.  By apologizing and stating you simply have not responded yet, says to me, “Wow, she’s really busy.”  See the difference?
   Don’t get the last word. Are you one of those people who must always have the last word in a conversation?  Do you know it’s rude to do so?  Especially in e-mail.  If an e-mail does not require a response, don’t send one.  Writing back to say, “You’re welcome,” just because someone said “Thank you” in response to a file you sent is totally unnecessary.  The exception to the rule of, “if an e-mail does not require a response,” is if someone has sent attachments to you.  It is considered a common courtesy to let the sender know that you received the attachment, you’ve opened it, and there’s nothing wrong with it.  You don’t have to go into all those details, a simple “Thank you” will suffice, but do respond.  Do not, however, feel compelled to say, “You’re welcome.”  But if you do, please spell it correctly.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received, “Your welcome” in my inbox.  Really?  It’s mine is it?  Interesting.  I didn’t know I had a welcome and what in the world do I do with it?  But I think I’m getting into another blog post here so, back to the subject at hand.
   Don’t forward junk. This continues to be a problem despite all the warnings and companies’ attempts to ban it from their systems.  It is never appropriate to forward or send spam, (unwanted advertising), jokes, funny stories, etc. from your computer at work.  Save it for home.  Here’s the thing that really gets me.  When I told an employee once that I did not want her forwarding junk mail to her friends while at work and that she needed to do it from home, she responded with, “I don’t want to take my personal time to do that.”  (!?)  I’ve also had employees tell me they forwarded a message to their work e-mail address because it looked suspicious and they didn’t want to click on any of the links from their home computer. (!?)  Obviously, these are issues that need to be confronted by the employer, but from a purely etiquette point of view, I don’t appreciate receiving these types of e-mails while I’m working.  I’m afraid it’s going to reflect poorly on me if I open up an e-mail from you, thinking it’s something important, only to find a dancing naked baby on my screen just as my boss walks by.  What’s she supposed to think?  If I were the boss, I’d think I had a problem – and I’d probably be right.  This goes on a lot more than most employers believe – especially when you’re not looking.  If you’re in a leadership position, or desire to be, you need to set an example by 1) never sending e-mail of this kind, and 2) politely ask people to remove you from their list for such mailings in the future.�
   Don’t give away e-mail addresses when sending to multiple recipients. Here’s a good one few people are aware of. When you send an e-mail to multiple recipients, make sure the “Display As” feature in Outlook is set to show only the person’s name.  Otherwise, you’ve just given everyone’s e-mail address to everyone who received that message.  For example, if I send an e-mail to 15 executives from various companies about an upcoming Teleseminar, and I allow Outlook’s default of showing the e-mail address along with the recipient’s name, when each person receives his or her e-mail, they will also be able to see everyone else’s e-mail address.  In the healthcare industry, this would be a violation of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act.  But that’s also another blog post.  On with this show.
   Another option is to create a distribution list, which is what I do, unless you’re sending a message to a group of people who already know each other’s e-mail.  For example, when I’m working with people from our local community and technical college, I don’t worry if the addresses show because they all know each other and have access to each other’s e-mail anyway.
   Some people use the Blind Carbon Copy, “Bcc,” field so that the addresses are hidden.  That works fine, too, and might be your only option if you’re using a simple e-mail program like Outlook Express.
8. Criticizing the competition. Tell me why your company is better, not why theirs is worse.  One sure way to lose my business is to start discrediting your competition just because I ask you a question about them.  Any comment that includes negative generalities will cause you to lose my business. For example, “Oh, I used to work for them and, believe me, you don’t want to do business with them,” or, “You don’t want to do business with them, I hear they’re having problems and might be going out of business,”  Here’s what you should say instead, “They are a fine company and they have a fine product.  Here’s what my company/product/service/ will do that their’s doesn’t.”  That’s it.  Just tell me, be honest, why I should do business with you.  When you discredit the other company with general statements and negativity, you appear dishonest, and I don’t want to do business with dishonest people.  Do you?
9. Assuming the receptionist has no authority. In small businesses, it is common for the business owner or owner’s spouse to answer the phone, and to make buying decisions.  One day, while managing my husband’s dental practice, a sales person called and asked to speak to the “decision maker.”  When I informed the caller that he was speaking to her, he said, “No you’re not.”  I replied, “Excuse me?”  He explained, “You are not the decision maker or you wouldn’t be answering the phone.”  Do I need to tell you what my decision was regarding that company and their products?

In times past, the biggest worry among business leaders and educators was proper table etiquette.  In Proper Business Etiquette, I discuss the basics of participating in a formal dinner.  The post is not all-inclusive, but it does give you a good base from which to start.

Remember that the main purpose of proper etiquette is to make others feel at ease around you, and to build relationships.  Concentrate on that, and everything else should fall into place.

Posted under Dental Practice Management, Education, Leadership