I’ve had several close, personal friends come to me lately for advice.  Considering this to be a huge compliment and ultimate faith in my ability to give good advice I, naturally, want to help.  Most of these people are now avid readers of this blog and know my philosophies, so they have come to me out of a sense of, “This isn’t working for me and I can’t figure out why – can you?”

About 98 percent of the time, every desire not yet manifested, and nearly every problem, stems from four basic areas.  Whether it’s something that you’re trying to create, or a situation you’d like to change, consider these 4 questions and you’ll find your blockage almost immediately.

Have you identified your desire in detail? Have you used your imagination to picture the new car, house, people treating you better at work, etc?  Your imagination is your most useful tool in recreating your life.  Since I just wrote a post on this, Facing Reality, I’m not going to spend any more time on it here, just remember to use your imagination, as you did when you were a child, to visualize your desired outcome – whatever that is.  (Most of you are getting pretty good at this.  That’s great!)

Do your thoughts reflect your true desire? What is your internal dialogue like?  You know what I’m talking about; when you’re going about your daily routine, or just sitting and mindlessly watching television, are your thoughts positive or negative?  Are you thinking about what you want and getting excited about it?  Or are you imagining “worst case scenarios” for other areas of your life?  Read How to Conquer Persistent Negative Thoughts if you think this is an issue for you, and if internal banter is a problem, check out, How to Control Your Internal Dialogue.

Do your words reflect your desire? What do you talk about?  I’m not saying that you have to share your goals with everyone you know, in fact, I usually advise against doing so.  I’m also not advocating that you talk about your dreams all the time.  But all of that gossip, negativity, bringing other people down for no reason whatsoever, or reliving how someone hurt you - all of it lowers your vibration and keeps you from getting what you want.  This is probably the biggest room for improvement in the lives of most of my friends.  You say you want one thing, but then you talk about all of your problems, everything that’s going wrong in your life, and all in the excuse of needing to talk about it.  You would be better off spending that time alone, visualizing your ideal day, interacting with no one, than participating in the latest water cooler scandal.  When you sit down for lunch with your co-workers, do you share all the good things that are happening in each others’ lives, or do you talk about the people who aren’t there at the moment, or the boss, or the company, or about how hard it is to make a living working there, etc?  Your mother was right:  If you don’t have something good to say, say nothing at all.

Read Achieve Success by Surrounding Yourself with a Positive Environment for more on this topic.

Do your actions reflect your aspirations? Are you “acting as if,” in faith?  Or are you letting other things get in the way?  Are you doing everything you can to be the person you say you want to be right here, right now, in this very moment?  Remember, determine what you want to be and then be that; do what you feel inspired to do; and you will have everything you want to have.  If you truly believe that your desire is possible, if you believe in God and the universe, and if you believe that all things are possible, your actions will reflect that belief.  You will no longer speak unkind things and you will guide your thoughts and develop the ability to focus on your true desires.  Once you accomplish this, the world is your oyster.  Wouldn’t that be worth it?

Until next time,
Live joyfully!

Technorati Tags: Motivation, Success

Posted under Law of Attraction, Leadership, Motivation, Success, Weight Loss

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Wanna know what I am most thankful for this year? That it’s almost over! This has been a very difficult year for me, but I am thankful for contrast. Without trials and tribulation, would we appreciate joy and success?

The highlight of my year was my nephew’s wedding.

Hawaii was nice, too.

To my cousins, and ALL of our soldiers in Irag: I love you and miss you and THANK YOU!

Count your blessings and, as always, LIVE JOYFULLY!

Posted under Education, Motivation

In 1897, an Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto observed a pattern in the distribution of wealth among citizens no matter the country or time period concerned.  He found that the distribution was extremely skewed toward one end:  A small minority of earners always accounted for a large majority of the total wealth.  Pareto’s theory was tested, forgotten, revived, proven, and eventually adopted in the United States and Europe during the 1960’s as the “80/20 rule.”

The 80/20 principle has been applied to many disciplines and basically states this:  80 percent of results come from 20 percent of effort.  While the formula is not 100 percent accurate, it is amazingly close and I have read many examples where it was dead on.  In dentistry, I often talk about “Top 20 patients.”  This refers to that 20 percent or so of patients who are responsible for approximately 80 percent of the practice’s revenue for a given year.   Any business can apply this principle to just about any area of that business.  Eighty percent of the work is completed by twenty percent of the workers.  Eighty percent of your inventory comes from twenty percent of your suppliers. As an average individual, 80% of your productivity, comes from 20% of your time.  Take a minute to think about that.  The average worker, 80% of us, spends 8 hours per day on the job, but less than two hours of that is productive time!   You’d be surprised at how many small business owners I share that statistic with and get the response, “Tell me something I don’t know!”

So how can you become one of the 20% of individuals who accounts for 80% of all success?  Identify what you do best, what makes you the most productive, and what provides the greatest value to you and/or your organization.  What are those tasks?  Now identify the tasks you do that could be performed, probably even better, by someone else.  Are there some things that could be eliminated completely?

I find that a lot of companies have employees doing things just because “we’ve always done it that way.”  We maintain the status quo when we could be setting records because our people are spinning their wheels in low productivity, time-consuming, practically worthless tasks.  When we allow people to focus on their top 20 contributions, their creativity is spurred and we start innovating in our industry.  A company is only as strong as it’s people.  This is true whether you are a small business owner working alone, or a Fortune 500 company.

For an in-depth study on how to become more effective and productive, check out Richard Koch’s Living the 80/20 Way.

Posted under Conscious Creation, Dental Practice Management, Inspiration, Law of Attraction, Leadership, Motivation, Success

Perhaps the most frustrating personality for me to deal with as a consultant is this: (Picture this with me for a moment.)

So once the client is finished talking, I ask the question, “What are your goals?”

Which is typically followed with, “What?”

So I patiently repeat, “What are your goals for this business?” Then, when I get that look, I expound with, “You said that you’re not producing as much as you should be.  What should you be producing?  What is your production goal?”

Then I get this:

Well, I’m friends with a guy who practices in Metropolis, USA and our town is about that same size.  Oh, we might be a little smaller, but he has more competition in his area.  We went to the same schools, we’ve been in business about the same number of years, we have a similar size office and number of staff.  But he’s doing twice what I am.

“Okay, so is that your goal?  You want to be doing twice what you are now?” I ask.

“Oh, I don’t think I could ever do that,” he replies.

Big sigh and roll of the eyes from me – even if only in my head.

Now, immediately I know this person has a self-image issue to some degree, right?  (See yesterday’s post.)  As a business consultant, though, I usually do not have time to address that directly.  I might, if it seems appropriate and the opportunity presents itself, say something to the person privately about it and direct him or her to some reading material.  But what I get paid to do is get the business on track.  So I start with setting some goals and continue with my consulting process to locate blockages and create systems to prevent problems and protect assets.

The reason I shared this story with you is because it happens so often I figure everyone can relate to it.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some great business leaders out there who know exactly what they want.  When I walk in and the person in charge says to me, “We’re trying to gross $100,000 a month but we’ve been stuck at 60-70K for the past year now.  We can’t figure out what we’re doing wrong. We’d like to know if you think our goal is achievable and what we need to change to make it happen.”  That’s when I know I’m going to accomplish a lot with this team.

You see, and here’s the main point, (I bet you’re glad I’m getting to it,) it’s impossible to construct a road map when you don’t know where you’re going.  Oh, you can get in the car and drive.  You can drive for a long time, a very long time.  You can even go home at night, get up the next day and start driving all over again.  But where are you going and why?  Do you know?  At what point do you make up your mind to stop driving around all day not knowing where you’re trying to go?

Calling in a consultant to “fix what’s wrong” when you haven’t set goals is like stopping to ask for directions when you haven’t decided your desired destination.  Seriously, would you stop and ask a gas station attendant, “Can you tell me how to get to where I’m going?”  Then expect him or her to tell you without asking where you want to go?  (I’m back on my soapbox aren’t I?)  Better yet, would you allow the gas station attendant tell you where he/she thinks you should go?  I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is what I am asked to do every day.  “Would you please tell me where I should be and how to get there?”

Please understand that I love helping people figure out what their goals are.  I love leading goal-setting seminars.  But too often in the consulting venue, business owners want me to tell them what other businesses in their industry are doing and give them a quick fix on how they can just do a little better than that.  It’s the old “We just need to outdo our competitors” way of thinking.

In today’s world, outdoing the competition is not enough.  If you want repeat business, you’ve got to be excellent and innovative.  You should be striving to be the best and constantly changing to improve and be even better than yourself if you are the best.  Why even settle for being the best when you can be a trend-setter?

“Do not go where the path may lead; go where there is no path and leave a trail.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Why not strive to do something in your industry that no other business has accomplished or even thought of before?  Something that would give you a competitive advantage and set you apart from the guy (or gal) down the street?

So are you ready to set some goals?  Okay, here we go!  Get out some paper and a pen.

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine that you are on your deathbed.  You are 100 years old, and you are content, peaceful, and ready to die.  You are content because you have accomplished every major goal you set for yourself and your life.  Take a minute or two and really think about this.  You had an impact on people.  You are leaving a legacy.

Now open your eyes and write down what you did.  What have you accomplished over the course of your life from now until you’re 100 years old that makes you content, peaceful, and satisfied with the way you have lived?  What specifically did you do?  Who did you work with?  Whom did you affect? Write everything down; business and personal, mindful and spiritual.

Got it all written out?  Good.  Okay now write down how you accomplished this.  What steps did you take?  Whom did you have to go through?  Was more education involved?

Next, write out where things take place.  Where was your greatest impact?  It can be a city location, it can be specific like a university campus, or it can be more non-tangible like in your family, mind, or heart.

Now write out:  Why you?  What unique qualities or experiences did you have that allowed you to make this impact?  Why you; why now; why these things in this way?

Now it’s time to do some planning.  You’re going to write down how you are going to accomplish your goals and when each step in the process will be complete.  You might have to do some research to complete this part and that’s okay. You already know what the end result is.  Doesn’t that feel better?  Congratulations, you now know your unique purpose in life. And you thought you were just going to set some goals!  You have discovered your destiny. I’ve known people who have gone through this process and cried for hours.  That’s okay.  It really should be that deep.  If you’ve never dealt with any of these thoughts or feelings before it can be very emotional.  Some people don’t cry and that’s okay, too, but it should have some effect on you if you’ve never completed the process before.

I believe that is why some people stay away from goal setting.  We know our goals should relate to our mission in life, and that’s an emotional thing to think about.  It is so deeply personal and most of us don’t want to go there.

I’ve heard all the excuses.  I’m too busy working to try to achieve something and make something of myself I don’t have time to set goals.  I’ll know what my goal is once I reach it.  I just want to make money, that’s all I care about.  I just want to live comfortably and be happy.  I just want to please my spouse/mother/father.  I can’t make my own choices so why should I strive for something I can never achieve?

All of these comments come from a place of fear.  Some people are afraid of the responsibility of living up to their destiny.  They know they are destined to be great people, but they’re afraid of what that means.  Some people are afraid of accomplishment.  “I want to make a million dollars, but what will my family think or say about me if I do?”  Some have tried setting goals in the past and either failed, or had a bad experience.  Pope John XXIII said, “Consult not your fears, but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”

I want to challenge you to do this:  Pretend that when you wake up tomorrow, you will have amnesia.  You will not remember anything about your past.  You will know your family and friends and you’ll know what you need to do and where you need to go to work, but all your personal past is gone – completely wiped from your memory.  All you have is your hopes and dreams for your future.  How do you think that would change your life?

Until next time,
Live Joyfully!

Posted under Inspiration, Motivation

As a success coach, one of the biggest problems I see with my clients is their self-image or lack of self-esteem.  The problem is more prevalent with women than with men for reasons that I will not get into in this article – most of us know what those reasons are anyway – but it does affect all income and professional levels.

Your self-esteem determines your energy level and the vitality of your personality. It is the control valve on your performance.

How you react, both consciously and sub-consciously, to everything that happens to you and around you affects your self-esteem in some way.  Your perception of each stimulus either increases your self-esteem or lowers it.  Your response to every word or gesture of other people toward you affects your self-esteem in some way.  Therefore, the defense and development of your self-esteem becomes the key to high performance, happiness, and ultimate success.

While many things affect your self-image, one of the most important is the difference between your current self-image, the way you see yourself in the moment, and your self-ideal, the way you would ideally like to be either right now, or sometime into the future.

Whenever you feel your current performance and behavior is consistent with the person that you would like to be, your self-esteem goes up.  You feel happier and more exhilarated.  You have more energy and enthusiasm.  You are more positive and personable with others.  You’re in a good mood.

On the other hand, when your current performance or behavior is inconsistent with the person you like to be, your self-esteem goes down.  You feel anxious and unhappy.  You feel self-conscious and embarrassed.  You feel frustrated and angry.  You feel depressed and in a bad mood.

So how do you increase your self-esteem and create a self-image that will propel you forward instead of holding you back?

First, develop a clear picture of the person you want to become.  The greater clarity you have with regard to your self-ideal – the person you would most like to be – the easier it is for you to tailor your performance and behavior to be consistent with that kind of person.  Sometimes it is helpful to read about someone whose personality you admire, and try to adapt his or her behaviors.  For example, Shelly Branch and Sue Callaway have written a great book titled, “What Would Jackie Do?”This book details some of the characteristics of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis.  Men tend to like anything by or about Winston Churchill, like “Never Give In.”

Second, visualize yourself behaving in the manner you desire.  We all have some recurring situation that gets the best of us.  We never know how to react until it’s too late and the opportunity has passed.  However, people with a well-developed self-image rarely have this problem.  They have practiced, (I’m not kidding,) saying or doing that which they desire until the opportunity presented itself to behave in a certain way.  It’s just like an actor preparing his or her lines until the night comes to perform.  Every time you do or say anything that is consistent with the person you want to be, your self-esteem goes up.  When your self-esteem goes up, your self-image begins to change.  You feel positive and powerful.  You feel capable of doing more and better things in that area and in other areas of your life.  You become the person you want to be because you are your self-image!

Third, realize that “reacting” to a situation doesn’t always mean you have to say something.  Remember earlier when I said that how you react, both consciously and sub-consciously, to everything that happens to you and around you affects your self-esteem in some way.  Sometimes, it’s best to just let the other person say what they want, then silently say to yourself, “That’s not true.  I’m a very smart person.  I’m organized and thorough.  This was just a minor mishap that will never happen again.”  As long as your inner mind can influence your self-image, there is really no need to start confronting every issue.  Choose your battles.  Doing so will give you an amazing sense of control.

Fourth, engage in positive self-talk.  I’ve already alluded to this in the above paragraph.  But I want to address it in a little more detail.  Start saying nice things to yourself.  In his book, “Million Dollar Habits,” Brian Tracy says one of the ways he increased his self-esteem years ago was by repeating to himself 10 to 50 times a day, “I like myself!”  The powerful message behind this phrase is that even when you mess up, and we all do, you can still like yourself.  Or at least you should, because that what self-esteem is – liking yourself no matter what.

Listen, things happen to us.  Everyone, even the most successful person, has setbacks.  What matters, as I’ve been saying throughout this article, is how you react to them.  Don’t let anything or anyone keep you from attaining the success you deserve.  You can do anything, but you need to know that and believe it first.  Defend and develop your self-esteem.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk about another issue that holds otherwise great people back, but today, I’d like to hear from you.  What holds you back?  Do you think you have low self-esteem or a bad self-image?  Who has inspired you to change?  Whom would you most like to emulate?

Until next time,

Live Joyfully!

Posted under Motivation

Recently a client was complaining that he had a difficult time getting his staff to follow check-off lists for important systems that need to be completed in a certain way at specific times throughout the day.

I must say that I am right there with him in his perplexity of what the issue is.  I love lists.  I have a list for just about everything.  I could retire if I had $1 for every time I’ve heard, “Now that’s a shopping list,” at the grocery store.

I have a packing list that I use and keep updated for items I need when traveling.  Everything is on that list.  Being able to follow that list and knowing that absolutely everything I need is on it keeps me calm while I’m packing and helps me get the job completed faster.

The real power of lists, however, comes from what happens in our subconscious minds when we create a list or follow one routinely.  Have you ever had the experience of forgetting your shopping list and yet you remembered everything on it?  Most people just think, “Wow.  I’m good.  See, I didn’t need that list after all.”  So you stop making the list.  Then what happens?  You don’t remember things as well.

Many people, including some psychologists, believe that when we write things down, we’re writing them on our subconscious minds.  Can you think of all the implications this could have?

I, for one, am a firm believer that “writing it down makes it happen.”  And there many other people out there who share my view.  See Write It Down Make It Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser.

In some ways, lists are like pets:  Feed them and they will give you lots of adoration and unconditional love.  (But I can’t remember the last time my cat spouted back to me my top 20 career successes.)

In writing this article, I found 18 reasons to love keeping lists and was inspired to write a poem.  (Elizabeth Barrett Browning, please forgive me.)

Ode to My Lists

By Debra Moorhead

Oh, list. How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.

I love how help me remember my important goals in life and yet, at the same time, how you’re not too full of yourself to remind me of the little things too.

I love how you always want to go everywhere with me and never complain about how much I put on you.

I love how you sit quietly and patiently until I am ready for you.

I love how you clear my head and organize my thoughts.

I love how you help me make my dreams come true.

I love how you can retrieve so much information at my every whim.

I love how you keep me calm by always making yourself available during trying times – like packing a suitcase – and through thick or thin.

I love how you know my hopes, desires, dreams, likes, dislikes, and accomplishments and yet you never judge me.

I love how your only concern is with me and my needs.

I love how you are always available to me, morning, noon, night, every day, week, month, season, year and beyond.

I love how the only time you fail me, is when I forget you.  But then you always forgive me, and are willing to stay by my side at all times.

I love how you keep track of all my ideas and never laugh at them.

I love your versatility; you can be personal and professional, static or dynamic.

I love how you can mingle my business and personal lives and yet, at the same time, keep them separate.

I love how you help me create systems that lead to my success.

I love how you always come through for me.

I love how you never get jealous of other lists.

I know there are many other ways that I am leaving out.  Ah, but alas, you will eventually remind me!

Okay, so my poetry writing needs a little work. Other than that, what do you think?  In what ways have lists helped you?  What kind of lists do you keep?  (I am always looking for new lists to try.)

Until next time,
I Invite you to Live Joyfully!

Posted under Conscious Creation, Dental Practice Management, Education, Inspiration, Law of Attraction, Leadership, Motivation, Success, Weight Loss