Debra Moorhead . com

How I Lost 25 Pounds in One Month is the most popular post on this website. Over 250 of you have e-mailed me to say that the diet is working for you and your family members, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

Also, some of you have made comments or e-mailed me with questions and at this point, I am starting to get the same questions again and again, so I thought this would be a good time to update the post.

The most common question I receive is about the caloric need calculators, which are not the same today as 10+ years ago.  Most of you were expressing your concern over the number of calories they calculated for you under my plan compared to what I remember eating way back then.  So I went back online to try to find a calculator that would give me 1425 calories for a 5’6” female wanting to weigh 123 pounds.  Guess what – I didn’t find one.  All of the calculators returned a number of around 1630 for me now, at age 38.  When I input an age of 27, the result came back at 1688, still a lot more than 1425.

Obviously, if that had been the number I was given back then, my results would have been different.  Why are the calculators different now?  I don’t know.  But here is what I want you to do.

Most of us have a basal metabolic rate of somewhere between 1200 and 1300 calories per day.  That means, that if you did nothing but lie in bed all day, you would expend at least that many calories.  The taller you are, the higher that number, so if you’re 5 feet or below, use 1200, if you’re 6 feet or above, use 1300.  At 5’6” I would use 1250.

Take the number that the calculator below gives you, add your basal metabolic rate, (1200-1300, depending on your height), and then divide that number by 2.  For example, this calculator tells me I should consume 1630 calories to maintain a weight of 123.  1630 + 1250 = 2880. 2880 divided by 2 equals 1440.  So I would start my diet by consuming only 1440 calories per day.

What I have shared with those of you who wrote me about this, is that after that initial 4-week period, my weight started to go below 123.  Once I hit 118, I began consuming more calories.  I’m just guessing here, but I’d say I leveled out at around 1600 or a dab more, which is in line with what the calculators today are telling us.  I’m betting that they are more accurate today than the one I used over 10 years ago.  That would make sense.  But if you’re not getting the fast results you want, cut 200 calories per day and you will get there faster.  Just don’t go below 1200.

Something else I did not go into in the last article is the fact that there are 3500 calories in a pound.  There are a lot of websites out there who tell you that if you want to lose one pound per week, you need to cut back 500 calories per day.  Keep in mind that that is from your current caloric intake.  So, unless you know what that is, that number is completely useless.

What some of you did, was a double-whammy, where you took the number of calories for your ideal weight, then subtracted 500 from that, which left you way below 1200.  No. No. No. No. And No.  Remember, if you want to weigh 123, all you have to do is eat like a 123-pound person, and you will eventually become a 123-pound person.  Don’t make it harder than what it is.

On the flip side, here’s what some of you have done.  When you use the calculator, you input that you are a moderately active person.  Doing that will automatically allow you more calories per day than someone who inputs sedentary.  But then, you decide you’re going to keep up your work out.  I’ve told you I’m okay with that, (not that you need my permission), as long as it doesn’t “mess you up” in other ways like I talked about in the previous article.  But here is what you do next – you take the number of calories the machine at the gym says you’ve burned during your work out, and you add that to the number of calories the calculator gave you, forgetting that you’ve already allowed for those extra calories in your original calculation by saying that you’re moderately active.  So if you want to use the numbers on the machine, tell the calculator you’re sedentary.  Or forget the numbers on the machine, and stick with the number from the calculator.  Any extra calories you burn at the gym will help you reach your goal faster.  But only if you refrain from eating calories to make up for the ones you burn.

Losing weight is an exact science, but when you throw in too many variables, it becomes complicated.  That’s why I like to keep it simple and not exercise in the very beginning.  That’s also why I limited my diet, for those first three weeks, to only microwave meals and fast food.  This leads me into my next topic.

I know that a lot of you out there who will be reading this are teenagers, more specifically, teenage females.  And while my diet plan makes sense to you, your parents get a little suspicious of anything on the internet.  They get especially suspicious when you start talking about buying microwave dinners to live on for a month and buying a book that only talks about fast food.  You know what; they have every right to be suspicious because they are your parents.  They are responsible for your well-being and they take that responsibility seriously.  Be thankful that you have parents who care enough about you and your well-being to question what you do.  Here’s what you can do.

One reader printed out my article and took it to her mother to read.  Once she did, she understood it and actually helped her daughter with the system.  She has lost 27 pounds, and her mother is starting to use the system as well.

If you have a parent who won’t let you buy microwave meals because of the chemicals that are in them, you will have to purchase a set of food scales and a book that gives you calorie counts for raw foods.  You can still follow the system, you’ll just have a little more work to do.  But you can do it.

If you are anorexic/bulimic, you can use this system to retrain your body back into a healthy way of eating in conjunction with your psychotherapy treatment.  One reader says is helped her keep a sense of control – counting the calories and keeping a spreadsheet.  I can see how that would help because in this system, you eat exactly what your body needs, and not one calorie more. So there’s no need to worry about gaining unwanted weight.  It is very much about control, but it’s easy.

Most importantly, this is not about doing anything unhealthy.  I want you to follow your intuition and do what feels good to you.  If you think the caloric needs calculator is giving you too high a number, take a couple hundred off – just don’t drop below 1200.  If you don’t like fast food or microwave meals, find what you do like that can keep the calorie count of.  If you’ve developed a habit of exercising and don’t want to quit – don’t.  Take those extra calories into consideration and enjoy them!  This plan is rigid only in the number of calories you consume.  How you arrive at your number is completely up to you.  To weigh 123, you must think, eat, and act like you weigh 123.

Our natural state is well-being.  All is well.  I encourage you to look at the reasons you overeat.  For me, it was just plain ignorance.  That was it.  If that’s what it is for you, because I believe that’s what it is for a lot of people, it’s okay.  The good news is, once you find out you’re ignorant of something, anything, you’ve already become more enlightened.  Can you see that?  You don’t know what you don’t know.  Once you become aware of a subject, you can start to learn about it, and come to know it.  I overate because I did not remember that eating more calories than I needed would cause my body to store fat.  I ate because something tasted good and I didn’t want to “waste” anything.  Once that thinking changed, so did my eating habits, and so did my life. 

Please continue to e-mail me with questions and/or concerns; I’m happy to assist you in any way I can.  I will update the post again if necessary, you can register here so you don’t miss it.

Related Articles:

How I Lost 25 Pounds in One Month

Look Your Best Every Day

How to Create Your “Look”

My Simply Successful Secrets

Ideal Weight Calculator

Caloric Needs Calculator

You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET THE BOOK   If you’d like to read all my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams, and am helping others do the same, you’ll want your own copy of Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Self-Empowerment Guide.  It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”  Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and it’s only $19.95.

In my career development seminars, I cover a 100-point interview checklist, complete with interview questions.  One of these days, that’s going to turn into an E-book!  In the meantime, I want to share with you the 10 most common questions that my students tell me they are always asked, and how to answer them appropriately.  I’ll also share where, as an experienced interviewer, I see people mess up. 

What I’m going to do is give you the question, explain what most employers are looking for, then tell you how to properly answer it.  Sound like fun?  It will be.  Let’s go!

1. Tell me a little bit about yourself.  Employers/interviewers are hoping that you will open up and tell them things they cannot legally ask.  That’s why they often start with it – it may save them some time by not having to ask you as many questions. So this is your chance to let them know you’re a smart person by being open and honest about who you are. 

What I like to hear is something like, “I’m happily married with two beautiful children who are 6 and 10.  We’ve lived in Flemingsburg for 3 years now and love it.  My husband works for a local company and hopes to get a promotion soon.”  It’s okay to say something about your religious preference here, if that applies.  If you’re an “older” worker and you think your age might be an issue, here’s your chance to state it and give the benefits of it.  Like, “I went back to school at the age of 47 when my company closed down.  I’ve learned so much in the past couple of years!  I think that being older helped me to stay focused on my studies and get better grades than I would have when I was younger.  I know (this subject) inside and out.”  If applicable, you can even compare your latest school experience with your educational performance at a younger age.

It’s also good to include something, in brief, about your work history.  Where are you on your career path?  Why are you applying here?  How did you lose your last job or why are you looking?  Things like that.  Don’t prepare a report, you’ll get into the details later in the interview.  A synopsis like, “I worked here, and then there.  That company went out of business, so I went back to school and am now looking for a position that will challenge me.”

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to open up.  Personally, I’m more frightened in an interview by someone who’s vague.  I was interviewing a person once for my husband’s dental office and his response to this question was, “I don’t know what to say.  I’m a good person, I pay my taxes, I’m just like everybody else.”  That was the first “red flag” sort to speak and I did not hire him.

2. Tell me why you’re interested in working for me.  Employers have egos.  Did you know that?  They want to be wanted.  They want to know that you’re truly interested in this business and possibly this particular establishment.  If the job comes down to two people, and one had a definite interest in working here and the other did not, who would you give the position to?

The best answer I’ve ever heard, was, “Well, I’ve decided I want a career in dentistry, and I’ve heard you’re the best.  If you don’t hire me, I’ll apply at other dental offices, but I’d prefer to work here.”  Do I need to tell you that this woman works for my husband to this day?

3. What have you done in the past year to improve your knowledge?  Continuing education is required in many fields today and employers want to hire people that will readily improve their skills and knowledge.  So be prepared for this one.  It can be as simple as purchasing and reading books on your own time to improve your skills on your current job, or to prepare for the one in which you are interviewing. 

4. Why are you considering leaving or why did you leave your current/last job?  Interviewers are listening for reliability and job fit for the position for which you are applying.  Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a problem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad.  Talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward-looking reasons.  And don’t say anything that doesn’t add up like, “The drive was too long,” when your drive to this job would be just as long or longer.  We’ll catch things like that.

5. How would you describe yourself as an employee?  What are your strengths?  What things do you think you might need to improve?  What employers are listening for here is information about your work ethic, and your willingness to serve others.  Do you work hard, smart, or both?  It’s okay if you don’t consider yourself to be a “hard worker,” you’ll just want to phrase that fact carefully.  For example, “I’m a thinker.  When a crisis arises, I’m not necessarily the first to take action.  I have a need to examine all the possible solutions before making a decision.  The strength in that, is that I don’t overreact, or act too soon.  I could probably improve on my ability to make decisions quickly.”

Now, on the flip side, if you’re the type who likes to be told what to do and when to do it, without having to think much, you would say this.  “I’m a hard worker.  I will jump in and help anyone with anything.  Tell me what to do and I will do it.  My strengths are that I am dependable, and will see a job through to its completion.  I could probably improve on my ability to take charge and make my own decisions.”

Please, never, ever, say, “I am perfect in every way and have no weaknesses.  You and your employees will feel honored to work with me.”  Likewise, don’t say, “I don’t know.”

6. What sort of people do you prefer to associate with as personal friends?  What type of people do you like least?  Why?  Employers are listening for openness and lack of prejudice with this question.  Your answer will also give them a clue into your personality.  It is best to concentrate on people you do like, and do not even bring up any type you do not like.  A good answer is, “Mostly, I hang out with people from my [name a group], but I think it takes all types of people to make the world go ‘round.”

7. If I wanted to tell your coworkers what they should know about you in order to work well with you, what would you tell them?  What the interviewer would like to ask is, “Are you easy to get along with?”  However, everyone knows that there is no way you would get an honest answer.  Not because people are dishonest, but because it’s such a subjective question.  We all think we’re easy to get along with, but we also know we have our “ticks.”  Your answer to this question will make or break your interview.

If your response starts out with, “Tell them they should,” or “Tell them I am looking for,” or anything that lists your requirements of others, you’re sunk.  Approaching the question from this direction highlights the fact that you expect others to live by your rules.  It means you’re judgmental, probably a drama queen, and definitely difficult to get a long with.

Your response should start with, “That I am . . .”  For example, “Tell them that I am sometimes shy around new people at first, but once I get to know them I will open up.  In previous jobs, people thought I was a snob, when I was really just shy.  But once I was on the job for a while and we all got to know each other, everything was fine.”

My favorite answer from an applicant was, “Tell them that I am the type of person who would do absolutely anything to help them, in any way I can.  I love everybody and want everybody to love me.”  She was hired.

8. Tell me about your future.  Where do you see yourself in 3-5 years?  Mostly, your interviewer wants to know if you’ve thought this far ahead.  Are you a planner, in other words?  Also, they are probably wanting to know if you plan to still be in the geographical area.  Most employers are looking for people who will stay long term.  Training employees is very expensive, and it often takes months or years to get an employee fully trained.  Small businesses cannot afford to hire someone only to have them quit about the time they are trained.  The best thing you can do is answer this question honestly.  Sometimes, employers are looking for a temporary sub and if your skills are in check, you might be just what they are looking for.

9. Out of ten of your closest friends, how many of them would say you’re totally honest?  This is not a trick question!  The answer is all 10!  At least, I hope that’s true for you.  If you say a number anything less than 10, the interviewer will ask the follow-up question, “Tell me about these (number) people.  Why would they say you’re not?”  What are you going to say then?  Okay, it’s time for my all-time dumbest responses during an interview list.  Here’s what I’ve heard in response to this question:

• Well, two of my closest friends don’t really like me.
• No one is totally honest . . . are you?
• I’ve lied before, in fact, I do it all the time.
• My friends know me really well, but I’m not that way on the job.
• Honestly, I have honesty issues.
• My parents taught me you’re not supposed to be honest all the time.

Yes, I’m not kidding, I’ve heard these answers during interviews.  Look, we’re not trying to trip you up.  We’re not going to come back and say, “Aha!  You said you’re totally honest but no one is totally honest all the time.  You mean you’ve never told someone they look nice when you really didn’t think they did?”  That is not going to happen.  What the question is really trying to get at is this: Are you trying to be an honest person in your dealings with others?  When it comes to what really matters, are you honest?  The thing that gets me, is that people who aren’t honest, have no problem with this question.  (Chew on that one for a minute!)  But rest assured, that as a trained interviewer, if you lie on this one, I will find the truth in your answer to another question.  So all the rest of you can relax. 

10. What words do other people use to describe you?  The employer wants to know that you care about the impression you make with other people.  So don’t say, “I don’t know, you’d have to ask them.”  (Yes, I got that answer once.)  The best thing you can do, is prepare a quote or two from actual co-workers. “Susan Smith, one of my co-workers at ABC Company, always said I was one of the hardest workers she had ever known.”  Otherwise, just say, “My friends say I’m organized, loyal, and hard-working.”

Your Assignment

How prepared were you for the above questions?  Go back and write out your answers to each, using the guidelines I’ve given you.  Once you’ve conquered those, try these at CollegeGrad.com.  The more you think about these types of questions the more confident you will be in your next interview.  And when you start getting offer after offer after offer, you’ll be very glad you took the time to formulate your perfect answers.

I’ve been tagged again.  This time by Karen at Live The Power.  As before, I am honored.  The original idea for this post came from Aaron Potts at Todayisthatday.com.  While I no longer have time to participate in every tag that comes my way, this one is very worthwhile.  Aaron’s idea came from the concept of copying genius.  I have spent my entire life living this paradigm, so here goes. 

Following are my top 10 success habits, with links to posts on topics I’ve written about before for much more detail.

1. I keep a special journal where I write my ultimate goal every day.  I’ve been doing this for almost two years now and it keeps me focused on my main objective and helps me eliminate time wasters.  It also motivates me.  This is the first thing I do every morning. 
2. I also have a goals journal in which I have every goal listed at the top of a page, with action steps listed below it.  This is the second thing I do each morning.  I review each page, check off anything I’ve completed, and add to the steps as I receive divine guidance.  Writing my ultimate goal puts me in a trance-like state so that when I move on to all the individual goals, I’m often inspired by my guardian angels, my future self, or divine providence.  Having this as a daily ritual helps me get into that state a lot quicker.  The ideas just come, or I get a better sense of what to concentrate on today.
3. I still do weekly planning as taught by the FranklinCovey approach that I learned so many years ago.  Each Saturday or Sunday, depending on my schedule, after reviewing all of my goals, I look at the week ahead and decide what to work on and when.  Doing this helps me realize if a deadline is set too soon, but also keeps me on track and motivated.  I’m one of those people who takes it to infinity – I even plan our meals during this session.  Knowing what I’m going to cook ahead of time allows me to better plan grocery trips and know when to thaw what.  Of course, I allow a sudden inspiration to change things, but overall, my subconscious knows what I want to accomplish in a given week and how much time should be spent.  I will often change things around and tweak things here and there, but I will never give up my weekly planning.
4. I use Microsoft Outlook to keep my to-do list and recurring tasks organized.  I plan my week using a traditional paper planner, but my daily reminders are stored in Outlook.  I’ve been using this system for more than 8 years and would be lost without it.
5. Each day, I take time to appreciate where I am right now.  A couple of weeks ago I had a task come up in Outlook that I had set one year ago.  It was to remind me to go back in my journal one year, (my regular daily journal), and read the entry to compare where I was today.  It was amazing!  I have learned so much and my business has come so far in one year.  I had no idea one year ago that I would be blogging, or that I would be successful at it.  All I had was my mission statement, my ultimate goal, and my firm belief in myself.  My goals are on going.  I learned a long time ago that the only way to stay motivated is to be constantly updating and creating goals.  One side effect of this paradigm is that it makes you successful beyond your wildest dreams.  Another possible side effect is that it can potentially make you feel like you’re always struggling.  But taking the time to appreciate where you are now, each and every day, helps you to focus on your successes.  Failure does not exist; this is a journey.  Appreciate how far you’ve come, the fact that you are on your path, and the fact that there is plenty of road still ahead of you.

These are my top 5 daily habits.  Following are 5 more success habits that I utilize and believe to be critical to a person’s success.  I will spare my regular readers some redundancy by giving a synopsis with a link to my original post.

1. Personal Strategic Planning is a concept used by many successful people and has been invaluable to me.  I now review my plan monthly, which feeds into my weekly planning as mentioned above.
2. Determining Your Top 20 activities has been crucial to me over the past several years, but especially since starting my own business.  It’s too easy, when you have control over your own time, to become distracted and get off track.  When you’re a control freak, it’s easy to give in to the “If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself,” thinking.  When money is tight, it’s tempting to try to do everything yourself to try to save a few bucks here and there.  But once you sit down and think about where your money really comes from, and what you truly enjoy doing, you’ll view each task on your to-do list very differently. 
3. Look Your Best Every Day.  Really.  It’s motivating, and one of the best success “secrets” out there.  What I’ve noticed, however, is that people who get it, get it.  Those who don’t, don’t.  I hope you do.
4. One Hour of Solitude is what I practice anytime I start to feel overwhelmed.  It’s a way of allowing my natural state of well-being to take over my Type A personality.  I’m always glad I took the time for it, and it definitely makes me more productive in the long run. 
5. Lastly, because I want to honor the request to keep the list to 10 items, I must say that nothing matters unless you’re living your life on purpose.  The greatest gift you have to give to the world is your own happiness.  If you’re not happy right now, Wake Up and Create the Life You Want.

I now tag Alex King, Rebecca Newburn, Dave Prouhet, and Wanda Grindstaff.

You can subscribe to this blog here.

GET THE BOOK   If you’d like to read all my latest success tips and how I’ve applied 20 years of solid business principles and the law of attraction to acquiring the life of my dreams, and am helping others do the same, you’ll want your own copy of Wake Up and Create the Life You Want: A Self-Empowerment Guide.  It comes with my free report on “The Science of Getting Rich.”  Both are downloadable, so you get them immediately, pay no shipping, and it’s only $19.95.

Whether you’re going for a job interview or meeting a potential client for the first time, you have only a few minutes to make them fall in love with you.  Do you know what it takes to make the perfect impression?  Are you completely comfortable with your ability to present your best self?  After reading this article, you will.

As I’ve mentioned before, You’ve Only Got Three Seconds to make an impression with your appearance.  So what you wear and how you present your physical self is extremely important.  Personally, I find this to be of high importance all the time, but if you’re one of those people whose personal style is always casual, you may need to think twice, and prepare a little more for an interview or important meeting.  However, gone are the days when I tell everyone to wear a business suit for a job interview.  Let me explain further.

What employers and business associates are looking for when you’re in an interview-type situation is two things.  The first, is whether or not you have the skills required, if that is an issue, and you probably would not have been called in for an interview if you do not.  So that one’s pretty much covered, they are just wanting to clarify a few things or make sure that you appear as good in person as you do on paper.  So the second aspect they’re looking for is even more important, and that is do you have “the look.”  Would you fit in?  Do you look like someone who works for or with this particular company?  Now, don’t expect many employers to admit this, but it is true.  They don’t want to “upset the apple cart,” so you need to look like someone who would fit in, even if you’re going to be in a leadership position.

When I talk about “the look,” it’s not about beauty.  Although, for some companies I worked for in the past, that was an important aspect.  But really, what they’re looking for is that you have a compatible look with the employees who are already there, or a little better.  So if you’re applying for a dental assisting position, you need to look like a dental assistant.  Likewise for a bank teller, teacher, pharmacist, salesperson, attorney, etc.

So, how do you use this information to make the perfect impression?  Find out how the current employees and supervisors dress, or take your best guess, then either copy that or step it up a notch.  For example, when my husband and I interview potential employees for his dental practice, it impresses me if they come to the interview dressed either like a front-office dental staff person, or in scrubs.  The idea is, I get to see what he or she would look like on the job.  That’s important to me, because I care about the impression our employees make on our patients.

However, I do want to warn you about something.  If you currently work in a dental office, and your interview is shortly after your work shift ends, it is okay to come in dressed in your current work scrubs.  BUT, be certain, absolutely certain, that you are clean, your shoes are clean, your hair is clean, makeup is fresh, etc.  It does not impress me if you come in looking disheveled with dirty tennis shoes.  If that means you need to take an extra pair of scrubs or shoes to change into, do that.  But presenting yourself as “this is just the way I look at the end of a long day – I can’t help being dirty,” doesn’t cut it with me.  I know what clean employees look like at the end of a long day.  Don’t insult my intelligence, and especially my husband’s, by pretending that’s just how it is.  That might be how you are, and we want no part of it.  We’ll pass, “thank you for coming in.”

The next way to make the perfect impression, is to find out everything you can about the company.  But don’t stop there.  What is the position for which you are being interviewed?  What is your background/knowledge/skill set in this area?  How can you make a difference for the company?  Is this an area where the company needs to improve and how can you help them do that?  Learn everything you can about the company, about the job, and how your abilities meet the demands of both.  Knowing these things will give you confidence, which packs a double-whammy in the impression-making department.  At the end of the meeting, if your interviewer has not asked the right questions, be prepared with a statement that answers all of the above questions for him or her.  That will make a fantastic impression!

Be sure to take the following with you to your interview: 

1. A perfectly prepared resume, even if you think they already have one
2. A notepad and pen, the best you own
3. A briefcase – no purse 
4. A small bottle of water

Let’s examine each of these items in detail and why I know they’re so important.

A perfectly prepared resume, even if you think they already have one because they may have lost your resume, or it could be in the human resources department and unattainable at the moment by the person who is interviewing you.  Be prepared.  I always took three copies with me because I was frequently interviewed by more than one person, and I preferred to have a copy to look at myself if they had questions.  I can’t tell you how many times having extra copies of my resume impressed my interviewers. Your resume also has your references and their contact information on the back page, or should anyway, in case you need to complete an application.

A notepad and pen, the best you own, will make you appear interested in the job and professional.  You will want to ask questions, we’re going to talk about that in a minute, and you will want to write down the answers you receive.  You will also want to take notes about anything that is revealed to you about the job.  Also, you might even be given an “assignment” to complete, and you will look better if you have your own pad and pen.

A briefcase, not a purse, will allow you to carry all of these things in style, without having to hold them in your arms while schlepping a purse on your shoulder.  And please, please, please, don’t carry a briefcase and a purse!  You want to appear open, accessible, and friendly.  Having your arms full will hinder your ability to shake hands appropriately, makes you appear unprofessional, and too encumbered.  If you do not own a briefcase, carry a nice leather folder.

A small bottle of water might save your voice, and the impression you make.  If you’re the nervous type, your throat probably becomes dry before an event like this.  That’s okay, it’s normal.  Sometimes, just knowing that you have a small bottle of water in your briefcase will calm your nerves a bit.

Next, I’d like to talk about what to do if you’re asked to wait for several minutes in a waiting or common area prior to your interview.  There’s something you need to know about that; often, you’re being watched.  I want you to know this because it’s being used more and more in all sizes of companies.  And sometimes, it’s not so much that they plan to watch you, they just can’t help it.  Therefore, besides the obvious things, like picking your nose, you’ll also want to avoid talking to yourself, rehearsing for the interview, and steeling anything from the area like magazines or supplies. 

What you want to do, is smile at everyone who comes into your view, and sit quietly with your feet on the floor or crossed at your ankles.  It’s okay to read a magazine if you’ve been told it’s going to be a while, but don’t lick your fingers to turn the pages, or tear out pages to keep for yourself.  If you feel the need to “freshen up,” ask for the restroom.  And, please, if there are doughnuts, cookies, or any other food out, they are not for you, they are for the clients. You should arrive for your interview properly fed, and only need a sip or two of your water. 

Let’s now move in to the interview portion and talk about how to answer questions honestly, and properly.  While you certainly want to present your best self in this situation, you also need to be honest.  It does neither you nor the company any good if you lie your way into a position for which you’re going to be miserable, or incapable of performing.  At the same time, there’s no need to be suspicious of each question, thinking that the interviewer is trying to “trip you up.”  Trust me, she is not.  In most cases, the interviewer wants you to do well so that he does not have to do very many more interviews.  Folks, this is not the most fun experience for anyone!  We dislike turnover and having to interview someone new as much as you dislike having to interview.  In both situations, however, there is the possibility of a great new relationship.

In a later post, I’ll list the questions my husband and I use during our interviewing process and the answers we’re looking for, or that are okay.  You may sign up here so that you don’t miss it.

One of the most common questions I get in my career development seminars is, “how do I ask questions, and what is okay to ask?”  Asking questions when you’re given permission to do so is a great way to show your interest in the job.  If you’re prompted for questions at the beginning of your interview, start with questions you tried to research about the company but could not find the answer to.  For example, “How long has this company been in business?”  “Whom do you consider to be your competition?”  “How strong is your market share?”  “How many employees currently work here?”  DO NOT start out with self-serving questions like, “How much does the position pay, is my insurance covered, how many weeks vacation do I get the first year, etc.”  Actually, you should not even ask these questions at the first interview, unless an offer is made.  If these items are not covered prior to an offer being made, it is okay to ask at that point, but not before.

The best questions to ask at the end of the interview, once you’ve been given permission, are:  “How soon do you expect to make a decision?”  “Are there many other applicants?”  “How important is previous experience in your hiring decision?”  “Does this position lead to others within the company?”   In other words, get an idea of where you stand without asking self-serving questions.  Often, you’ll get an honest viewpoint of where you stand compared to other applicants, without putting the interviewer on the defensive by asking inappropriate questions too soon.  Never assume you have the job until an offer has been made.  Then, and only then, is it okay to ask about salary and benefits. 

Lastly, it is very impressive to send a thank-you letter to your interviewer thanking him or her for their time and consideration.  However, it is NOT appropriate to call the office to inquire about your status, and certainly not to ask why you specifically didn’t get the job.  If there were a chance that you would be considered for a future position, and that might be what they’re thinking – maybe you’re not right for this position, but for something that’s coming up – you blow it by calling back and expressing your annoyance.  Even if you were promised to be notified either way, and you’ve found out it wasn’t you through another source, resist the temptation to pick up that phone, and don’t take it personally.  For all you know, they decided you were too good for them, and passed your resume on to a company that will utilize your talents, and pay you more money. 

Remember this, it’s about putting yourself out there, and showing up.  Make a perfect impression everywhere you go, and opportunities will abound.  I promise.

We’ve all been there.  You’re trying to control your thoughts so can maintain a positive attitude and attract good things into your life.  Then, BAM!, something happens that sends your thoughts completely out of alignment with what you want and you start having those conversations with yourself that are not good.  Would you like a fast, easy way of getting back on track? Keep reading.

If you’ve ever had a conversation with a four-year-old, you know that the child is always in control of the conversation. 

If you’ve ever purchased anything with a high price tag, like a car or piece of furniture, you’ve also probably noticed that the salesperson is always in control of the conversation.

What we need to learn from the four-year-old and the professional sales person is how to control a conversation, with the intent here of controlling the conversations we have within our own mind.

Most of the time, we start conversations, including the ones with ourselves, with a statement.  To a four-year-old, you might say, “It’s time to eat.  Come inside and wash your hands.”  The four-year-old will respond with something like, “Why?”  So you come back with, “because dinner is ready.”  Four-year-old:  “But why do I have to wash my hands?”  Back and forth you go until someone gives up or gives in.

Let’s look at the buying a car situation.  You start with, “I need to buy a new car.”  The salesperson asks, “What kind of payments are you looking for?”  You might counter with, “I’m going to pay cash, so the payments are not an issue.”  The salesperson will respond with, “Well, then, what kind of price range are we looking at?”

Now, take a moment to go back and look at the comments of the four-year-old and the salesperson.  Do you notice a pattern here?  That’s right – they both use questions.  And if you’ve ever been in either scenario, you know that the four-year-old, or the salesperson, had control of that conversation.

How can we use this information to gain control of our internal dialogue?  Here’s what you need to do.

The next time you find yourself reacting to a situation in a way you don’t like, maybe you’re not acting out, you’re just having those negative conversations with yourself and you want to get control of them, start asking yourself questions.  Let me give you a few of my favorites, and then we’ll come back and look at some specific examples.

1. How can I get control of this situation?
2. How can I feel better about this?
3. How can I get my point across more clearly?
4. What could I do, right now, to calm myself down?
5. Who could help me with this?
6. If I could leave this situation right now and go anywhere in the world, where would I go?
7. Am I viewing this situation from the perspective of truth?  Or am I allowing the way the situation appears to control me?

A few weeks ago, I found myself completely out of my sleep medication.  I don’t use it on a regular basis, and I was going to try to get off of it completely.  I realized that there are just going to be certain times when I need help falling asleep and that’s why these medications exist.  So I called my doctor’s office to ask for a refill.  I called early in the day knowing that these things take time.  I was told that it would be “no problem,” but that they would call me if they encountered a problem.  At 4 PM, I went to my local pharmacy to pick up the prescription, but my doctor’s office had never called it in.  I came back home and attempted to call the office, but they were closed – and this was Friday.  I started to panic.  Then I became upset with myself for panicking.  My internal dialogue went something like this:

“This is your fault, Debra.  You should have called the pharmacy earlier in the day.  You should have known the doctor’s office would close early on a Friday.  You shouldn’t have waited until Friday to call.  You should not have waited until you were completely out before asking for a refill.”  And on, and on, and on.  For hours.

Finally, I decided I would just have to be okay with it.  I mean, there was really nothing more I could do.  I called my doctor at home and left a message, but I did not hear back from him until after the pharmacy had already closed.  So my internal dialogue turned to something like this: 

“I am okay with this.  I didn’t sleep last night, so surely, I will sleep tonight.  And if I don’t sleep, that’s okay, too.”

Then, I remembered something I’d heard or read recently that said when you have a goal, ask yourself “how?”  I laughed and thought, “Okay, Debra, how could you get your hands on some Ambien before 10PM tonight?”  Then I started to laugh out loud because I realized that this must be how drug addicts think!

But as I was laughing at myself and just enjoying the moment and truly “letting go,” I suddenly remembered that a couple of weeks before I had noticed in my pill case that I keep in my purse for travel, that there was half a pill left over from my last trip.  Amazing!  The moment I let go and asked a simple question of how to get what I wanted, the universe responded to me – immediately.

Question number seven from the list above is from Wallace Wattles’ The Science of Getting Rich, which I evaluated in detail a couple of weeks ago.  Wattles says that we can control our thoughts by focusing on truth.  In my situation with the sleep medication, the truth was that I was not out of Ambien, it just appeared that I was, and I let appearances get the best of me.

Focusing on the truth can be tough because outwardly, we don’t always know what the truth is.  But our higher self knows.  My internal consciousness knew what was in my travel case – the entire time that I was fuming mad at my doctor’s office.  My work, was to get control of that conversation, by asking the question.

Your Assignment

You don’t have to wait for an upsetting situation to try this technique.  Would you like to get control of your internal dialogue?  Start asking questions.  It really works!

“I hate you,” facetiously said the woman behind the counter. 

“Why?” asked Debra as she laughed.

“Because even in jeans you look dressed up!”

Have you ever had an experience like that?  Better yet – remember the last time you walked into a room and felt fantastic because you knew you looked fantastic and all eyes fell on you.  Do you remember what that felt like?  If you’ve never had a moment like that, well, that’s kind of sad, but we’re going to work on that right now (if you want.)  For everyone else, I want you to jot down what you were wearing.  It doesn’t matter if the situation was more formal or casual than usual, don’t over analyze on me here, just jot down what you had on – we’re going to come back to it later.

When I was growing up I had to look good – all the time.  Luckily, I had parents who supported my attitude.  My mother had only two rules for my clothing; no too-short shorts, and no jeans.  And “too short” was by her definition, of course, not mine.  By the time I got into college and started wearing jeans where my mother couldn’t catch me, I had already established a “dressed up” look for myself.  In fact, almost everything I wore came from one certain catalog, was a combination of business and dressy, and, of course, a little expensive compared to what the local stores had to offer. 

A couple of years ago my husband and I were out on one of our routine evening walks when I ran into a friend from high school.  She shook her head as she looked me up and down and I simply had to ask, “What?” 

“You’re the only person I know who gets dressed up to go walking!”

I thought I was dressed down, I mean, I was wearing tennis shoes.

Over the years, I’ve had many girlfriends and co-workers come to me wanting to know how I do it – always look perfectly dressed for the occasion.  In my career development workshop, I get to share all my tips and techniques, which is more fun than I can even begin to describe.  Today, I want to share my best time-proven theories with you.

First, I’d like to address the three most common objections I get when someone requests my help, and I start to give it.

“It takes a lot of money to look good.”  Remember that rule my mother had about “no jeans?” I eventually figured out why – they’re expensive!  While all my high school friends were spending $45 to $55 – in the 1980’s - to purchase designer jeans that they just had to have, I was spending $30 to $40 for nice dress pants that coordinated with a beautiful outfit or two.  The lesson to learn here is this: Once you develop your unique style, you will likely spend less on your wardrobe than you do now.  It takes a certain amount of money to buy clothes, period.  Looking good does not cost any more than looking, well, you get the drift.

“I can’t look as good as you because I’m not as thin.”    This isn’t about me. You want to look your best, in whatever body, shape and size included, you have now – right this minute – and you can.  You can develop a style that, although it might be patterned after a certain character on television or just someone you admire, is your style.  And you’re more than likely going to keep that style no matter how much you weigh, so you’re not wasting time.  There are certain qualities about clothing that some people just can’t wear because of certain features, and we’re going to talk about that.  I, for example, can’t wear certain styles of blouses because my shoulders are too broad.  Something that looks great on you might look horrible on me even though I’m thin.  Did you even think about it that way?

“Being fashionable means you have to wear all the latest runway looks and I just can’t get into all of that.”  Neither can I.  I love to watch the fashion shows – online.  I might choose one or two outfits that I later see a version of in a department store and try on.  If it looks good on me, I buy it, if it doesn’t, I don’t.  Mostly, I use the latest styles to judge what colors I’m going to focus on for this season.  But even then, when I wear something of a totally opposite color, I’ll get huge compliments, because it’s different from what everyone else is wearing.  In their book, What Would Jackie Do?: An Inspired Guide to Distinctive Living, Shelly Branch and Sue Callaway have this to say about donning a particular look:

“If you look like everyone else everywhere you go – paying special attention at airports – it’s over.” 

It’s not about creating a look, it’s about creating your look.  Are you ready to create a look that’s as special and unique as you are?  Let’s get started.

Whom do you admire?  Whose look would you like to re-create?  That’s always a good place to start.  Take time to notice someone who is successful in the same career or endeavor in which you would like to succeed.  How does he or she dress?  It can be someone on television even.  Finding someone to model is a good way to get your visual