Debra Moorhead . com

Motivation, Education, Inspiration /// Empowerment for Those Who are Ready

August 31st, 2007

Dressing Appropriately in Today’s Workplace

Two decades ago, when I entered the workforce, there were very distinct rules on what was considered appropriate business dress.  Your level of professionalism and many times the very position you had acquired was measured based on the number of pieces of clothing you donned each day.  Attorneys wore three-piece suits.  Sales professionals were always in suit and tie, college professors were often seen in sport coats and ties, etc. 

Women in the 1980’s workplace fought for pantsuits.  Even though the pantsuit became popular in the 70’s, it was considered inappropriate in conservative business environments until the 90’s. On my first professional job out of college, pants were not allowed at all.

With the adoption of “business casual” in the 90’s, which is how we got our pantsuits approved, came no formal guidelines as to what this “look” could consist of and still be acceptable in the office, business meeting, or corporate workforce.

I’ve worked for companies that have tried to define it, stating such things as “no jeans.”  That certainly leaves a lot of leeway, doesn’t it?  And for those companies that have tried, there is still a wide gamut of what is acceptable and what is not.

So how does a person, especially a woman business executive, decide what is appropriate and what is not?  Lately, I’ve seen a lot of things and thought, “what is she thinking?”  So today, I’d like to lay down some guidelines for those who may be interested in what I consider “appropriate” business wear and why I believe the way I do.

First of all, I just want to get men out of the way.  This issue is not as big of a deal for them because they don’t have nearly as much to choose from when it comes to fashion.  For the most part, men simply need to consider their client, or who they are meeting with.  If you’re Steve Jobs, you can get away with wearing jeans pretty much anywhere.  The rest of you need to consider where the meeting is being held and how your client will be dressed.  A three-piece suit would be rather hot on a construction site and steel-toed shoes might not go over well in the courtroom.  I have not witnessed many offenses lately by men so this article will be directed toward women.  I’m not saying that men never dress inappropriately, it’s just that there is usually a woman around who will point it out to them rather quickly; “You should have worn . . .”

So here we go ladies, how to dress appropriately in today’s workplace.

Consider the environment.  If you’re going to a meeting at a client’s site and it’s a hospital, are the people you’re meeting with going to be in business suits or scrubs?  This is an important thing to consider because if you dress too casually, you’ll come across as not taking the account seriously, or not having respect for those with whom you are meeting.  On the other hand, if you dress “over-the-top,” you could intimidate the decision maker or lose the account out of pure jealousy.  Remember, You’ve Only Got Three Seconds, how do you need/want to come across?

Don’t try to be sexy.  Trying to prove something that should either be obvious, or not, makes you look desperate and weak.  Sure sex sells, but serious business people want to do business with people who are capable.  While being attractive helps in all walks of life, if you look like your last job involved a street corner, you need to scale it back a bit.  And with so many of today’s decision makers being women, who might be required to wear scrubs or a construction hat, strutting into the room in stilettos and a mini-skirt might not get you the decision you wanted.  Even if the decision maker is male, he might not be interested in your toned thighs, and would you need to be doing business with him if he were?  Be careful here.  Most of the time, trying to play the “sex sells” card backfires – big time!    What I have personally witnessed in this area, is that a woman who tries too hard to be sexy in the workplace ends up alienating her female co-workers and potential allies, while getting laughed at behind her back by men.  Sure, they might want to date her, but they are not going to trust her with a million-dollar account.  So like I said, be careful how you come across because that’s exactly what you’ll get in return.

Think “balance.”  If you’re the least bit uncertain about how the client will be dressed, go middle-of-the-road.  A pantsuit with a nice blouse and 2-3-inch business-like heels is almost always appropriate.  A nicely balanced look, not too dressy, not too conservative, not too casual should never offend anyone.  If you’re overdressed they’ll tease you, if you’re underdressed, you’ll know for next time, but in the meantime have not represented yourself or your company poorly.

Think “power.”  Remember, the point of dressing appropriately is to get your prospect’s mind off of what you’re wearing and on to your abilities – what you can do for them – which is why you gain their business.  If you design, produce, and sell widgets, you need to look like someone who is capable of designing, producing, and selling widgets.  Your point of power is in your abilities; does your style of dress represent that?

Plan your wardrobe.  The “I have nothing to wear,” excuse is not acceptable in the workplace.  You know what your job is and how you need to appear.  (If you didn’t before, hopefully you do now after reading this article.)  I find the most efficient way to shop for work clothes is to sit down with a catalog and buy outfits or things that will work together.  Otherwise, when I go to the department store, I end up buying casual outfits or just whatever they have that particular weekend.  It is best to take stock of your current inventory and create a list of items you need to complete that great look.  Then go shopping, browse a catalog, or go online.

Now, some specifics.

Wear hose.  “Bare legs, even tan and perfectly smooth, are unprofessional; period,” said a friend of mine recently and I agree with her.  If you’re like me and don’t like to wear pantyhose in the summer, wear pants.  There are other cool options besides bare legs.

Leave the wild things in the closet Monday through Friday.  “Zebra stripes don’t look good on anybody’s derriere,” says my friend Melinda and she’s right.  It’s fine to show your personality in your clothing, but keep it to one, small piece.  A pin, a blouse that’s mostly covered by a jacket, earrings, necklace, you get the drift.

When in doubt, don’t.  You know when you are appropriately dressed.  If you have to ask, you’re not.  Be five minutes late to look good.  You and everyone else will be glad you took the extra time.  Of course, if you take my advice and plan your work wardrobe at least one week in advance, you won’t have to be late.

Related Articles:

Look Your Best Every Day

Make the Perfect Impression at Your Next Interview

How to Create Your Look

Be a Shopping Pro

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GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW When you’re ready to stop talking about changing and ready to actually create the life you want, you’ll want to purchase my latest e-book to help you get started and on the right path. I share my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams. Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do the same. It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.” Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and the cost is only $19.95.

August 29th, 2007

Making a Real Difference

Among the most common reasons people want to learn to utilize the law of attraction is:

  • To become wealthy
  • To become famous
  • To accomplish some great fete
  • To do all of these!

But if I were to ask you to name the 5 wealthiest people in the world, or the last 5 Academy award winners, or the last 5 people to win a Nobel Prize, could you do it?

My point is that few of us remember the people in any of these categories for very long.  Even the people who reach these accomplishments are rarely happy just because of them.  I mean, imagine for a moment that as of 9 AM this morning it was discovered and announced that you were the wealthiest person on earth.  Would that make you happy?  Okay, maybe it would.  But what if, at 10 AM, that accolade went to someone else?  Would that make you sad?  You have the same amount of money at 10 AM as you did at 9 AM – maybe even more, but someone surpassed you.  How do you think you would feel if your ultimate life’s goal was to become the richest person in the world, and you achieved it, but for only one hour?

Interesting to think about, isn’t it?

Now, what if I asked you to name 5 teachers who inspired and motivated you, 5 friends who stood by you through thick and thin, or 5 people who have made a significant difference in your life – could you do that?  I thought you could.

People who make a real difference in this world are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.  They’re the ones who care about others, and take the time to show it.  People who make a real difference in this world care about their influence on others.  They care about other people from the perspective of wanting to help.  They use their skills, talents, and abilities to help others in some way.  Some become wealthier for it, some win awards, and some are recognized in other ways, but they are almost always innately happy.  That kind of happiness lasts.  It doesn’t matter if someone else comes along and accomplishes the same thing, in fact, the best people in any field are the ones who accomplish something great, then mentor others.

Go ahead.  Ask someone you know who is always helping others; someone you think makes a real difference in your community, however small it may be.  Ask him or her if they are happy.  I bet you’ll get a big smile.

If you want to be remembered for making a difference in someone else’s life, make them feel appreciated.  Do something to uplift them.  Help someone with their workload.  Help someone carry in their groceries.  Do something good without expecting to be acknowledged for it.  See how it makes you feel.  I bet you’ll feel like you’ve made a real difference.

 

You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW  When you’re ready to stop talking about changing and ready to actually create the life you want, you’ll want to purchase my latest e-book to help you get started and on the right path.  I share my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams.  Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do the same.  It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”  Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and the cost is only $19.95.

August 27th, 2007

Self-Discipline versus Inner Guidance

Have you ever had an experience where you put off doing something that you thought you “should” do, only to find out that if you’d done it when you were supposed to you would have wasted a lot of time? 

Most people have.  It’s the number one argument people use against self-discipline.  Obviously, I want to talk about this today.

I’ve witnessed this debate many times in my career development seminars.  I can always see the resistance in the non-disciplined person’s eyes just before their hand shoots up to point out their previous experience.  I usually start with this definition from Elbert Hubbard regarding self-discipline:

“ . . . the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.”

A lot of our current day high achievers would agree with this statement.

“Why then,” comes the question, “have I often put things off and had it turn out for the best?”

Let’s discuss it.

While it is true that your inner guidance will assist you by subtly influencing you to “procrastinate” on a project or particular item that is unnecessary, or on something that the timing is not quite right, more often than not, your hesitance in applying your self-discipline is actually self-sabotage.  Deep down, you feel that you are not worthy of having more than you currently have.

You know, and your inner being knows, that a healthy diet, exercise, handling an issue, working, putting in a certain number of hours on an important project, or some other specific course of action would truly benefit you.  When you procrastinate on these items, it’s a signal that you need to learn to honor yourself more.

Yes, this is usually when the room (in my seminars) gets quiet also.

When I get an “urge” to put something off, it’s usually a feeling of, “Well, I could work on this now, but something’s telling me not to.  I don’t know what it is – can’t quite put my finger on it, so I’m going to hold off for now.”  Then, sure enough, a few hours later I find out that the project has been canned or altered in some way.  That’s my inner guidance.

Contrast that experience with, “Okay, it’s time to go walking.  But it’s so hot, and I’m so tired, and I worked so hard today.  I don’t want to over-stimulate myself before going to bed,” etc. – on with the excuses, some of which are not even true.  See the difference?

Yes, I am familiar with the theory that if your resting heart rate is a certain percentage above your normal it is counter-productive to work out that day.  I could use that as an excuse.  Here’s the problem:  I am not a professional athlete.  (And never will be!)

Yes, it has been very hot here in Kentucky this summer.  On some nights, it really has been too hot to walk.  But most of the time, that would just be an excuse.

So how do we discern the difference?  How do you know when it’s just an excuse and when it’s legit?

I think you know.  I believe we always “know.”  The trick is to be able to identify when you are not honoring yourself soon enough to take action in the present moment.  The more you can do this, the less it will happen in your future.

The best way to break this habit, is to deliberately schedule time to be good to yourself.  Schedule a massage, or to play a round of golf.  Treat it as an appointment you have with someone else and keep your commitment. 

Then, the next time you start to excuse yourself out of going to the gym, you’ll recognize exactly what it is you’re doing – dishonoring yourself.  Once you recognize it, you’ll think, “Ah, this is what Debra was talking about.  Okay, I am going to honor myself by going to the gym, I am going to keep my commitment.  Even though, in this very moment, I really don’t feel like it, I know I’ll appreciate having followed-through later.”

Eventually, you will have formed the habit of going to the gym just like you go to work, and your self-discipline will carry over into other areas as well.  Taking these actions will significantly increase your self esteem. 

The greatest advantage I have found to learning to listen to my inner guidance and exercise my self-discipline is that I have a lot more time on my hands on the weekends to do as I please.  It has been absolutely amazing.  My feelings and moods drive my days to a large degree now because I’ve learned to honor myself through self-discipline.  I do what is most important at the right time, and it’s paying off.  I plan my week in advance, and if something is on my schedule, I do it, unless I have “that feeling.”  I get a lot more accomplished now than even a year ago and I feel like I’m working less.  What a great feeling!

You can accomplish this feeling, too.  All you have to do is be willing to stop, ask, and listen:  is this my inner guidance, or do I need to honor myself through self-discipline?  The answer will “come” to you.

You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW  When you’re ready to stop talking about changing and ready to actually create the life you want, you’ll want to purchase my latest e-book to help you get started and on the right path.  I share my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams.  Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do the same.  It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”  Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and the cost is only $19.95.

August 24th, 2007

What to do when you can’t sleep

Unlike most people, I have trouble sleeping when I’m excited about something – like when I get really good news or have a good day at work or am anticipating something exciting happening.

I had a really good day today with a lot of project confirmations and I’m so excited about my workday tomorrow I just want to get started right now.

However, it’s 10:30 PM and I know me – if I don’t fall asleep by 11 PM, I won’t get up until after 7, then I get a late start and I beat myself up for staying in bed too long.

Now, I do have an Ambien prescription for this sort of thing, but I don’t like to use it any more than I have to – or – to be more succinct, my doctor doesn’t like for me to use it very often.  So I try to respect that and only use Ambien when I’m traveling. 

Whether you’re laying awake worrying, or “working ahead,” it’s good to have a few tricks up your sleeve for falling asleep.  Naturally, I have a list.  If insomnia strikes you frequently, I hope this guide will help you.

  1. Plan your day.  Sometimes, just getting all that exciting stuff down on paper and seeing how it’s all going to fit into tomorrow’s schedule helps me relax and get sleepy.  That certainly helped tonight.
  2. Read a book.  This is what I do a lot of times to get my mind completely off the subject.  Most people say that you should read a boring book, that wouldn’t do it for me because my mind would take off to the exciting stuff again.  On the other hand, the book should not be too stimulating either, or you’re just defeating the purpose.  So something in between dull and exciting.  Oooo – what about a catalog – yeah – shopping would help!  Shopping helps everything!
  3. Write in your journal.  Just like writing about things that are upsetting you will work to get things off your mind, writing about your excitement will help as well.  Your mind can let it go once it’s down on paper.  Try it.  It works.
  4. Write a blog post.  This has also helped for tonight.  I’ve done this many times.  (Ah – I can hear so many of you saying, “That explains a lot!”)  Okay, okay.  I always proofread the next morning prior to posting, though, so it shouldn’t be too bad.
  5. Read a blog post!  There are a lot of helpful posts out there about insomnia.  I didn’t take the time to research it, but I’ll bet there are other posts out there like this one.  See if you can find them all!
  6. Surf the internet.  This always makes me tired.  Place that order with Amazon you’ve been meaning to, check e-bay for the latest and greatest, see if your local grocery store will let you buy online and deliver your groceries to you – or Google your favorite hobbies.
  7. Watch non-stimulating television.  Nothing too intense, but, again, it doesn’t have to be boring.  I like the Cosby show.  We TiVo it and have a few to watch anytime.  Handy!
  8. Pet your cat.  Your cat will like this one and you will, too.  There’s just something about petting a cat that is so relaxing.  He purrs, falls asleep on you, and you follow.
  9. Listen to relaxing music.  This is not something that would stand alone for me, but it will definitely help if I’m utilizing this last one:
  10. Paint or draw.  This one is not mine.  I have a friend who gets out of bed to paint or draw –whichever she feels inspired to do that night– anytime she has trouble falling asleep.

These are some things that help me or people I know – and they work at the last minute.  Of course there are things that you should do if insomnia is an on-going problem.  I would highly recommend hypnosis, and seeing your regular physician. 

Well, I’m very sleepy now.  Good night!

You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW  When you’re ready to stop talking about changing and ready to actually create the life you want, you’ll want to purchase my latest e-book to help you get started and on the right path.  I share my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams.  Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do the same.  It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”  Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and the cost is only $19.95.

August 22nd, 2007

15 Ways to Use Your Commute Time Wisely

Since I live in a rural area, just about anywhere I go is one to two hours away.  The closest large grocery store is 20 minutes away.  So I’ve learned a lot of little tricks as to what to do with this time that I’ll share with you today.

  1. Obviously, you can listen to soothing or upbeat music to either wind down or get geared up for your day.  On my longer trips I use 20 minutes of my time just for this purpose.  It makes a huge difference.  I make my own CD’s with my favorite tunes of the month on them.
  2. Listen to motivational gurus.  I hope to have some podcasts for you to listen to soon, but until then, anything by Brian Tracy, Steve Chandler, Les Brown, or your own favorites will do!
  3. Storm your own brain.  This works for short commutes as well as long ones.  When a problem arises, instead of stewing over it, which only makes it worse, use your commute time to brainstorm ideas to resolve the issue.  Brainstorming is not just for large companies or groups of people.  Write the problem at the top of a sheet of paper and write down every solution that pops into your head.
  4. Turn off the radio.  It’s fine to get weather and road information, but listening to drivel is never as productive as going inside yourself to find out what’s in there.  Besides, none of us need to be more brainwashed by some of the exaggerated political views expressed just to get the station’s ratings up.  Use the radio for your purposes and let the blowhards’ words go where they belong – into thin air!
  5. Practice your scripts.  These can be anything from a few lines you have in your church play, to what you want to say and how you want to say it to your boss, your teenager, all the way up to a movie script!  Practice your tone of voice.  Practice a song you need to rehearse.  Practice your 30-second commercial for the next networking event.
  6. Daydream.  Create your ideal daySegment intend.  These are very powerful ways to use your commute time.
  7. Plan dinner.  This may seem simple, but I have often had dinner preparation go much more smoothly just because I took the time to plan it out, only in my mind, ahead of time.  I decided what to do first, next, and so on.
  8. Reflect on the day replaying any negative events to your advantage.  If something didn’t go the way you would have liked, instead of dwelling on it, pretend it went the way you wanted.  How would that scenario have played out?
  9. Make a commitment to that one thing.  There is one thing you can do today, tonight, or tomorrow that, if you did, would make a huge leap for you in propelling you forward in your life.  What is it?  Make a commitment to it.  Decide exactly how, when, and where you will fit it into your schedule.
  10. Decide on a new role.  Don’t like the way you’re treated at work or home?  How would you like to be treated?  What character can you think of in a book, play, movie, or television that portrays the qualities you desire?  Practice the persona of that character.  Challenge yourself to carry it into real life.  You’ll be amazed at how effective this strategy is.  You’ll start to hear, “Wow, you’ve changed!”
  11. Clear your head.  Practice alert meditation.  No, it’s not dangerous.  Sometimes I just have to turn everything off, including my own voice, and just be.  It’s meditation with your eyes open.  If you do it correctly, you’ll be even more in tune with traffic and intuitively know when to slow down and anticipate changes in your route. 
  12. Practice positive thinking.  When a negative thought enters your head, immediately replace it with a positive thought.  If more people would do this while commuting, we would have much less road rage.  When I catch myself becoming upset with a driver who I’m judging is driving too fast, instead of letting him push my buttons, I just get out of his way and think, “Poor thing.  He must be late.  I could probably help him with his time management skills.”  Then I take a second to appreciate the fact that I am running on time and that I have pre-paved my good mood.  All is well!
  13. Open your present.  This one is from Steve Chandler who says: 
  14. “Practice being awake in the present moment.  Make the most of your awareness of this hour.  Don’t live in the past (unless you want guilt) or worry about the future (unless you want fear), but stay focused on today (in case you want happiness.) . . .See your whole life as being contained in this hour.   . . . It’s amazing what can be done by people who learn to relax, pay attention, and focus, appreciating the present hour and all the opportunity it contains.  The great French philosopher Voltaire was on his deathbed when someone asked him, ‘If you had 24 more hours to live, how would you live them?’ Voltaire said, ‘One at a time.’”

    Do you really want to spend the next hour becoming frustrated over something which you have no control anyway?  If you’ve been commuting for awhile, you know how long it takes to get to where you’re going.  Allow enough time from the start.  If you’re in an unexpected jam, you know there’s nothing you can do about it.  Getting angry at the people in front of you who aren’t moving isn’t going to do any good; becoming upset with the people who caused the accident or problem isn’t going to clear it any faster.  Just about everyone has a cell phone these days – make your calls and enjoy your unexpected leisure time.  Maybe the universe put you in the situation for a reason.

  15. Set small goals.  Whether you are in to goal-setting or not, setting small goals for the day or evening will give you something positive to think about for your commute.  Working on small goals is often more motivating than big goals because they’re more easily achieved.  If you’re a strategic planner like me, you’ll have small goals already broken down for you; try to make them even smaller.  Think in terms of even smaller steps.  This is fun and energizing!
  16. Plan to make somebody’s day.  In his autobiography, They Call Me Coach, John Wooden says:

“You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”

The best way to make sure they can never repay you is to do something for someone without letting them find out you did it.  Plan this during your commute – what a challenge!

These are my 15 ways of utilizing my commute time – I’d love to hear some of yours.  Leave me a comment using the link below, and have a blissful day.

You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW  When you’re ready to stop talking about changing and ready to actually create the life you want, you’ll want to purchase my latest e-book to help you get started and on the right path.  I share my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams.  Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment is helping many others do the same.  It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”  Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and the cost is only $19.95.

August 20th, 2007

I’ve turned into Martha Stewart!

Several years ago I got a sudden and intense urge to go all out in decorating my house for Christmas.  Being the researcher and planner that I am, I went to the library to browse through and check out some books on the subject.  There were plenty of options that absolutely thrilled me and I knew I would be busy for several weeks.

At the last minute, before taking my books to the counter to check out, my eyes fell upon one of Martha Stewart’s smaller books.  The subject was snowmen.  I don’t think the book is still in print – I could not find it on Amazon, at least.  Anyway, I grabbed the book without looking at it first.  When I did look it, several days later, I began to realize what people mean when they describe Martha as being “over the top.”  These were not snowmen, they were ice sculptures!  If I am recalling correctly, one process involved a chain saw! 

Do you know what would happen if my neighbors saw me in the front yard, in the dead of winter, surrounded by snow, with a chain saw in my hands?!

Now, don’t get me wrong, here – I really like Martha Stewart.  In fact, the older I get, the more I like her.  I don’t why that is, but it’s true.  If you’ve ever read any of Martha’s books, you know that excellence is not just something she strives for, but the bottom-line, only acceptable result.  I admire that paradigm.  I really admire that kind of thinking.

However, as someone who just fired her fifth housekeeper in ten months, (I know, I know  - but that’s another blog post), I’m thinking that not everyone feels the same way as Martha, my mother-in-law (Cynthia), and I do about a clean, tidy house.  Alas, I am beginning to understand why so many women are stressed out.

Therefore, my next endeavor is to write a housekeeping guide for the working woman.  I’ll apply my strategic planning skills to home maintenance.  So say tuned . . .

In the meantime, I want to share with you my own “over-the-top” interest in gardening.  In the summer, my flowers are my pride and joy, as the photo below shows.  I get that paradigm from my grandmother, although I’m sure Martha’s flowers would be something to see as well!

Enjoy my flower photos and have a joyful day!

Debra with her flowers Summer 2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Debra with her flowers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Debra Moorhead with her flowers Summer 2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW   If you’d like to read all my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams, and am helping others do the same, you’ll want your own copy of Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Guide to Self-Empowerment.  It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”  Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and it’s only $19.95.

August 17th, 2007

Don’t Believe Everything You Read

Do you believe everything you read?  Do you believe that just because someone has written about a particular topic that that makes them an expert?

I know several people who do, and then the other day I came across this quote from Aristotle

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

I frequently get comments or e-mails from readers who disagree with something I have written.  I’ve even had one person tell me I didn’t lose 25 pounds in one month, that it was silly to mislead my readers in such a way.  (What a polite way to call someone a liar!)

While I respectfully explained that if I didn’t lose 25 pounds of “body weight” as this person called it, I lost 25 pounds of something – whether it was brain cells or maybe I got my hair cut that month or whatever – the weight disappeared and never came back.  The purpose of that post was to share how I did it.  That’s all.  It has now helped hundreds of people, possible more that I’ve never heard from.

But I definitely respect this person’s right to express her beliefs as well.  Because, as Evelyn Beatrice Hall put it best:

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

Everyone has the right to tell their story.  Some stories are incredible, indeed.  And yes, there are many who abuse the internet, abuse blogging, and abuse us in general by telling false tales.  But the ones that are legit, as incredible as they may sometimes be, often help a great number of people.

So how does one decipher something helpful versus a tall tale?

I’m not really sure it matters all that much.  If a story is untrue, but it helps you in some way – even if it just gives you a chuckle, then perhaps it has served its purpose.

Even if a story is true, like mine, but you can’t accept it, it’s not going to help you at all.  I’ve witnessed many situations where a person couldn’t believe the truth and therefore didn’t get the help they needed.

So before you change your belief system or even an action item based on something you’ve read, take a moment, an hour, a day, or longer to reflect on it.  Decide for yourself if something is credible for you, or not.

 

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August 15th, 2007

How to be Assertive without being Mean

One of the toughest subjects in the workplace for women is how to get what we need without having our co-workers dread our arrival in the mornings. 

Too often, women are so conscientious about how they will be perceived, that they end up being weak, being seen as weak, and treated as, you guessed it, weak.  These women are typically passed up for greater opportunities because they are viewed as “too thin-skinned to do the job.”

On the other hand, women who stand up for themselves are often viewed as overly aggressive and avoided at all costs.  These women are also passed up for greater opportunities because they are viewed as “not worth the emotional energy.”

So how do you find your balance?  How do you walk that middle line, getting what you want and deserve while smelling like a rose among all your peers?

Let me share what I’ve learned.

It all comes down to communication skills.  The words you use, the tone with which you deliver them, and the timing, are all very important factors.  Let me give you a specific example.

I’ve recently come into the middle of a technical writing project.  So I’m learning what I need to learn and getting my bearings.  The writers who are currently on the project have performed a great job so far, but they are at a point where they cannot move forward until their contact person from the client company delivers more information.  Here is what I’ve overhead in the form of a voice mail being left:

Hi.  This is “Becky” with “XYZ Company.”  I was just wondering if you had had a chance to get that information for us.  Please give me a call if you can soon.

Weak?  I think so!

Now, here is what a certain project manager I used to work with would handle that same voice mail:

This is “Pam” from “XYZ.”  If I don’t have what I told you I needed last week, I will have to charge you more money.  Period. Get me the information or be prepared to pay the price.

Too strong?  Yep.

Here’s what I would say:

Hi, Larry, it’s Debra with XYZ.  I’m at a standstill on the project until I get (whatever it is I need.)  I know it’s important to come in on time and on budget with this project, so anything you can do to get that to me as soon as possible will save us all a lot of hassle.  If you have any questions about my request, my e-mail address is _______-, and my phone number is _________.  If there is someone else I need to contact about this matter, please let me know.  I’ll check back with you in a couple of hours.  Thanks!

For whatever reason, this always works for me.  Project leads are always asking how I build rapport so quickly and always get