How I Lost 25 Pounds in One Month is the most popular post on this website. Over 250 (UPDATE 8/7/2012 - NOW OVER 1,000) of you have e-mailed me to say that the diet is working for you and your family members, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

Also, some of you have made comments or e-mailed me with questions and at this point, I am starting to get the same questions again and again, so I thought this would be a good time to update the post.

UPDATE 8/7/2012 - The most common question I’m now getting is, “Are there any other systems out there that really work?  I don’t necessarily want to count calories.”  So after much research, I’ve found a site that reviews weight loss products and keeps us all updated.  I’ve signed on with them as an affiliate - that’s how much I believe in what they do.  Check them out and let me know what you think!

The most common question I receive is about the caloric need calculators, which are not the same today as 10+ years ago.  Most of you were expressing your concern over the number of calories they calculated for you under my plan compared to what I remember eating way back then.  So I went back online to try to find a calculator that would give me 1425 calories for a 5’6” female wanting to weigh 123 pounds.  Guess what – I didn’t find one.  All of the calculators returned a number of around 1630 for me now, at age 38.  When I input an age of 27, the result came back at 1688, still a lot more than 1425.

Obviously, if that had been the number I was given back then, my results would have been different.  Why are the calculators different now?  I don’t know.  But here is what I want you to do.

Most of us have a basal metabolic rate of somewhere between 1200 and 1300 calories per day.  That means, that if you did nothing but lie in bed all day, you would expend at least that many calories.  The taller you are, the higher that number, so if you’re 5 feet or below, use 1200, if you’re 6 feet or above, use 1300.  At 5’6” I would use 1250.

Take the number that the calculator below gives you, add your basal metabolic rate, (1200-1300, depending on your height), and then divide that number by 2.  For example, this calculator tells me I should consume 1630 calories to maintain a weight of 123.  1630 + 1250 = 2880. 2880 divided by 2 equals 1440.  So I would start my diet by consuming only 1440 calories per day.

What I have shared with those of you who wrote me about this, is that after that initial 4-week period, my weight started to go below 123.  Once I hit 118, I began consuming more calories.  I’m just guessing here, but I’d say I leveled out at around 1600 or a dab more, which is in line with what the calculators today are telling us.  I’m betting that they are more accurate today than the one I used over 10 years ago.  That would make sense.  But if you’re not getting the fast results you want, cut 200 calories per day and you will get there faster.  Just don’t go below 1200.

Something else I did not go into in the last article is the fact that there are 3500 calories in a pound.  There are a lot of websites out there who tell you that if you want to lose one pound per week, you need to cut back 500 calories per day.  Keep in mind that that is from your current caloric intake.  So, unless you know what that is, that number is completely useless.

What some of you did, was a double-whammy, where you took the number of calories for your ideal weight, then subtracted 500 from that, which left you way below 1200.  No. No. No. No. And No.  Remember, if you want to weigh 123, all you have to do is eat like a 123-pound person, and you will eventually become a 123-pound person.  Don’t make it harder than what it is.

On the flip side, here’s what some of you have done.  When you use the calculator, you input that you are a moderately active person.  Doing that will automatically allow you more calories per day than someone who inputs sedentary.  But then, you decide you’re going to keep up your work out.  I’ve told you I’m okay with that, (not that you need my permission), as long as it doesn’t “mess you up” in other ways like I talked about in the previous article.  But here is what you do next – you take the number of calories the machine at the gym says you’ve burned during your work out, and you add that to the number of calories the calculator gave you, forgetting that you’ve already allowed for those extra calories in your original calculation by saying that you’re moderately active.  So if you want to use the numbers on the machine, tell the calculator you’re sedentary.  Or forget the numbers on the machine, and stick with the number from the calculator.  Any extra calories you burn at the gym will help you reach your goal faster.  But only if you refrain from eating calories to make up for the ones you burn.

Losing weight is an exact science, but when you throw in too many variables, it becomes complicated.  That’s why I like to keep it simple and not exercise in the very beginning.  That’s also why I limited my diet, for those first three weeks, to only microwave meals and fast food.  This leads me into my next topic.

I know that a lot of you out there who will be reading this are teenagers, more specifically, teenage females.  And while my diet plan makes sense to you, your parents get a little suspicious of anything on the internet.  They get especially suspicious when you start talking about buying microwave dinners to live on for a month and buying a book that only talks about fast food.  You know what; they have every right to be suspicious because they are your parents.  They are responsible for your well-being and they take that responsibility seriously.  Be thankful that you have parents who care enough about you and your well-being to question what you do.  Here’s what you can do.

One reader printed out my article and took it to her mother to read.  Once she did, she understood it and actually helped her daughter with the system.  She has lost 27 pounds, and her mother is starting to use the system as well.

If you have a parent who won’t let you buy microwave meals because of the chemicals that are in them, you will have to purchase a set of food scales and a book that gives you calorie counts for raw foods.  You can still follow the system, you’ll just have a little more work to do.  But you can do it.

If you are anorexic/bulimic, you can use this system to retrain your body back into a healthy way of eating in conjunction with your psychotherapy treatment.  One reader says is helped her keep a sense of control – counting the calories and keeping a spreadsheet.  I can see how that would help because in this system, you eat exactly what your body needs, and not one calorie more. So there’s no need to worry about gaining unwanted weight.  It is very much about control, but it’s easy.

Most importantly, this is not about doing anything unhealthy.  I want you to follow your intuition and do what feels good to you.  If you think the caloric needs calculator is giving you too high a number, take a couple hundred off – just don’t drop below 1200.  If you don’t like fast food or microwave meals, find what you do like that can keep the calorie count of.  If you’ve developed a habit of exercising and don’t want to quit – don’t.  Take those extra calories into consideration and enjoy them!  This plan is rigid only in the number of calories you consume.  How you arrive at your number is completely up to you.  To weigh 123, you must think, eat, and act like you weigh 123.

Our natural state is well-being.  All is well.  I encourage you to look at the reasons you overeat.  For me, it was just plain ignorance.  That was it.  If that’s what it is for you, because I believe that’s what it is for a lot of people, it’s okay.  The good news is, once you find out you’re ignorant of something, anything, you’ve already become more enlightened.  Can you see that?  You don’t know what you don’t know.  Once you become aware of a subject, you can start to learn about it, and come to know it.  I overate because I did not remember that eating more calories than I needed would cause my body to store fat.  I ate because something tasted good and I didn’t want to “waste” anything.  Once that thinking changed, so did my eating habits, and so did my life.

UPDATE 2/20/2009 - A lot of you have expressed concern over the number of calories various calculators return to you.  If you use a Basal Metabolic Rate Calculator, like the one at http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/ you will get a better “starting point.”  Read the two short paragraphs at the top of that page, and then make a common sense judgment from there.  If you are sedentary, try eating just 150 - 200 calories above your BMR.  For example, my BMR at the time was 1250, I ate 1425, and lost the weight fast.  Your results will depend on your BMR, how much you eat, and how much you burn.  Your enthusiasm and vibrational energy also play a factor, and here are more things to consider. (Back to the original article)

Resources:

This is the best information I have ever seen on losing weight and well-being.  You’ve got to get a copy of this.  If I could post it for free, I would, but it’s not that much of an investment.  Besides, you deserve it.  Read the comments on it and feel free to ask me any questions you have.

Think and Get Slim: Natural Weight Loss

Related Articles:

How I Lost 25 Pounds in One Month

Look Your Best Every Day

How to Create Your “Look”

My Simply Successful Secrets

Ideal Weight Calculator

Caloric Needs Calculator

Posted under Education, Inspiration, Motivation, Weight Loss

In my career development seminars, I cover a 100-point interview checklist, complete with interview questions.  One of these days, that’s going to turn into an E-book!  In the meantime, I want to share with you the 10 most common questions that my students tell me they are always asked, and how to answer them appropriately.  I’ll also share where, as an experienced interviewer, I see people mess up. 

What I’m going to do is give you the question, explain what most employers are looking for, then tell you how to properly answer it.  Sound like fun?  It will be.  Let’s go!

1. Tell me a little bit about yourself.  Employers/interviewers are hoping that you will open up and tell them things they cannot legally ask.  That’s why they often start with it – it may save them some time by not having to ask you as many questions. So this is your chance to let them know you’re a smart person by being open and honest about who you are. 

What I like to hear is something like, “I’m happily married with two beautiful children who are 6 and 10.  We’ve lived in Flemingsburg for 3 years now and love it.  My husband works for a local company and hopes to get a promotion soon.”  It’s okay to say something about your religious preference here, if that applies.  If you’re an “older” worker and you think your age might be an issue, here’s your chance to state it and give the benefits of it.  Like, “I went back to school at the age of 47 when my company closed down.  I’ve learned so much in the past couple of years!  I think that being older helped me to stay focused on my studies and get better grades than I would have when I was younger.  I know (this subject) inside and out.”  If applicable, you can even compare your latest school experience with your educational performance at a younger age.

It’s also good to include something, in brief, about your work history.  Where are you on your career path?  Why are you applying here?  How did you lose your last job or why are you looking?  Things like that.  Don’t prepare a report, you’ll get into the details later in the interview.  A synopsis like, “I worked here, and then there.  That company went out of business, so I went back to school and am now looking for a position that will challenge me.”

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to open up.  Personally, I’m more frightened in an interview by someone who’s vague.  I was interviewing a person once for my husband’s dental office and his response to this question was, “I don’t know what to say.  I’m a good person, I pay my taxes, I’m just like everybody else.”  That was the first “red flag” sort to speak and I did not hire him.

2. Tell me why you’re interested in working for me.  Employers have egos.  Did you know that?  They want to be wanted.  They want to know that you’re truly interested in this business and possibly this particular establishment.  If the job comes down to two people, and one had a definite interest in working here and the other did not, who would you give the position to?

The best answer I’ve ever heard, was, “Well, I’ve decided I want a career in dentistry, and I’ve heard you’re the best.  If you don’t hire me, I’ll apply at other dental offices, but I’d prefer to work here.”  Do I need to tell you that this woman works for my husband to this day?

3. What have you done in the past year to improve your knowledge?  Continuing education is required in many fields today and employers want to hire people that will readily improve their skills and knowledge.  So be prepared for this one.  It can be as simple as purchasing and reading books on your own time to improve your skills on your current job, or to prepare for the one in which you are interviewing. 

4. Why are you considering leaving or why did you leave your current/last job?  Interviewers are listening for reliability and job fit for the position for which you are applying.  Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a problem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad.  Talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward-looking reasons.  And don’t say anything that doesn’t add up like, “The drive was too long,” when your drive to this job would be just as long or longer.  We’ll catch things like that.

5. How would you describe yourself as an employee?  What are your strengths?  What things do you think you might need to improve?  What employers are listening for here is information about your work ethic, and your willingness to serve others.  Do you work hard, smart, or both?  It’s okay if you don’t consider yourself to be a “hard worker,” you’ll just want to phrase that fact carefully.  For example, “I’m a thinker.  When a crisis arises, I’m not necessarily the first to take action.  I have a need to examine all the possible solutions before making a decision.  The strength in that, is that I don’t overreact, or act too soon.  I could probably improve on my ability to make decisions quickly.”

Now, on the flip side, if you’re the type who likes to be told what to do and when to do it, without having to think much, you would say this.  “I’m a hard worker.  I will jump in and help anyone with anything.  Tell me what to do and I will do it.  My strengths are that I am dependable, and will see a job through to its completion.  I could probably improve on my ability to take charge and make my own decisions.”

Please, never, ever, say, “I am perfect in every way and have no weaknesses.  You and your employees will feel honored to work with me.”  Likewise, don’t say, “I don’t know.”

6. What sort of people do you prefer to associate with as personal friends?  What type of people do you like least?  Why?  Employers are listening for openness and lack of prejudice with this question.  Your answer will also give them a clue into your personality.  It is best to concentrate on people you do like, and do not even bring up any type you do not like.  A good answer is, “Mostly, I hang out with people from my [name a group], but I think it takes all types of people to make the world go ‘round.”

7. If I wanted to tell your coworkers what they should know about you in order to work well with you, what would you tell them?  What the interviewer would like to ask is, “Are you easy to get along with?”  However, everyone knows that there is no way you would get an honest answer.  Not because people are dishonest, but because it’s such a subjective question.  We all think we’re easy to get along with, but we also know we have our “ticks.”  Your answer to this question will make or break your interview.

If your response starts out with, “Tell them they should,” or “Tell them I am looking for,” or anything that lists your requirements of others, you’re sunk.  Approaching the question from this direction highlights the fact that you expect others to live by your rules.  It means you’re judgmental, probably a drama queen, and definitely difficult to get a long with.

Your response should start with, “That I am . . .”  For example, “Tell them that I am sometimes shy around new people at first, but once I get to know them I will open up.  In previous jobs, people thought I was a snob, when I was really just shy.  But once I was on the job for a while and we all got to know each other, everything was fine.”

My favorite answer from an applicant was, “Tell them that I am the type of person who would do absolutely anything to help them, in any way I can.  I love everybody and want everybody to love me.”  She was hired.

8. Tell me about your future.  Where do you see yourself in 3-5 years?  Mostly, your interviewer wants to know if you’ve thought this far ahead.  Are you a planner, in other words?  Also, they are probably wanting to know if you plan to still be in the geographical area.  Most employers are looking for people who will stay long term.  Training employees is very expensive, and it often takes months or years to get an employee fully trained.  Small businesses cannot afford to hire someone only to have them quit about the time they are trained.  The best thing you can do is answer this question honestly.  Sometimes, employers are looking for a temporary sub and if your skills are in check, you might be just what they are looking for.

9. Out of ten of your closest friends, how many of them would say you’re totally honest?  This is not a trick question!  The answer is all 10!  At least, I hope that’s true for you.  If you say a number anything less than 10, the interviewer will ask the follow-up question, “Tell me about these (number) people.  Why would they say you’re not?”  What are you going to say then?  Okay, it’s time for my all-time dumbest responses during an interview list.  Here’s what I’ve heard in response to this question:

• Well, two of my closest friends don’t really like me.
• No one is totally honest . . . are you?
• I’ve lied before, in fact, I do it all the time.
• My friends know me really well, but I’m not that way on the job.
• Honestly, I have honesty issues.
• My parents taught me you’re not supposed to be honest all the time.

Yes, I’m not kidding, I’ve heard these answers during interviews.  Look, we’re not trying to trip you up.  We’re not going to come back and say, “Aha!  You said you’re totally honest but no one is totally honest all the time.  You mean you’ve never told someone they look nice when you really didn’t think they did?”  That is not going to happen.  What the question is really trying to get at is this: Are you trying to be an honest person in your dealings with others?  When it comes to what really matters, are you honest?  The thing that gets me, is that people who aren’t honest, have no problem with this question.  (Chew on that one for a minute!)  But rest assured, that as a trained interviewer, if you lie on this one, I will find the truth in your answer to another question.  So all the rest of you can relax. 

10. What words do other people use to describe you?  The employer wants to know that you care about the impression you make with other people.  So don’t say, “I don’t know, you’d have to ask them.”  (Yes, I got that answer once.)  The best thing you can do, is prepare a quote or two from actual co-workers. “Susan Smith, one of my co-workers at ABC Company, always said I was one of the hardest workers she had ever known.”  Otherwise, just say, “My friends say I’m organized, loyal, and hard-working.”

Your Assignment

How prepared were you for the above questions?  Go back and write out your answers to each, using the guidelines I’ve given you.  Once you’ve conquered those, try these at CollegeGrad.com.  The more you think about these types of questions the more confident you will be in your next interview.  And when you start getting offer after offer after offer, you’ll be very glad you took the time to formulate your perfect answers.

Posted under Education, Leadership

I’ve been tagged again.  This time by Karen at Live The Power.  As before, I am honored.  The original idea for this post came from Aaron Potts at Todayisthatday.com.  While I no longer have time to participate in every tag that comes my way, this one is very worthwhile.  Aaron’s idea came from the concept of copying genius.  I have spent my entire life living this paradigm, so here goes.

Following are my top 10 success habits, with links to posts on topics I’ve written about before for much more detail.

1. I keep a special journal where I write my ultimate goal every day.  I’ve been doing this for almost two years now and it keeps me focused on my main objective and helps me eliminate time wasters.  It also motivates me.  This is the first thing I do every morning.
2. I also have a goals journal in which I have every goal listed at the top of a page, with action steps listed below it.  This is the second thing I do each morning.  I review each page, check off anything I’ve completed, and add to the steps as I receive divine guidance.  Writing my ultimate goal puts me in a trance-like state so that when I move on to all the individual goals, I’m often inspired by my guardian angels, my future self, or divine providence.  Having this as a daily ritual helps me get into that state a lot quicker.  The ideas just come, or I get a better sense of what to concentrate on today.
3. I still do weekly planning as taught by the FranklinCovey approach that I learned so many years ago.  Each Saturday or Sunday, depending on my schedule, after reviewing all of my goals, I look at the week ahead and decide what to work on and when.  Doing this helps me realize if a deadline is set too soon, but also keeps me on track and motivated.  I’m one of those people who takes it to infinity – I even plan our meals during this session.  Knowing what I’m going to cook ahead of time allows me to better plan grocery trips and know when to thaw what.  Of course, I allow a sudden inspiration to change things, but overall, my subconscious knows what I want to accomplish in a given week and how much time should be spent.  I will often change things around and tweak things here and there, but I will never give up my weekly planning.
4. I use Microsoft Outlook to keep my to-do list and recurring tasks organized.  I plan my week using a traditional paper planner, but my daily reminders are stored in Outlook.  I’ve been using this system for more than 8 years and would be lost without it.
5. Each day, I take time to appreciate where I am right now.  A couple of weeks ago I had a task come up in Outlook that I had set one year ago.  It was to remind me to go back in my journal one year, (my regular daily journal), and read the entry to compare where I was today.  It was amazing!  I have learned so much and my business has come so far in one year.  I had no idea one year ago that I would be blogging, or that I would be successful at it.  All I had was my mission statement, my ultimate goal, and my firm belief in myself.  My goals are on going.  I learned a long time ago that the only way to stay motivated is to be constantly updating and creating goals.  One side effect of this paradigm is that it makes you successful beyond your wildest dreams.  Another possible side effect is that it can potentially make you feel like you’re always struggling.  But taking the time to appreciate where you are now, each and every day, helps you to focus on your successes.  Failure does not exist; this is a journey.  Appreciate how far you’ve come, the fact that you are on your path, and the fact that there is plenty of road still ahead of you.

These are my top 5 daily habits.  Following are 5 more success habits that I utilize and believe to be critical to a person’s success.  I will spare my regular readers some redundancy by giving a synopsis with a link to my original post.

1. Personal Strategic Planning is a concept used by many successful people and has been invaluable to me.  I now review my plan monthly, which feeds into my weekly planning as mentioned above.
2. Determining Your Top 20 activities has been crucial to me over the past several years, but especially since starting my own business.  It’s too easy, when you have control over your own time, to become distracted and get off track.  When you’re a control freak, it’s easy to give in to the “If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself,” thinking.  When money is tight, it’s tempting to try to do everything yourself to try to save a few bucks here and there.  But once you sit down and think about where your money really comes from, and what you truly enjoy doing, you’ll view each task on your to-do list very differently.
3. Look Your Best Every Day.  Really.  It’s motivating, and one of the best success “secrets” out there.  What I’ve noticed, however, is that people who get it, get it.  Those who don’t, don’t.  I hope you do.
4. One Hour of Solitude is what I practice anytime I start to feel overwhelmed.  It’s a way of allowing my natural state of well-being to take over my Type A personality.  I’m always glad I took the time for it, and it definitely makes me more productive in the long run.
5. Lastly, because I want to honor the request to keep the list to 10 items, I must say that nothing matters unless you’re living your life on purpose.  The greatest gift you have to give to the world is your own happiness.  If you’re not happy right now, Wake Up and Create the Life You Want.

I now tag Alex King, Rebecca Newburn, Dave Prouhet, and Wanda Grindstaff.

Until next time,
Live Joyfully!

Posted under Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

Whether you’re going for a job interview or meeting a potential client for the first time, you have only a few minutes to make them fall in love with you.  Do you know what it takes to make the perfect impression?  Are you completely comfortable with your ability to present your best self?  After reading this article, you will.

As I’ve mentioned before, You’ve Only Got Three Seconds to make an impression with your appearance.  So what you wear and how you present your physical self is extremely important.  Personally, I find this to be of high importance all the time, but if you’re one of those people whose personal style is always casual, you may need to think twice, and prepare a little more for an interview or important meeting.  However, gone are the days when I tell everyone to wear a business suit for a job interview.  Let me explain further.

What employers and business associates are looking for when you’re in an interview-type situation is two things.  The first, is whether or not you have the skills required, if that is an issue, and you probably would not have been called in for an interview if you do not.  So that one’s pretty much covered, they are just wanting to clarify a few things or make sure that you appear as good in person as you do on paper.  So the second aspect they’re looking for is even more important, and that is do you have “the look.”  Would you fit in?  Do you look like someone who works for or with this particular company?  Now, don’t expect many employers to admit this, but it is true.  They don’t want to “upset the apple cart,” so you need to look like someone who would fit in, even if you’re going to be in a leadership position.

When I talk about “the look,” it’s not about beauty.  Although, for some companies I worked for in the past, that was an important aspect.  But really, what they’re looking for is that you have a compatible look with the employees who are already there, or a little better.  So if you’re applying for a dental assisting position, you need to look like a dental assistant.  Likewise for a bank teller, teacher, pharmacist, salesperson, attorney, etc.

So, how do you use this information to make the perfect impression?  Find out how the current employees and supervisors dress, or take your best guess, then either copy that or step it up a notch.  For example, when my husband and I interview potential employees for his dental practice, it impresses me if they come to the interview dressed either like a front-office dental staff person, or in scrubs.  The idea is, I get to see what he or she would look like on the job.  That’s important to me, because I care about the impression our employees make on our patients.

However, I do want to warn you about something.  If you currently work in a dental office, and your interview is shortly after your work shift ends, it is okay to come in dressed in your current work scrubs.  BUT, be certain, absolutely certain, that you are clean, your shoes are clean, your hair is clean, makeup is fresh, etc.  It does not impress me if you come in looking disheveled with dirty tennis shoes.  If that means you need to take an extra pair of scrubs or shoes to change into, do that.  But presenting yourself as “this is just the way I look at the end of a long day – I can’t help being dirty,” doesn’t cut it with me.  I know what clean employees look like at the end of a long day.  Don’t insult my intelligence, and especially my husband’s, by pretending that’s just how it is.  That might be how you are, and we want no part of it.  We’ll pass, “thank you for coming in.”

The next way to make the perfect impression, is to find out everything you can about the company.  But don’t stop there.  What is the position for which you are being interviewed?  What is your background/knowledge/skill set in this area?  How can you make a difference for the company?  Is this an area where the company needs to improve and how can you help them do that?  Learn everything you can about the company, about the job, and how your abilities meet the demands of both.  Knowing these things will give you confidence, which packs a double-whammy in the impression-making department.  At the end of the meeting, if your interviewer has not asked the right questions, be prepared with a statement that answers all of the above questions for him or her.  That will make a fantastic impression!

Be sure to take the following with you to your interview: 

1. A perfectly prepared resume, even if you think they already have one
2. A notepad and pen, the best you own
3. A briefcase – no purse 
4. A small bottle of water

Let’s examine each of these items in detail and why I know they’re so important.

A perfectly prepared resume, even if you think they already have one because they may have lost your resume, or it could be in the human resources department and unattainable at the moment by the person who is interviewing you.  Be prepared.  I always took three copies with me because I was frequently interviewed by more than one person, and I preferred to have a copy to look at myself if they had questions.  I can’t tell you how many times having extra copies of my resume impressed my interviewers. Your resume also has your references and their contact information on the back page, or should anyway, in case you need to complete an application.

A notepad and pen, the best you own, will make you appear interested in the job and professional.  You will want to ask questions, we’re going to talk about that in a minute, and you will want to write down the answers you receive.  You will also want to take notes about anything that is revealed to you about the job.  Also, you might even be given an “assignment” to complete, and you will look better if you have your own pad and pen.

A briefcase, not a purse, will allow you to carry all of these things in style, without having to hold them in your arms while schlepping a purse on your shoulder.  And please, please, please, don’t carry a briefcase and a purse!  You want to appear open, accessible, and friendly.  Having your arms full will hinder your ability to shake hands appropriately, makes you appear unprofessional, and too encumbered.  If you do not own a briefcase, carry a nice leather folder.

A small bottle of water might save your voice, and the impression you make.  If you’re the nervous type, your throat probably becomes dry before an event like this.  That’s okay, it’s normal.  Sometimes, just knowing that you have a small bottle of water in your briefcase will calm your nerves a bit.

Next, I’d like to talk about what to do if you’re asked to wait for several minutes in a waiting or common area prior to your interview.  There’s something you need to know about that; often, you’re being watched.  I want you to know this because it’s being used more and more in all sizes of companies.  And sometimes, it’s not so much that they plan to watch you, they just can’t help it.  Therefore, besides the obvious things, like picking your nose, you’ll also want to avoid talking to yourself, rehearsing for the interview, and steeling anything from the area like magazines or supplies. 

What you want to do, is smile at everyone who comes into your view, and sit quietly with your feet on the floor or crossed at your ankles.  It’s okay to read a magazine if you’ve been told it’s going to be a while, but don’t lick your fingers to turn the pages, or tear out pages to keep for yourself.  If you feel the need to “freshen up,” ask for the restroom.  And, please, if there are doughnuts, cookies, or any other food out, they are not for you, they are for the clients. You should arrive for your interview properly fed, and only need a sip or two of your water. 

Let’s now move in to the interview portion and talk about how to answer questions honestly, and properly.  While you certainly want to present your best self in this situation, you also need to be honest.  It does neither you nor the company any good if you lie your way into a position for which you’re going to be miserable, or incapable of performing.  At the same time, there’s no need to be suspicious of each question, thinking that the interviewer is trying to “trip you up.”  Trust me, she is not.  In most cases, the interviewer wants you to do well so that he does not have to do very many more interviews.  Folks, this is not the most fun experience for anyone!  We dislike turnover and having to interview someone new as much as you dislike having to interview.  In both situations, however, there is the possibility of a great new relationship.

In a later post, I’ll list the questions my husband and I use during our interviewing process and the answers we’re looking for, or that are okay.  You may sign up here so that you don’t miss it.

One of the most common questions I get in my career development seminars is, “how do I ask questions, and what is okay to ask?”  Asking questions when you’re given permission to do so is a great way to show your interest in the job.  If you’re prompted for questions at the beginning of your interview, start with questions you tried to research about the company but could not find the answer to.  For example, “How long has this company been in business?”  “Whom do you consider to be your competition?”  “How strong is your market share?”  “How many employees currently work here?”  DO NOT start out with self-serving questions like, “How much does the position pay, is my insurance covered, how many weeks vacation do I get the first year, etc.”  Actually, you should not even ask these questions at the first interview, unless an offer is made.  If these items are not covered prior to an offer being made, it is okay to ask at that point, but not before.

The best questions to ask at the end of the interview, once you’ve been given permission, are:  “How soon do you expect to make a decision?”  “Are there many other applicants?”  “How important is previous experience in your hiring decision?”  “Does this position lead to others within the company?”   In other words, get an idea of where you stand without asking self-serving questions.  Often, you’ll get an honest viewpoint of where you stand compared to other applicants, without putting the interviewer on the defensive by asking inappropriate questions too soon.  Never assume you have the job until an offer has been made.  Then, and only then, is it okay to ask about salary and benefits. 

Lastly, it is very impressive to send a thank-you letter to your interviewer thanking him or her for their time and consideration.  However, it is NOT appropriate to call the office to inquire about your status, and certainly not to ask why you specifically didn’t get the job.  If there were a chance that you would be considered for a future position, and that might be what they’re thinking – maybe you’re not right for this position, but for something that’s coming up – you blow it by calling back and expressing your annoyance.  Even if you were promised to be notified either way, and you’ve found out it wasn’t you through another source, resist the temptation to pick up that phone, and don’t take it personally.  For all you know, they decided you were too good for them, and passed your resume on to a company that will utilize your talents, and pay you more money. 

Remember this, it’s about putting yourself out there, and showing up.  Make a perfect impression everywhere you go, and opportunities will abound.  I promise.

Posted under Motivation

We’ve all been there.  You’re trying to control your thoughts so can maintain a positive attitude and attract good things into your life.  Then, BAM!, something happens that sends your thoughts completely out of alignment with what you want and you start having those conversations with yourself that are not good.  Would you like a fast, easy way of getting back on track? Keep reading.

If you’ve ever had a conversation with a four-year-old, you know that the child is always in control of the conversation. 

If you’ve ever purchased anything with a high price tag, like a car or piece of furniture, you’ve also probably noticed that the salesperson is always in control of the conversation.

What we need to learn from the four-year-old and the professional sales person is how to control a conversation, with the intent here of controlling the conversations we have within our own mind.

Most of the time, we start conversations, including the ones with ourselves, with a statement.  To a four-year-old, you might say, “It’s time to eat.  Come inside and wash your hands.”  The four-year-old will respond with something like, “Why?”  So you come back with, “because dinner is ready.”  Four-year-old:  “But why do I have to wash my hands?”  Back and forth you go until someone gives up or gives in.

Let’s look at the buying a car situation.  You start with, “I need to buy a new car.”  The salesperson asks, “What kind of payments are you looking for?”  You might counter with, “I’m going to pay cash, so the payments are not an issue.”  The salesperson will respond with, “Well, then, what kind of price range are we looking at?”

Now, take a moment to go back and look at the comments of the four-year-old and the salesperson.  Do you notice a pattern here?  That’s right – they both use questions.  And if you’ve ever been in either scenario, you know that the four-year-old, or the salesperson, had control of that conversation.

How can we use this information to gain control of our internal dialogue?  Here’s what you need to do.

The next time you find yourself reacting to a situation in a way you don’t like, maybe you’re not acting out, you’re just having those negative conversations with yourself and you want to get control of them, start asking yourself questions.  Let me give you a few of my favorites, and then we’ll come back and look at some specific examples.

1. How can I get control of this situation?
2. How can I feel better about this?
3. How can I get my point across more clearly?
4. What could I do, right now, to calm myself down?
5. Who could help me with this?
6. If I could leave this situation right now and go anywhere in the world, where would I go?
7. Am I viewing this situation from the perspective of truth?  Or am I allowing the way the situation appears to control me?

A few weeks ago, I found myself completely out of my sleep medication.  I don’t use it on a regular basis, and I was going to try to get off of it completely.  I realized that there are just going to be certain times when I need help falling asleep and that’s why these medications exist.  So I called my doctor’s office to ask for a refill.  I called early in the day knowing that these things take time.  I was told that it would be “no problem,” but that they would call me if they encountered a problem.  At 4 PM, I went to my local pharmacy to pick up the prescription, but my doctor’s office had never called it in.  I came back home and attempted to call the office, but they were closed – and this was Friday.  I started to panic.  Then I became upset with myself for panicking.  My internal dialogue went something like this:

“This is your fault, Debra.  You should have called the pharmacy earlier in the day.  You should have known the doctor’s office would close early on a Friday.  You shouldn’t have waited until Friday to call.  You should not have waited until you were completely out before asking for a refill.”  And on, and on, and on.  For hours.

Finally, I decided I would just have to be okay with it.  I mean, there was really nothing more I could do.  I called my doctor at home and left a message, but I did not hear back from him until after the pharmacy had already closed.  So my internal dialogue turned to something like this: 

“I am okay with this.  I didn’t sleep last night, so surely, I will sleep tonight.  And if I don’t sleep, that’s okay, too.”

Then, I remembered something I’d heard or read recently that said when you have a goal, ask yourself “how?”  I laughed and thought, “Okay, Debra, how could you get your hands on some Ambien before 10PM tonight?”  Then I started to laugh out loud because I realized that this must be how drug addicts think!

But as I was laughing at myself and just enjoying the moment and truly “letting go,” I suddenly remembered that a couple of weeks before I had noticed in my pill case that I keep in my purse for travel, that there was half a pill left over from my last trip.  Amazing!  The moment I let go and asked a simple question of how to get what I wanted, the universe responded to me – immediately.

Question number seven from the list above is from Wallace Wattles’ The Science of Getting Rich, which I evaluated in detail a couple of weeks ago.  Wattles says that we can control our thoughts by focusing on truth.  In my situation with the sleep medication, the truth was that I was not out of Ambien, it just appeared that I was, and I let appearances get the best of me.

Focusing on the truth can be tough because outwardly, we don’t always know what the truth is.  But our higher self knows.  My internal consciousness knew what was in my travel case – the entire time that I was fuming mad at my doctor’s office.  My work, was to get control of that conversation, by asking the question.

Your Assignment

You don’t have to wait for an upsetting situation to try this technique.  Would you like to get control of your internal dialogue?  Start asking questions.  It really works!

Posted under Education, Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

“I hate you,” facetiously said the woman behind the counter. 

“Why?” asked Debra as she laughed.

“Because even in jeans you look dressed up!”

Have you ever had an experience like that?  Better yet – remember the last time you walked into a room and felt fantastic because you knew you looked fantastic and all eyes fell on you.  Do you remember what that felt like?  If you’ve never had a moment like that, well, that’s kind of sad, but we’re going to work on that right now (if you want.)  For everyone else, I want you to jot down what you were wearing.  It doesn’t matter if the situation was more formal or casual than usual, don’t over analyze on me here, just jot down what you had on – we’re going to come back to it later.

When I was growing up I had to look good – all the time.  Luckily, I had parents who supported my attitude.  My mother had only two rules for my clothing; no too-short shorts, and no jeans.  And “too short” was by her definition, of course, not mine.  By the time I got into college and started wearing jeans where my mother couldn’t catch me, I had already established a “dressed up” look for myself.  In fact, almost everything I wore came from one certain catalog, was a combination of business and dressy, and, of course, a little expensive compared to what the local stores had to offer. 

A couple of years ago my husband and I were out on one of our routine evening walks when I ran into a friend from high school.  She shook her head as she looked me up and down and I simply had to ask, “What?” 

“You’re the only person I know who gets dressed up to go walking!”

I thought I was dressed down, I mean, I was wearing tennis shoes.

Over the years, I’ve had many girlfriends and co-workers come to me wanting to know how I do it – always look perfectly dressed for the occasion.  In my career development workshop, I get to share all my tips and techniques, which is more fun than I can even begin to describe.  Today, I want to share my best time-proven theories with you.

First, I’d like to address the three most common objections I get when someone requests my help, and I start to give it.

“It takes a lot of money to look good.”  Remember that rule my mother had about “no jeans?” I eventually figured out why – they’re expensive!  While all my high school friends were spending $45 to $55 – in the 1980’s - to purchase designer jeans that they just had to have, I was spending $30 to $40 for nice dress pants that coordinated with a beautiful outfit or two.  The lesson to learn here is this: Once you develop your unique style, you will likely spend less on your wardrobe than you do now.  It takes a certain amount of money to buy clothes, period.  Looking good does not cost any more than looking, well, you get the drift.

“I can’t look as good as you because I’m not as thin.”    This isn’t about me. You want to look your best, in whatever body, shape and size included, you have now – right this minute – and you can.  You can develop a style that, although it might be patterned after a certain character on television or just someone you admire, is your style.  And you’re more than likely going to keep that style no matter how much you weigh, so you’re not wasting time.  There are certain qualities about clothing that some people just can’t wear because of certain features, and we’re going to talk about that.  I, for example, can’t wear certain styles of blouses because my shoulders are too broad.  Something that looks great on you might look horrible on me even though I’m thin.  Did you even think about it that way?

“Being fashionable means you have to wear all the latest runway looks and I just can’t get into all of that.”  Neither can I.  I love to watch the fashion shows – online.  I might choose one or two outfits that I later see a version of in a department store and try on.  If it looks good on me, I buy it, if it doesn’t, I don’t.  Mostly, I use the latest styles to judge what colors I’m going to focus on for this season.  But even then, when I wear something of a totally opposite color, I’ll get huge compliments, because it’s different from what everyone else is wearing.  In their book, What Would Jackie Do?: An Inspired Guide to Distinctive Living, Shelly Branch and Sue Callaway have this to say about donning a particular look:

“If you look like everyone else everywhere you go – paying special attention at airports – it’s over.” 

It’s not about creating a look, it’s about creating your look.  Are you ready to create a look that’s as special and unique as you are?  Let’s get started.

Whom do you admire?  Whose look would you like to re-create?  That’s always a good place to start.  Take time to notice someone who is successful in the same career or endeavor in which you would like to succeed.  How does he or she dress?  It can be someone on television even.  Finding someone to model is a good way to get your visualization juices flowing.  You might want to emulate someone in a different career field, but on a similar professional level.  People who are in the public eye a lot are good models to follow because they have expert advisors telling them constantly what does or does not look good on them.  So find someone you like, and start taking notes.  It helps if that person has the same body shape that you do, but it’s not necessary.  And besides, that can sometimes be hard to determine because she is covering up her flaws just as you want to cover yours!

Next, it’s all about balance.  That’s a powerful word these days isn’t it?  But here I’m talking about balancing out your shape.  Now, don’t get me wrong – this is not about making you look like a walking rectangle.  In fact, even when the “boxy” look is in, I don’t like it.  If you have a lot of rolls in your middle, wearing a boxy type shirt will help to hind those.  Otherwise, it’s okay to show your curves.  What you want to do is balance out your top and your bottom, showing (hopefully) a nip in your midsection.  For example, if you have large hips, you can balance out your silhouette by making sure your shoulders appear wide enough to balance them, and wearing trousers with a wider leg.

Another aspect of balance is comfort.  You will not perform at your best if your clothes are too tight, and you will not look professional if your clothes are too loose.  I find it fascinating how many women veer to these two extremes.  We wear clothes that are too small not realizing how bad they look because we believe we’ll get back into them comfortably once we loose a couple of pounds.  In the meantime, we’re making a bad impression.  Or we like to “be comfortable” at all costs, which makes us look sloppy and incapable.  Your clothing should fit your body, be comfortable, and look nice on you.

I find that a lot of professionals get frustrated with themselves when they have a day off, but just can’t relax.  Now, there are many possible reasons for this, but I often find that my friends are trying to “relax on the couch with a good book,” while wearing a very uncomfortable pair of jeans.  For these women I have two words, “stretch,” and “knit.”  Get your body comfortable and your brain will follow.  (Which is why I don’t like to be comfortable on the job!)

A third aspect to consider before we move on to creating a specific look, is fabric.  Does your job require that you travel frequently?  If so, you’ll want to invest in good quality matte jersey that doesn’t wrinkle.  Likewise, if you’re the type who doesn’t like to iron, you’ll want to build your wardrobe around fabrics that look great coming out of the dryer, or that can be dry-cleaned, assuming you can afford the extra expense.  Of course, you always have the option of paying someone to iron for you as well, but I think you get what I’m trying to say – look at the fabric and care label before you buy.  I, for instance, do not buy casual clothing that has to be dry-cleaned.  All of my professional clothing is “dry-clean only,” so for weekend wear, I must be able to wash it.  Create your own rules now regarding fabric.

Be open to the idea of having “ready-to-wear” altered.  Every professional woman should have a tailor.  There will be times when an item is “almost” perfect, and the only way to get it there, is to have it taken in.  I used to have the attitude that if it didn’t fit off the rack it wasn’t worth the trouble.  I have since changed my mind.  My favorite pieces now are ones that I fell in love with, and had altered to fit me perfectly.  If you purchase good quality, you can afford the tailoring expense because you know you’re going to wear the item for many years to come.  I even do this with casual clothing when appropriate, and I’ve never had buyer’s remorse.  The key is to purchase only what you love.

When it comes to body shape, well, that’s another blog post.  Actually, that’s a book!  I can’t get into a lot of detail about specific shapes, other than to give specific examples here and there, so I’m going to point you to my favorite book on the topic, The Pocket Stylist by Kendall Farr.  Ms. Farr does an excellent job of detailing the specifics of the six basic body types, outlining what to look for when you’re shopping and what to avoid.  You will love her book.

What were you wearing the last time you “owned the room?”  I remember my first interview out of college.  I had applied for an accounting position with a local government.  Wanting to make a definite impression and make sure the mayor remembered me when it came time to choose, I wore a red coatdress.  My hair and makeup were, of course, perfect.  When the mayor came out to meet me, his eyes lit up and his first word was, “Wow.”  I do not recall being asked any questions about my accounting skills, education, or background, but I did get the job, and negotiated a higher salary than what he was authorized to approve.  Looking good gives you power.  Remember that the next time you want to “be comfortable.”

The lesson here is to pick up on the qualities of that outfit.  My look that day was typical of my style, even though coatdresses are a bit out of style right now.  The dress had a v-neckline, and was long.  The overall look was monochromatic, with a cinched waistline via a coordinating belt that came with the dress.  I wore a simple gold chain necklace.  The fabric had a slight shimmer to it that I call “elegance that sparkles.”  Which interestingly, would be how I would describe my usual look, whether I’m wearing sweatpants, jeans, or a suit.  Hmmmmmm. Interesting connection there, isn’t it?

So what were the qualities of your outfit the last time you felt fantastic?  How many of the items currently in your closet have those same characteristics?  It should be about all of them.  You should love every item in your closet AND it should serve you in every way.  Go to your closet and pull out your favorite outfits.  Why don’t you own more outfits like these?  Yes, you can have a closet full of basically the same outfit – that’s called your personal style.  I have many variations of the same outfit, just in different colors and fabrics.  Here it is – are you ready?  My basic outfit is pants, jacket, and a shell. That’s it!   I accessorize lightly, very rarely wear a scarf, and have two pairs each of my favorite shoes.  People are always telling me, “You always look so well put-together.”  Yes, because I’ve made it simple, otherwise known as “elegant.” You can, too. 

When it comes to personal style, you can accessorize all, or as little, as you want.  Some women can pull off wearing lots of accessories; I’m just not one of them.  The point is, I know that about myself.  When I wear something I’m unsure of, it comes across in my attitude and I rarely get compliments.

Another thing I know about my personal taste, is that I like basics, with a little something extra thrown in.  For example, last summer I purchased what has become my favorite black suit.  For more formal occasions, I like to wear a skirted suit, but this particular skirt has pleating just around the bottom two inches or so.  It’s simple, elegant, and can be accessorized with a classic strand of pearls, or a more elaborate and colorful scarf.  The best part is, I can wear the jacket, because it’s a summer fabric, with a nice pair of white dress pants and save space when traveling.

This feels like a good time to talk about color.  Flip through any magazine or catalog and you will find models with nearly perfect figures head to toe in one color.  Kendall Farr calls it the “almighty unbroken line.”  A monochromatic or tone-on-tone look is good and what you will see on many “classic” women.  I use this look frequently myself, but it can get a little boring.  So the next best look, is jacket and bottom in the same color, with a coordinating blouse.  For a little variation, and a little more casual, I’ll wear the same color bottom and shell, with a coordinating jacket.  Last, and the most casual, is the coordinating jacket and bottom, with a black or white shell.

What’s my personal favorite?  Monochromatic, with a thin pinstripe in my pants, and my favorite strand of pearls that were given to me by my mother-in-law.  Some people say I wear too much black, but with my fair skin and strawberry-blond hair, it’s not overpowering.  For that matter, I think a black woman with her dark skin and hair looks great in all black as well.  The key for wearing all black, is in your smile, otherwise you might always look like you’re in mourning. 

After black, my favorite colors are clear, medium hues, like red, aqua, green, purple, blue, and teal.  I also like tan and gray for the basics.  For prints, I like the classics:  leopard, floral (but not too much), and pinstripe.  I never wear floral in business settings.  It doesn’t feel right to me.  But I love floral prints when I’m shopping, relaxing at home or, of course, gardening. 

Now, I’m not telling you this expecting you to start wearing these colors, the point, here again, is that I know these things about myself.  By noticing the colors and prints that you’re attracted to, you start to build a wardrobe around items that support you.  In other words, you start building your own personal style.  Starting to get the picture?  Buy only things you love, eliminate anything in your closet you don’t, take it one item, one outfit at a time, and your personal style will come together.

It’s okay to have a work look and a casual look, as long as when you go out in public, you present yourself well.  Don’t make excuses here.  The higher up the ladder you want to go, the more important looking good becomes.  If you desire a position that would result in your representing the company, you must be prepared to represent that company at all times.  In the meantime, you never know who you’re going to run into at the grocery store or in an airport who could propel your career forward, but you’ve got to “look” the part.

It is imperative that you go through your closet and eliminate any item that no longer serves your desired look.  As a professional, you deserve to have clothes that support you in your career and make you feel good about yourself.  Casually, you deserve to have clothes that support you in just feeling good.  When you have a closet full of great clothes, you don’t have to wear anything less than perfect ever again.  How many times have you worn something you didn’t like because you were saving that special outfit for a certain event next week?  If you find yourself in that situation frequently, it’s time to buy some new clothes – but only after you’ve determined your look!

One last point.  I know this is hard to do, but when an item no longer feels good, or fits well, it’s time to pass it on, or throw it away.  This if hard for me because I only buy clothes I love, so when the item has performed its last show, I’m always sad.  But I know that I have to let it go or I won’t love it much longer.

Your Assignment

Go through your closet and toss out any items you no longer like.  Then create a shopping list of items you need.  Purchase these items, one at a time if necessary, making sure that each one makes you feel good.  Have fun!

Posted under Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

I’ve been feeling a little draggy this week.  I don’t know if it’s the weather, daylight savings time, coming off a retreat weekend, or something else, but I’ve had trouble getting into my usual groove.

It’s not that I’m not motivated. I have lots to do that I am excited about and I have been working.  I have a breakthrough goal for the end of this month that truly energizes me.  And it’s not that I’m down or depressed, I feel quite wonderful, as usual.  I know that I am in complete control of my days, every minute, and that I am the co-creator of my life.  It’s just, well, I think I’m too relaxed!  Is that possible?

At the retreat, my eyes opened to a whole new level of thinking.  Christine brought her favorite books to share with us and I ended up spending a lot of time with Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life.  At the end of this book, Louise lists physical ailments and some affirmations you can use to support your existence and eliminate those physical issues.  Amazingly (to me), every physical condition in my body came back to the same recurring theme of affirmations for me – “All is Well.” 

Hmmmmm.  I know that.  I mean, ultimately, I think I know that.  We live in light and well-being; God is all around us.  Of course all is well.  But there was another recurring affirmation that I had some discomfort with – “I trust the process of life.”  For some reason, that statement generates anxiety in me.  Why?

Ready for some irony?  One of my intentions that I had set for the retreat, (because I believe you always get out of something what you put into – or the intentions you set forth), was to learn how to become more easy and relaxed.  Well, hello!  I got plenty of that!  You see, I normally have to put forth effort to go about my day in an easy and relaxed manner.  And I do it – all the time – even though that might seem like the ultimate oxymoron to many of you.  I take control of my mind and body anytime I start to feel tense or begin to get too upset over a situation.  It was my feeling, prior to this week, that if those feelings of ease and relaxation could come more naturally to me, I would be “ahead of the game” sort to speak.

Well, I’ve decided I don’t like it.  I like having a little fire under me – it makes me feel alive.  I have concluded, after much reflection, that the reason the statement, “I trust the process of life,” doesn’t sit well with me is because it implies a sort of “letting go” that I’m just not comfortable with at this point in my life.  It implies, to me at least, that there’s a possibility that I may not get everything accomplished I’m supposed to before my time here is up.  I don’t like that feeling, but I am going to work on it.  Being more trusting of the universe is on my vision board, and I’ll keep you informed.

The good news is, just writing about this and making this “confession” makes me feel better.  It feels good to take back control.  Whew!  Lots to do – and I’m thankful for all of it.

My life is my work; my work is my life.  I love my life.  I am the luckiest person alive!

Posted under Inspiration, Motivation

I’ve written a lot on this blog about organizing your stuff – Clutter Around You Creates Clutter in Your Brain – and I firmly believe that.  But I have a new idea to present to you today.  While you can organize all your belongings, your task list, and even your priorities and values, you can still be leading a very disorganized life.  If you’ve organized every area of your space you can think of, but still feel like your life is a mess, this article is for you.

As I mentioned in Monday’s post, I spent this past weekend at the Christine Kane retreat.  My main purpose for attending was to have time to create a vision board.  I had read Christine’s post on How to Make a Vision Board, and felt confident that I could do it, but it was more inviting to go to a retreat and make a vision board. 

As I began the session, an “inspired thought” came to me that said I should organize my vision board according to the “Be, do, have,” principle.  In other words, in order to have what I want, I need to do certain things, which require that I be a certain way. 

When I organized the images that I had ripped out of magazines into three columns on the poster board, my life suddenly felt organized in a way I had never experienced before.  Everything came together for me visually.  I have a difficult time visualizing, so I knew that creating a vision board would help me, but I did not expect a life altering experience.  Even with all the good vibes out there about vision boards, I still just thought it would be something just “cool” to do.

On the left side of my board, I have images relating to the fact that I need to be more trusting of the universe.  I need to be who I truly am, and trust that the universe will take care of me.  I came to this realization through some pre-work both at the retreat, and on my own before driving down.  (I’ll be sharing that pre-work with you in a later post.  You can sign up here if you don’t want to miss it.)  I have an image of a rock-climber, about halfway up a cliff that is sticking out over the ocean.  Now, I do not intend to become a rock climber.  That image is symbolizing my putting myself out there, trusting the universe to protect me, keep me safe, and help me make it to the top.

I also have an image of a woman sitting in her “shoe closet,” with all of her shoes neatly organized in clear boxes.  The caption reads, “Life’s Little Pleasures, Organized.”  This represents two true areas of my life – I am organized, and I LOVE shoes – while also representing abundance.  (There are lots of shoes in the photo!)

Of course, you don’t have to use only images on your vision board, words and phrases work nicely too.  For example, I have a clipping that reads, “Live Freely, Live Fully, Live Fabulously.”  This represents how I choose to live my life.  Then beneath that, I have another clipping that reads, “Share the Joy.”  I know that I am to be a teacher, to teach others how to live freely, fully, and fabulously.  I must be this person, and allow her to come forth, even more, ever greater.

In the middle of my board, the “do” section, I have a photo of myself, and pictures that reflect my doing things related to writing, speaking, and consulting.  The only truly interesting image in this section is of Rudolph Giuliani with the caption “He’s a fan,” which represents that I need to develop relationships with powerful people.

Finally, in the “have” section of my vision board, I’ve placed an image of my dream home, along with photos of the inside of the house.  I have photos representing places I’d like to visit, and a cruise ship.  I also have a little bling just for the fun of it.

If you’ve been reading my blog for very long, you know that I’m a thinker.  (This is what keeps me awake at night!)  So I’ve come up with another good way of creating a vision board that would work well in organizing your life.  I will probably create this type of board next.  I will start with one large piece of poster board, on it, place five smaller pieces.  These five smaller pieces will represent the five life areas:

1. Financial
2. Relational
3. Intellectual
4. Physical
5. Spiritual

I will place the area that I want to work on most in the center - for me, that’s spiritual – and then place the others around it.  I will also use various shapes, a triangle, a couple of circles, and two rectangles, or squares.  Varied colors would look good as well.

Another idea for this process that I really like is placing these images in an artist’s drawing pages book or binder.  You know, there are some things that you just don’t want displayed for people to see when they come into your home.  I think this is also a good way to keep track of goals.  I already have a goals journal; why not include images?  It just makes the attraction stronger.

In Ask and It Is Given, Esther Hicks points us to a process where we place these types of images and clippings in a “Magical Creation Box.”  I’ve tried that, and I know we only have to ask the universe once for anything, but unless you sit down and go through the box on a regular basis, you forget what’s in there.  It has been much more fun to see the vision board several times a day, and as I recall, we’re supposed to have fun with this, as with all things in life.

So what are you waiting for?  A retreat?  Okay, I’m working on that.

Your Assignment

Concentrate for a few minutes on an area of your life you’d like to organize.  It can be your life as a whole, or just one particular area.  Then, go through whatever magazines you have around the house and tear out images that help you visualize what this area would look like if your fondest dreams came true.  Your subconscious will go to work on how to make it happen.  Remember to listen to those inspired thoughts when they come to you.

Posted under Education, Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

Taking time off just to think and clarify your vision is a beautiful thing.  I just got back from the Christine Kane retreat and I feel more energetically calm than I ever have before.  I love calm energy.

I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but calm energy is an ideal for which I have been striving for over a year now.  Some days I have it, some days, well . . . I think you know the rest of that phrase!

As a highly driven person, I can get miles ahead of myself in terms of energy.  When I want something, I want it now.  When an event is coming up, I get excited – too excited.  Being married to another highly driven individual doesn’t help my disposition, either.

You would think that a person like me would thrive on high energy, always in motion, task-orientation, but with maturity, I’ve learned that calm energy is much better.  Here’s why.

High energy is necessary for athletes during competition.  There’s a level of adrenaline that is necessary for performing at peak performance.  However, I don’t know of an athlete who competes every day, 365 days a year.  Do you?  Well, I know a lot of corporate types, and entrepreneurs, who do.  They’re like me – or like I used to be – always running a race.  We make the excuse that we’re driven to achieve our goals, that we’re the movers and shakers in society, and that it’s up to us to get things done because there are too many lazy people in the work force.  And while all of that might be true, (!) this type of thinking and action-orientation tends to cause stress, high blood pressure, and heart attacks, among other problems.

Instead, calm energy leads to the same goal-related accomplishments, but without the stress and its outcomes.  I will always be driven to achieve my goals and get more done.  These are attitudes I value.  But I prefer days where I go about it in an easy and relaxed manner.  I actually ENJOY my days – my regular work days.

For quite a while now, I’ve been starting my day by journaling.  I keep a gratitude journal, a goals journal, a daily writing journal, too many journals to list here, what can I say, I’m a 3, but every day, for the past 19 months, I have started my daily journal with, “I am the luckiest person alive.  I love my life!”  It feels good to have passion about my work and my life.  The two are intricately intertwined for me – again, a “3” trait.  (Obviously, we spent time at the retreat learning about the Enneagram.)

But having passion and enthusiasm for life and making a good living are not reasons to work 20-hour days.  I have had days when I was so excited about my work, I didn’t want to sleep.  I can remember writing in one of my journals that “sleep is for losers!”  But that level of excitement will quickly burn you out.

Calm energy, on the other hand, allows for all that excitement, and JOY.  You go about your day in an easy, relaxed manner, knowing that everything is going to get done, and tomorrow is another day on your journey.  It takes the pressure off.  It’s still exciting, and I actually find that I accomplish MORE on these days, than when I’m running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.  (A lady at the retreat had chickens.  Not at the retreat – at her home – a farm.  Ok – moving on.)

So how does one go about getting this calm energy?  Here are my tips.

1. Segment intending.  Start the day by intending to maintain calm energy throughout all activities.  Say to yourself, “I work in an easy and relaxed manner to accomplish my goals.  I get everything done in its proper timing.”
2. Meditation.  I’ve grown to love practicing One Hour of Solitude any time a feel overwhelmed.  I come out of that hour so much clearer, and definitely energized.  I know it’s hard for people with my personality type to consider the prospect of sitting for an hour and doing nothing, but make yourself do it.  Just trust me on this one and make it one of your accomplishments for the day – you’ll be glad you did.
3. Organize and Prioritize.  Make a list of everything you have to do, then prioritize it by level of importance AND what must be done today.  Remember to add value to your day by doing at least one thing just for you.  Whether it’s pampering you need, time for reflection, or doing just one thing that will get you closer to your ultimate goal, make time for whatever would make your day worthwhile.
4. Create a timeline.  This is VERY helpful to me.  Because I often expect too much from myself, creating a timeline, or schedule, of when things will get accomplished helps me realize I’m doing too much.  I then go back and re-prioritize my list.  What REALLY has to be done today?  What should I really do toward my ultimate goal?  What would make me feel good about the day?  Once these questions are answered, I can then set about my work happily, and calmly. 

At the end of a day like this, I’ve accomplished just as much on my to-do list as any other, but I’ve enjoyed the process.  And that actually makes me feel more successful.  We are here to experience joy and well-being.  That is our purpose.  To creatively serve others in our quest for the fulfillment of our desires, in an easy and relaxed manner, for the highest good of all – aaahhh, what a retreat!

Posted under Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

As promised, here is more of my response to the e-mail sent in by a reader last week.  I am picking up where I left off.  Here is the portion of the e-mail I will be addressing today.

I have been working very hard on the principles of The Science of Getting Rich, positive thinking, the law of attraction, etc. but my subconscious mind is acting as a very strong opposing force that reminds me and enforces the “truth” of my current situation now - the reality of where I am and the wide chasm of where I want to be (my ideal - as a father, husband, businessman, etc). By constantly focusing and concentrating on a huge vision which encompasses my desires, dreams, goals & ideals am I not just setting myself up for more negative feelings if my expectations are not met? Am I getting caught up in a vicious cycle of failure and disappointment because I am not manifesting what I want as quickly as I want it?

“I have been working very hard” 

Have you even noticed that when you work really hard for something, it takes forever to materialize?  Sometimes you just work and work and work, and get nowhere.  When you finally let it go, an inspiration comes to you and you finish the project with ease.  I’ve had that happen to me so many times I’ve lost count.  The universe does not force things upon us, and we cannot force things upon the universe. It’s like saying, “Make me believe in you, God.”   We have to ask, and believe with our own free will.  But if we ask, and we put ourselves in alignment with it, it is given.  I promise you this.  When you’re working hard, you’re saying, “Okay, God.  I want this and this and this and this, oh, but I don’t want You to do anything.  I’m going to do this on my own.  I’m going to work hard and do all this myself.  I don’t need You.  I just wanted you to know that I want this.”  So, the universe says, “Ok.  Go ahead.”  You work and work, getting nowhere.  Finally, you give up.  You say, ‘Ok, God.  If you want me to have this, it’s up to You.  I’ve tried everything I can think of, and I quit.”  Then God says, “Did you try this?”  You do it, it works, and you think, “Why didn’t I do that six months ago?”

“but my subconscious mind is acting as a very strong opposing force that reminds me and enforces the “truth” of my current situation now”  

The harder you work at trying to make all of this happen, the stronger will be your opposition.  Take control of your subconscious mind through your conscious mind.  TRUST, believe, and accept that everything you desire is on its way to you.  RELAX with it.  How?  Remember the last time you were pushing for a deadline.  You worked hard and pushed through, maybe pulled some all-nighters, but you made it.  How did you FEEL afterward?  Relieved?  Remember that feeling.  Really remember it.  Conjure it up.  Let your muscles relax and enjoy that feeling of success for a few seconds.  Now, with that same feeling, know that everything is coming, just as you want it. Feel that, and hold on to that feeling as much as you can, as often as you can, anytime you think about what you want.

“the reality of where I am and the wide chasm of where I want to be (my ideal - as a father, husband, businessman, etc).” 

I love the phrase “wide chasm.”  I just think that is such an eloquent way to describe our longings.  It is often a wide chasm from where we are to where we want to be, and that’s fantastic!  But you know what?  When you do get there, you’re still going to want more.  There will always be a wide chasm, and that’s great too!  It is our nature to want to be better, have more, and do more.  And you always will until the day you die.  And the universe can deliver.  And the universe will deliver every time you make yourself ready to receive, and hold the belief that you can have, be, and do more.

But here’s the thing.  We cross that wide chasm one day at a time.  Each and every day you must put yourself in alignment with what you want.  If you hold that faith each day, then each day will become a day of passage toward your ultimate goal.  If you were going to cross the Grand Canyon, would you start out and expect to be on the other side in one minute?  Or would you take it one step at a time? 

“By constantly focusing and concentrating on a huge vision which encompasses my desires, dreams, goals & ideals am I not just setting myself up for more negative feelings if my expectations are not met?”

How do you know when your expectations have not been met?  How do you know that they’re not on their way to you?  If you arrived at the bottom of the canyon in one day, looked up and saw that you were not on the other side, what would you do?  Turn around and go back to where you started?  Or would you set up camp, get some rest, and start on your journey again, the next day?  I’ve been at the bottom of the canyon many times, but until a couple of years ago, I kept turning around and going back to where I started out of frustration of not getting to the other side as soon as I thought I should.  Are you doing the same?  If so, it’s time to take the first step toward the other side of the canyon.

“Am I getting caught up in a vicious cycle of failure and disappointment”

ONLY if that is what you choose.  I strongly recommend that you get caught up in a vicious cycle of success and joy.  But, hey, it’s your life.  You get to create it any way you want it.

“I am not manifesting what I want as quickly as I want it?” 

Manifestations come about only after two things have taken place.  First, you have to decide, in detail what you want, and tell the universe what it is – exactly.  Wattles says that you can’t tell the universe what you want until you know exactly what that is for yourself.  So write it out with every detail.  Second, you must believe and have faith that your desire is being met.  We only have to ask the universe once for anything.  In fact, if you keep asking, you’re not in full belief that it’s being delivered and therefore, it isn’t.  What You can do is clarify to the universe how you want it each and every day.  The only thing is, every time you change your mind, it’s going to take a little longer for it to materialize.  This dilemma often trips people up, so let me give you an example.

Imagine that you call your local car dealership ready to buy a new car.  But you don’t want one off the lot, you want special features.  So the dealership places the order for you and the factory starts building your car.  After a couple of days, you get to thinking about it and decide that instead of a tan interior, you’d rather have gray.  Now, your car was just coming off the line, but now you say you don’t want it, you want something else instead.  So they start over on your request.  A couple of days later, you change your mind about the exterior color, and the same process happens again.  Get the drift?  I’m not saying don’t change your mind about anything.  You can change your mind as often as you want – and you should – in order to get exactly what you want, just realize that until you truly want it and are ready to receive it, it is not going to manifest.

And saying things like, “Well, I’m really not that picky, I’ll take any new car the universe is willing to give me,” doesn’t work either.  This is your creation.  The universe, as I said before, doesn’t force anything on us.  You have to want it, and expect it.

Remember the process:

1. Control Your Thoughts; Focus on Truth
2. Be Grateful
3. Find Your Purpose
4. Set Clear, Definite Goals
5. Receive Through Inspired Action
6. Maintain Faith
7. Be An Example Of Excellence To Others

Posted under Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation