I’ve written a lot this past year about goal setting and the proper way to create New Year’s Resolutions, but the most valuable advice I have to give you is yet to come.

If you’re into personal development and positive thinking as much as I am, I know you’ve heard that age-old axiom of surrounding yourself with people you want to be like or become.  It’s a very good idea, but if you have lofty goals and big dreams, it can take a while before you are comfortable approaching a particular group of potential friends or associates.  So what is a highly motivated person to do in the meantime?  Try this instead.

Surround yourself with a positive environment.  This means that you must take control of all sources of stimulation; what you see, what you hear, what you taste, what you smell, and what you feel, both physically and emotionally.  Let’s discuss this in more detail.

“What you see.”  This involves surrounding yourself with motivational images or, at the very least, neutral images.  It amazes me how many people like to watch television shows and/or movies about death and violence.  I know it’s just supposed to be entertainment, but studies have shown that when children are allowed a steady stream of stimulation to this kind of “entertainment,” they become more violent in real life.  I personally can’t stand to watch anything that is intentionally designed to bring attention to the negative aspects of life.  I like shows (and music) that are upbeat and positive.  If you are having trouble achieving your goals or keeping New Year’s Resolutions, take a good look at the stimulation your eyes get and see if there are changes that need to be made.

“What you hear.”  Television, movies, and music certainly apply here as well, but also the comments and language of the people with whom you spend your time have a tremendous effect on your environment and psyche.  If you’ve ever had a boss with a negative disposition, you know what I’m talking about.  In a work environment, it’s easy to make the excuse that you have no control over superiors and co-workers who make negative comments, but actually, you have a lot more control than you think.  One method that I have found to work when people around me are talking negatively is to hum one of my favorite tunes, or a song that I’ve heard recently.  My favorite is Al Jarreau’s “Boogie Down.”  

If you want to set an example for fellow employees, or even a boss that you know pretty well, just start discounting their negative comments and make positive comments instead.  You can, for example, say, “That’s not true.  We are actually living in the most prosperous times ever recorded in history.”  I have found that when you start refusing to accept everyone’s negative, “woe is me,” attitudes and replace them with the attitudes you desire, they will either shut up and leave you alone, or they’ll join your bandwagon which means you’ve actually made a difference in this world.

“What you taste.”  I know you’re thinking I’m way out on a limb with this one, but give me a chance to explain.  Imagine for a moment biting into a sour lemon.  I bet just reading those words made your mouth water and your nose pucker.  Now imagine taking a bite of your favorite dessert.  Better?  Now, I’m not saying avoid fruits and eat all sugar, but the things you put in your mouth do affect your feelings, emotions, and therefore, your attitudes.  Take a moment to really think about this.  How do you feel when you have a very nice, tasteful meal at a nice restaurant?  How do you feel when you eat while pulling out of the drive-thru at McDonald’s?  Naturally, there are times when quick-service establishments are necessary, but eating properly and treating yourself well, giving yourself time to relax and eat a healthy meal, is very important to creating a positive environment for yourself.  Your taste buds are a source of stimulation for your brain, as is the very food you choose to eat, so take care and pay attention to what goes in your mouth.

“What you smell.”  Considering that there is an entire discipline based on the study of how the sense of smell affects our brains and our moods, aromatherapy, we should be less surprised about the effects of smell on our environmental well-being.  While there are times when we truly have no control over what we smell, like being on a long stretch of highway and forced to stop and use a gas station bathroom, we can usually get out of the situation or find a way to rectify it.  I have personally found that purchasing a chocolate bar at the gas station helps me quickly forget the unpleasant experience!  How does it smell where you are right now?  There are plenty of methods at your disposal to correct it if necessary; personal cologne or perfume, candles, air fresheners, potpourri, etc.  Just don’t go overboard.  This is one area where a little goes a long way, and if you’re in a work environment, remember that some people are sensitive to strong odors.  Use just enough to make your environment pleasant.

“What you feel – physically.”  No one likes or deserves to be physically hurt in any way.  If you are in an environment where someone is physically abusing you, tell someone you can trust and seek help immediately.   On a lighter note, feeling too hot or too cold can affect your mood, your attitude, and therefore your productivity as well.  So make sure your physical environment is pleasing and take the steps necessary to correct it as necessary.  You might need a better chair with back support, a higher or lower desk, or you might need to move your computer monitor.  Take a moment right now to assess your physical comfort level.  What changes do you need to make?

“What you feel – emotionally.”  This is the most important aspect to control regarding achieving your goals and keeping your New Year’s Resolutions.  (Don’t you hate how writers and speakers always save the best for last!)  Have you ever noticed how when you’re feeling good, everything seems to go your way, and when you’re feeling bad, it seems as if you just can’t win?  Your emotions have a direct impact on your ability to create success.  When you feel good, you feel like carrying out the tasks required to accomplish your goals.  When you feel good, it’s easy to keep your New Year’s Resolutions.  When you feel good, you feel good.  When you feel bad, everything is a chore, you become depressed and pessimistic, and often, you just stop trying.

How do you control your emotions?  With your thoughts.  Remember the day your dog died.  How do you feel?  Sad?  Now remember a day when you won some money or a prize you weren’t expecting.  How do you feel now?  Happy?  Your thoughts affect your emotions, which affect your success.

How do you control your thoughts?  With your other senses and outside stimulation.  See how it’s all connected?  If you think you need to laugh, watch a comedy.  If you think you need some creative stimulation, watch some kids at play.  If you need serenity, take a walk in the park or listen to soothing music.  If you just need to get down to business and do some work, listen to some upbeat music, get on the treadmill for a few minutes, (an object in motion stays in motion), or write out a list of everything you need to do.  Get the idea here?  Use the power of all your senses to create your positive environment.  While it takes a little effort, it’s easier than you think, and the payoff is huge!

Posted under Motivation

The two most powerful words in the English language are, “I am.”  This year, when you’re writing down your New Year’s Resolutions, try using these two powerful words or a similar version.  Some examples are:

I am an early riser.
I am a Do-It-Now person.
I am thin.
I weigh 130 pounds.
I am happy.
I am a hard worker.
I am a smart woman.
I am successful.
I am the best salesperson my company has ever known.
I am a good student.
I earn high grades in all subjects.
I am a fast learner.
I am self-sufficient.
I am an excellent problem solver.
I earn a high salary.
I am very organized.
In other words, you state your goal or resolution as if you’ve already achieved that state of being; as if, “it is like me,” to be this way.  

There are several reasons why this powerful phrase works, but the most important one is that it gives your subconscious mind a “set point” to work toward.  If you repeat one of these phrases over and over to yourself throughout the day,  your subconscious mind will trigger other ideas and help you develop other habits that help bring the desired outcome into reality.  For example, if you frequently repeat to yourself several times, “I am an early riser,” you will probably find yourself becoming sleepy and wanting to go to bed at an earlier than usual time so that you can get up early.

For more information on goal setting and achievement, read:

How to Set Goals and Make New Year’s Resolutions You Can Actually Achieve

How Many New Year’s Resolutions Can One Person Have?

Goals Reflection and Reassessment

7 Ways to Break a Bad Habit (And Develop Good Ones)

The Secret to Achieving Your Dreams

How I Lost 25 Pounds in One Month

Seven Steps to Goal Accomplishment

Posted under Education, Leadership, Motivation

Merry Christmas everyone!  I am very blessed to be spending this holiday with my husband’s family as we come together to celebrate my in-laws’, Cynthia and Henry Moorhead’s, 60th wedding anniversary.  They were married on Christmas day in 1946.  They have two children; my husband, Dr. William J. Moorhead, and Mrs. Millie Woolwine.  Millie is married to Mike Woolwine and they have two children, Ben and Bobby.

We are a typical family together at Christmas; we fuss over what to do, where to go, where to eat, what to eat, how to prepare what to eat, when to eat, and just about anything else there is to fuss about.  However, as with most families, we can really come together when it’s important, like pulling off a surprise anniversary celebration.

During this time of the year, it’s easy to get caught up in the negative thinking and comments of others who, for whatever reason, believe they lack for something.  When we’re around family and close friends, we feel that we can let our guard down and just “be ourselves,” which too often translates into becoming selfish and self-consumed.  The fact is we are all blessed beyond measure.  If you’re reading this article, you are probably wealthier, in many ways, than at least half of this world’s population, you just don’t realize it yet.

We all have a natural, good tendency to want more.  We each create our reality and can have anything we truly desire.  If you want to attract good things into your life, (and who doesn’t?), start by appreciating the good things you currently have.  In other words, count your blessings.  Doing this will improve your mood instantly, (just in case you’re surrounded by an arguing family), and put you in the right frame of mind for more good things to come to you.

Your Assignment

Create a list of everything you love and appreciate in your life right now.  You can write about people, things, relationships – whatever comes to mind.  Right down what you love about it, why you love it, and what it adds to your life experience.  After you’ve written everything you can think of, go back, read what you’ve written, and rejoice in your words and your blessings.  Then, go back out and join the rest of your family for Christmas – with a new attitude!

Posted under Inspiration, Motivation

I’ve been writing a lot about goals lately, and decided this would be a good time to talk about the number of goals one can expect to be able to work on and achieve at one time.  In theory, you should be able to work on all the goals you want, after all, our human brains are much more sophisticated than computers and were wired by the Ultimate Creator.  Therefore, multi-tasking, which we do consistently without even knowing it, is a cinch, right?

In my personal experience, trying to work on many different goals at once doesn’t work.  Here’s why.

First, there’s the argument of focus.  As physical beings, we are designed to create and achieve anything we focus on.  That means when we focus our thoughts, our energy, our actions, on accomplishing a particular set of tasks, or goal, we will, without fail, accomplish that goal.  However, there seems to be a limit as to how many goals we can focus on at one time.  When we try to do too much, our minds become cluttered and may shut down due to being overwhelmed.

Second, there’s the argument of priority.  Most of us set personal, professional, business, financial, family, and even spiritual goals.  Granted, we do have all of these various aspects to our lives and with everyone nearly screaming about “balance” these days, we feel obligated to have goals in each of these areas.  But be honest with yourself; how many of these areas can you work on at the same time and not feel overwhelmed?  So when we start to realize that we can’t concentrate on all areas at once, we are forced to choose, and guilt begins to rear it’s ugly head which, if left unchecked, will prevent us from accomplishing our goals.

Third, there’s the argument of time.  At the beginning of any given year, we tend to feel hopeful and optimistic about how much we can accomplish in 12 months, and that’s a good thing.  However, stop to think about your daily work schedule.  How much can you truly accomplish?  We tend to grossly overestimate what we can accomplish in one year.  We want to set big goals because we have big dreams, and that’s also a good thing.  But if we’re not realistic about our own energy levels and time limitations, we might find that we get discouraged and give up not too long into the New Year.

So, then, what am I recommending?  Whether you’re just starting out with this goal-setting concept, or a long-time veteran, remember this:  Once you’ve accomplished a goal, you can always set a new one.  Did you know that?  You see, what most people do is reserve their goal-setting time to once a year, and that’s it.  The trouble with that, is that it sets you up for possibly two problems; one, you achieve your goals, say, in May, and go the rest of the year goalless, meaning you could have accomplished more, or two, you set all of your year’s goals at once, become overwhelmed and give up because they are all too difficult to manage.

The system I use might seem a bit complicated at first, but long term it is manageable and, more importantly, it works.  To get all the details, read my recent post, How to Set Goals and Make New Year’s Resolutions You Can Actually Achieve.  In trying to figure out how many goals you can have at once, here’s my recommendation:  You can have as many goals and New Year’s Resolutions as you can put through that system and not start to feel overwhelmed.  In other words, if you follow my strategic planning method, the moment you start to feel overwhelmed, you’ve set enough goals for now.  Keep a list of other things you would like to work on, but plan to come back to them later.

Another good rule of thumb is to work on only one major goal in each of these areas at a time:  Body, Relationships, Home, and Work.  Everything in your life will fit into one of these four categories.  Working on one major goal in each of these areas is doable, without becoming unmanageable.  Naturally, you should choose what is most important to your life right now in each area.  Knowing that you will come back to your list will alleviate any quilt you feel.  Also, knowing that you have other goals to come back to will help keep you focused on goal achievement.  You’ll be thinking, “I must accomplish this goal so that I can move on to that goal.”

Remember to reflect on and reassess your goals, frequently.  This world is ever changing, and so are you.  It’s okay to let go of something that is either no longer of importance to you, would not serve your purpose now, or that you just don’t want anymore.  Letting go of out-dated goals frees up energy for what you do want.

Each morning, take just a few minutes to remind yourself of your four major goals, and decide what you’re going to do today toward them.  If you’ve used my strategic planning method, you will have already figured this out, but you need to take a few moments to review your plan.  This keeps you focused, reminds you of your priorities, and nearly manages your time for you while helping you feel in control rather than overwhelmed.

Lastly, remember to take everything one step at a time.  As you become more familiar with goal setting and strategic planning, you will get better at it and be able to set many goals.  For now, keep it simple and straight forward; my physical well-being, my important relationships, my sanctuary I call, “home,” and my work, which supports me and my family.  Whew!  That’s enough!

Posted under Leadership, Motivation

One point that always confuses me when I start to make new goals is the difference in opinion among current thought leaders about setting “realistic” goals, versus, “thinking big.”  It’s one of those topics that for every successful person who believes in realistic goals there is also one who believes in thinking big.  I’ve put both theories to the test and here’s what I’ve found.

Setting realistic goals works great and if you’re just starting out with this process, that’s what I recommend you do.  A realistic goal is something like, “I will increase my income by 10% over the next quarter.”  Keep the accomplishment at something you feel you can realistically achieve, and the deadline not too soon, nor too far off.

The good thing about setting realistic goals is that when you achieve them, you gain courage to set bigger and better goals.  This is good because it keeps you on your path of constant improvement and success, and there are plenty of millionaires out there who accomplished their success just this way.  They didn’t think big, until it was time to think big.   Thinking big was just a logical progression along their goal-setting path.

The theory behind thinking big is that when you set realistic goals, you’re somehow short-changing yourself on what you could possibly accomplish.  In other words, you’re setting yourself up to be an underachiever.  The gurus who teach this theory say that those same millionaires who eventually became so by setting realistic goals over a number of years could have become millionaires a lot sooner if they’d just thought bigger to begin with.   With million- and billionaires out there at 20 and 30 years of age, who am I to argue?

But what happens when you set those big goals and they don’t materialize?  In my experience, most people stop setting goals at all.  I can always tell when I’m counseling someone about goal setting and they come back with the excuse, “I tried that and it didn’t work.”  I know that one of two things has happened.  Either one, they gave up too soon, or two, they set too large a goal and gave themselves too little time to accomplish it.

The importance of setting goals in the first place is to give yourself something to measure your performance against.  I like the analogy of, “If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?”  It’s important to know where you’re going in life, both personally and professionally.  So what, then, is the best way to set goals and make New Year’s resolutions you can actually achieve?

I like using a combination of both thinking big and being realistic.  The business paradigm of Strategic Planning utilizes both of these methods very well and that’s what I teach in my career development seminars.  Now, I’m not going to spend time in this article trying to explain how businesses go about strategic planning.  You can view the Wikipedia link above if you’re truly interested in that.  What I want to teach you is how I go about setting my goals and New Year’s resolutions.  This method has worked for me without fail for several years – I am constantly achieving something and very often well before my targeted deadline.  When I don’t meet a goal by its original deadline, it’s easy to see why, and, more importantly, easy to adjust and get back on track.  In fact, part of the beauty of strategic planning is that it is designed to pick up right where you are and get you to wherever you want to go.  So let’s get to it.

1. Create a list, I like to use Excel and you’ll see why later, of everything you would like to accomplish in life.  Everything.  Big things, little things, everything.  Don’t hold back; this is where we satisfy the “think big” gurus.  Also, don’t set deadlines for now – just dream, and record.
2. Put your list in order.  Priority order, chronological order, whatever makes sense to you.  I use a combination of priority and a timeline.  For example, I plan to acquire my Doctorate in Business Administration, but not for several years, it’s in my mid-range goals section.  You might also want to separate them into categories like, personal, career, family, etc.  It’s your list so do what you want with it.  Also go back and set deadlines if you would like to acquire this goal by a certain time.
3. Ask yourself, “How?”  How will you accomplish this dream?  What are the steps you should take in order to manifest this exactly the way you want it.  If you’re not sure, what research do you need to perform?  How can you find out how others have accomplished this goal?  Keep asking yourself how for each answer you come up with.  One of my big goals last year was to join the National Speakers Association.  I set my deadline for the end of this year since they give you a year to meet their requirements.  When I set the goal, I went back and asked, “How?” Well, I need $20,000 in speaking income.  How will I get that? I could go back to work for my old training company.  Okay, so what do I need to do to make that happen – and so on.  Get the picture?
4. Make it a journal.  As you answer each “how” question, write it down.  This is why Excel works so great – you can easily add rows where you need to.  Of course, you can buy strategic planning software or use a database, but Excel works just fine and is not complicated.  You could also do this in Word, but it’s a little more tricky due to the formatting.  Keep asking yourself “how?” until you have your very next step right in front of you – something you could do right now, or tomorrow at the latest.
5. Take all the time you need.  Go through this process for every single goal.  The first time I did this, it took months!  I have a lot of goals and I’m sure you do too.  So don’t get discouraged – keep at it – it’s going to pay off.  Plus, as you accomplish goals, you’ll want to set new ones, so it’s a never-ending process anyway.  Believe, once you experience success with this, it will become fun and you won’t want to stop!
6. As you create more and more realistic steps that you know you can complete, bam, you’ve got your “realistic” goals that will keep you focused and give you the sense of accomplishment you need to keep up your momentum.  These steps become your short-term goals and you can definitely set deadlines to these.
7. Keep working on your list.  Review it daily at first, then weekly, then monthly.  You’ll know when you’re ready to loosen your discipline and you’ll also know when it’s time to tighten up.  After about three months of daily/weekly follow-up this past year, 2006, I stopped looking at my list because I felt that I knew what I needed to do and had the discipline to do it.  In April, I reached my goal of qualifying for the NSA and didn’t even know it!  I had actually qualified a lot sooner than I’d thought and it was just a matter of turning in the paperwork.  If I hadn’t looked at my strategic plan in May, I don’t know when I would have noticed!  It’s now fun to go in and see what I’ve accomplished and if I haven’t accomplished much, I get back to work!
8. Resolve to change where necessary.  If there are any paradigms that you need to change within yourself in order to accomplish your goals, those become your “News Year’s Resolutions.”  For example, I had to become a morning person in order to make the long 1+-hour drive to Lexington every day to meet my NSA goal.  That was tough at times, but meeting the goal was well worth it.  So my “Big Dream” was becoming an NSA member by the end of the year.  I had several interim goals that were realistic and achievable within a certain time frame.  My New Year’s Resolution was to become an early riser. Do you see how it all ties in?
9. Take action.  What I like most about this system, is that it gives you tactical steps to accomplish.  It also gets you thinking in action mode.  In my post, The Secret to Achieving Your Dreams, I talk about the importance of acting on the guidance you’re given.  Often, we know what we need to do, we just need to act.  Strategic planning makes that obvious.  When you look at your list, you see exactly what you need to do.  When you see something is not materializing, it’s easy to see why – you’ve haven’t completed one or more of the steps.

As for the “think big” versus “be realistic” debate?  I agree with Gloria Steinem who said:

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.”

So dream big, make a realistic plan, then execute.

Posted under Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

It’s almost that time of year when we set new goals and make New Years Resolutions.  Before starting that familiar process, take a few minutes to reflect on last year’s accomplishments and reassess where you are on your path to accomplishing your big dreams.  Here’s how.

First, get out the list you made last year and check off every goal you accomplished.  This is important because it shows you just how capable you are of achieving.

Second, make a list of all the things you accomplished that you didn’t necessarily set out to do.  This is important because it shows you how capable you are of achieving things beyond your imagination.

Third, take a closer look at the things you couldn’t check off.  What are you going to do about those?  Are they still worth pursuing?  Are those items still important to you?  Will accomplishing those goals help you get to your final destination?  If so, there are a few things you need to think about before making any new resolutions for this year.

1. Why were these goals not accomplished?  We often overestimate what we can achieve in one year and grossly underestimate what we can accomplish in five years.  If you have a major goal that went unachieved in 2006, why not reset it for 2007?
2. Do you have a plan?  When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  I will be discussing the importance of Strategic Planning in a later post, but for now, make a rough sketch of the steps necessary to accomplish this particular goal.
3. Are you giving up too soon?  If your goal for 2006 was to lose 100 pounds and you lost 25, you might be tempted to forget about weight loss for this year using the excuse, “it’s just not in the cards for me.”  Maybe your goal was to double your income in 2006 but you’re still at the same level, making the same amount with no hope for a promotion any time soon.  If you’ve been working toward a goal for some time and not seeing any success, the last thing you want to do is give up.  Why?  Because you’ve put all this work into it already and if you give up now, you’re throwing away all that energy (and possibly expense) that went into your attempts to achieve the goal.  Let me give you an analogy.

Let’s say you live in Chicago and your goal is to drive to Disney World in Florida.  You’ve planned your trip, you have directions, food, gasoline, supplies, bags packed, you’re ready to go and you’re leaving today.  If you started out on this trip say, at 8 AM Friday, you wouldn’t expect to be in Orlando by 9 AM Friday would you?  Of course not!  You know it’s going to take two days of good solid driving to get to Orlando from Chicago.  You know you’re going to have an overnight stay and you have probably even made hotel reservations ahead of time. 

Now let’s say that you’ve had your overnight stay and you start out on your trip the next morning again at 8 AM.  Sometime around Noon, you start to get tired and hungry.  You’re tired of fast food, so you stop into a small family restaurant on one of those lesser-known exits of I75.  It’s home-cooked food and it tastes really great – just the break you needed from all that fast food.  Your meal is complete, you’re full and satisfied and ready to get on your way.  It took a little longer than stopping at McDonald’s, so you’re off your time schedule, but you know it was worth it because of how you feel.

About an hour later, you start to get really sleepy and think, “Wow, my own bed would feel great about now.  I could take a nap, feel refreshed, and continue on my way.”  But wait, you’re 900 miles away from home.  Are you going to turn around, go back home, take your nap, and start all over?  Of course not!  You’ll keep plugging along, probably pull over somewhere for a quick break and some caffeine.

Finally, you make it to the Florida state line and think, “Yes!  It was worth it.  Disney World, here I come.”  Just seeing the sign gives you a renewed sense of energy and enthusiasm and you just know you’re going to make it.  Then, after several more hours of driving, you start to think you missed a turn somewhere.  Maybe your directions weren’t so great after all.  What are you going to do?  Give up and go home?  No!  You decide to stop and ask for directions.  The gas station attendant says you simply missed your turn onto Interstate 4, and all you need to do is turn around and go back a couple of exits. 

You do that, but you cannot find the exit he told you.  You start seeing signs and buildings you know you’ve seen before, so you pull over again and ask for more directions.  Again, you’re told you missed I4, and all you need to do is turn around and go back a couple of exits.

You do that again, and this time, you find it.  In fact, you don’t know how you missed it before because it’s marked plain as day. As promised, once you make it onto I4, there are plenty of directions and signs pointing the way to Disney World – your final destination.  You’re so happy because even though you’re tired and travel weary, you know you’re going to have a lot of fun once you get inside the park.

You see, it never occurs to you to give up on your drive to Disney World.  Why?  Because other people have done it?  Because you know if you just take the right turns, you’ll eventually get there?  Because you know the reward is worth the effort? 

So why, then, do we so easily give up on the goals, dreams, and resolutions that mean a whole lot more to us than a trip to Disney World?

What too many of us do is turn around and go home when we get tired.  Or worse, we get within 15 miles and decide it’s just “not meant to be.”  We fail to ask directions, or just give up when we’re right on the verge of seeing the signs of our final destination.

Your time goal for your trip to Disney World was to leave at 8 AM on Friday and arrive there by 5 PM Saturday.  Instead, you arrived at 8 PM Saturday.  Do you feel ashamed?  No.  You’re thrilled because you’re at Disney World.  You eventually made it, and you’re not even concerned about the fact that it took a little longer than estimated – you’re thrilled just to have arrived.

So what then, is the harm in arriving at a 2006 goal in April of 2007?  Or for that matter July of 2008?  It doesn’t matter when you get there, as long as you’re still thrilled to have arrived.

Which of your 2006 goals are you going to carry over into 2007?

Your Assignment

Take 60 minutes to reflect on all your previous goals and New Years Resolutions.  Which ones are still worth pursuing?  Keep your list handy because in my next post, we will discuss how to “tweak them” to make sure you accomplish them.

If you found this article helpful, please support DebraMoorhead.com.

Posted under Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

You get what you think about most of the time.  Have you heard/read that as many times as I have?  Just about every motivational speaker on the circuit spouts this universal law of attraction.  But what does it really mean, how does one utilize it, and more importantly, how do we control our thoughts?

I recently viewed a special on the life of Tom Cruise.  (He has a new movie coming out so his publicist is trying to do damage control for some public faux pas made earlier this year.)  One comment made was about how the making of the last movie that Tom and Nicole starred in, Eyes Wide Shut, could possibly have been the cause of their divorce.  Somehow, I could feel eyes rolling all over America as I heard that philosophy.  But you know, it’s probably true. 

I’ve talked before about “acting the part.”  If you want to become successful, act like you’re successful and it will eventually come true.  I often tell my seminar students to choose a character, fictional if necessary, they want to become, and then act the part.  I’ve used that little trick many times throughout my life and it really works.  (Within reason, of course.  I mean, pretending to be a sheep in your local Christmas play is not going to turn you into a sheep.  I bet you’re glad I spelled that out aren’t you – you were worried!)  But have you ever stopped to think about how your negative thoughts and thoughts of what you don’t want keep you in that state of lack as well?

The powerful universal Law of Attraction says that you draw to you the essence of whatever you predominantly think about.  So if you predominantly think about things you want, you’ll get them.  If you predominantly think about what you don’t want, you’ll get that.  Let me give you an example.

My husband and I desperately want a new house.  We are, thankfully, in a position where we could purchase or build a new house this next year (2007).  However, nothing seems to be working out for us.  When we find a house we’re interested in, it’s not available.  What’s available, doesn’t suit our needs or tastes.  The lots that are available don’t work for one reason or another either.  So I’m starting to wonder, what are we attracting?

Since this is a joint venture, both my husband and I will need to have our thoughts in line with getting a new house.  Of course, I can’t control my husband’s thoughts, (if only – right ladies!), so it is up to me to work on my own thoughts.  Am I focusing on wanting a new house, or am I focusing on not wanting this one?  It’s a very subtle distinction if you’re not used to thinking about the Law of Attraction, but it’s a huge difference in universal thought.  You see, in order to draw to me the resources necessary to move into a new house, let’s say in 2007, I must constantly think about moving into that new house; how gorgeous it’s going to be, how spacious, how clean, how organized, etc.  I need to think about what it will look like, how I will feel once we’re all moved in, how efficiently my office will be laid out.  I need to visualize the wrap-around deck with access from every room, about how the house is just the right size.  I could go on, and believe me, I often do—but I think you get the picture. 

What I don’t need to think about is how difficult it’s going to be to find a house already built that has everything I want, how difficult a lot in our price range will be to find, how my husband and I may never agree on a house plan if we do build, etc.  That’s all I’m going to say because just by writing that I now must do damage control – but I wanted you to get a sense of what I’m talking about.

The next step in utilizing the Law of Attraction, is to feel your emotions as you have these thoughts.  To do this, it would probably be best if you set aside some time – say five minutes – to “have your thoughts and feel them too.”  Kind of like meditation.  As you’re thinking about whatever it is you desire, in my case, a new house, gauge your feelings.  Do you feel good – content, eager, excited, joyous?  Then you’re thinking in the right direction.  But if you’re feeling skeptical, pessimistic, discouraged, or doubtful, you need an attitude adjustment.

The good news is that as you become aware of what’s happening, you’ll be able to better control your thoughts because you’ll feel when you’re thinking wrong.  Feel bad?  Change your thinking.  Feel good?  Keep it going.

If you’ve ever tried to control your thoughts, you know that it’s not an easy task.  This is where your emotions come into play.  Many motivational gurus get this and teach it, but they never tell us why.  It is nearly impossible to control your thoughts, so don’t even try.  Instead, guide your thoughts by reaching for the way you want to feel.  It took me a long time to understand this, but if you do the exercise I mentioned above – meditate for five minutes, thinking and feeling about what it is you want, you’ll get a better understanding.  It’s one of those subjects that’s difficult to put into words.

Let me give you some more examples related to my new house – apply them to your situation.  While I strongly desire a new house, I was dreading moving out of this one because we have so much stuff.  Bam!  There’s something that’s holding me back.  So what I’m going to do now, starting today, is get rid of as much superfluous stuff, a/k/a junk, as possible.  I’m also going to start daydreaming about packing everything up and feeling really good about it.  “Our new house is ready and we’re moving in – oh, what a feeling!”

My husband and I have both been torn over the fact that while we desperately need a new house, he also needs a new dental practice facility.  We desperately need both – you have no idea.  Maybe we’ve been held back by either/or thinking.  I know I’ve been thinking that one must come first and it’s hard to decide.  Bam!  There’s another thing that’s been holding me back.  I realize now that it is possible to have both this next year – a new practice facility and a new house.  It’s been done before, in fact, many professionals make both moves at the same time.  We can do it too.  So instead of looking for one lot, we’re looking for two.  I am still open to the possibility of finding a great house already built, but the new practice will require new construction.  I feel good about this.

Are you starting to get the idea here?  Identifying and confronting your feelings about what you say you want will improve your thinking about it, and make your thoughts a better match for that which you desire.  I’m going to work on this a lot more and I’ll let you know how it goes!

Your Assignment

Spend 5 minutes a day over the next week attracting something positive into your life.  Relax, breathe deeply, think and feel that which you desire.  Start with something small if you want to “test it.”  E-mail me and let me know how it goes for you.

Posted under Leadership, Motivation

Whenever you feel your current performance and behavior is consistent with the best person you can possibly be, your self-esteem goes up.  You feel happier, have more energy, and are positive and personable with others.  Your entire life improves exponentially as your self-esteem rises.  Here, then, are nine ways I have found to increase self-esteem.

1. Exercise daily.  Surprised?  You know you should exercise and you know all the reasons.  You know that it’s one thing you can do for yourself that would have a long-term effect on your mental and physical well-being.  What I’ve learned is that just 30 minutes every morning of walking on my treadmill jump starts my self-esteem for the day and keeps it going all day long.  So the next time you’re thinking of sleeping in instead of working out, don’t think of your routine as weight loss or body building, instead, remind yourself that your self-esteem needs this workout.
2. Keep your commitments.  Especially the ones you make to yourself.  Going back to exercising for a moment.  Every time you make a commitment to yourself to get up tomorrow morning and work out, but then don’t – your self-esteem is negatively affected.  If you’ll watch yourself, you’ll  probably notice that you then berate yourself all day over other things.  This is true for any commitment you make, but especially those that you make to yourself.  You know that you have no excuse for not following through, and you end up beating yourself up.  So keep your commitments – all of them.
3. Plan your work and work your plan.  This is an old paradigm with a contemporary approach.  When you set your plan for the day, I’m assuming that you do so in a manner that is consistent with what you think would be the best use of your time.  So, when you implement your plan, you are “consistent with the best person you can possibly be,” causing your self-esteem to soar.
4. Help someone else.  Perform an RAK – Random Act of Kindness.  Do something nice for someone else without being asked.  Return someone’s cart at the grocery store; pitch in to help a co-worker who is behind with her work; let someone get in front of you in line.  Only powerful people do these sorts of things and knowing that you have power increases your self-esteem.
5. Remember your purpose.  You are a unique individual here to provide a valuable service or resource to the rest of us.  What is it?  Just remembering this fact causes your self-esteem to rise.
6. Act on your purpose.  If you’re not sure what you’re purpose in life is, find out.  Then, do just one thing today in line with that purpose.  I guarantee this will improve how you feel about yourself.
7. Learn something new.  Remember how good you felt when you were in elementary school and you learned a new subject.  Or when you learned something new at work, had to apply it, you performed really well and everyone noticed.  Even when we learn something new and nothing happens to give us recognition for it, we still feel better about ourselves for having learned it.  After all, you will have that information the next time you need it.  Anytime we learn something, our self-esteem goes up because we know we’re capable of learning, doing, and accomplishing consistently more throughout our lives.  The people who are the happiest in their retirement – and statistically live longer – are the people who continue to learn new subjects long after the “need” to do so expires.  I say the need to learn never stops.  If you’ve truly reached the highest level in your career, there’s nothing more for you to learn, maybe it’s time for a new career – like teaching others what you know. 
8. Teach someone else how to do something.  Whether it’s teaching your children or grand-children how to read, a co-worker how to do part of your job, or writing a step-by-step guide for your husband on how to fix dinner, there are plenty of things you know that others would love to learn.  Teaching someone else to do something successfully – meaning that they can then do it for themselves, is one of the greatest feelings in the world.  Maybe that’s why we’re always drawn to teachers – they are full of self-esteem!
9. Create your own.  While many more ways exist to increase one’s self-esteem, these are the main ones that I share in my seminars on career development.  Each of us has our own unique triggers that work for us and some things work at certain times better than others do.  You have certain behaviors or things that you do that you know make you feel good about yourself.  Keep a list somewhere handy and refer to it often.

Your Assignment

If you’re having trouble setting aside time to do the above list and need help immediately, try this:

• List ten things you like about yourself.
• List five of your most positive characteristics.
• List three goals you have set and accomplished.
• List the two most important lessons you’ve ever learned.
• Name one major tragedy or setback that you have survived.

Posted under Inspiration, Leadership, Motivation

I attended my first Toastmasters meeting last Thursday evening.  This is a startup group in Maysville, Kentucky so we had members from other chapters attending to show us how a proper meeting is conducted.  While there is a standard format that all groups are required to follow, each chapter does have the privilege of adapting certain rules to meet their needs.

One point of contention among the visiting members was the use of a bell used by the “Ah counter/Grammarian” to mark the use of filler words anytime such a word was used while the member was presenting a topic.  Several members voiced their annoyance at the use of the bell and at first, I also found the bell annoying, until I found out why it was being used.

As a professional speaker, I would be horribly offended at someone who rang a bell during my speech for any reason whatsoever.  But as an educator, I saw the need for the bell as the night wore on.  As each speaker took the podium to perform for us, it became abundantly clear which members came from clubs who utilized the bell and which ones did not; the speakers familiar with the bell were much better speakers.

Not everyone who joins Toastmasters is out to become a platform speaker.  Many people join simply to improve their speech and most business people join to become better communicators in their work.  This is the most important aspect of communication – everyday use.  While most people find it annoying to listen to a speaker who uses Um’s and Ah’s every other word, once the speech is over, it’s over, and we move on – so the speaker wasn’t the best, big deal.  What were his main points and what did I learn from his message?  If that can be answered, I’ll forgive the Uh’s and Um’s. 

There are much more important reasons to eliminate fillers from your everyday vocabulary; when you use Um, Uh, or any other filler, it says one of two things about you to the listener.  Either one, you don’t know what you’re talking about, and therefore have no authority.  Or two, you’re making up something in your head, i.e. you’re lying.  Let me give you two examples.

My husband is a Dentist and spends a lot of time each year in continuing education learning more and more advanced techniques.  He performs a lot of advanced procedures and therefore, gets a lot of questions about them.  When I listen to him on the phone making a follow-up call, it’s sometimes painful; he uses “um” a lot.  What’s going through his head when a patient asks a question is; how do I translate this into terms the patient can understand? (He knows everything in clinical terms, but the layperson would not – therefore, he must translate.)  He also has to try to remember the intellectual level of the patient.  In other words, how basic does he need to get?  He also has to remember the personality of the patient and decide if he or she is requesting lots of details, or the big picture.  While his mind is trying to decipher all of this, his mouth is going “Uuuhhh.”

Now think of this from the patient’s perspective.  Let’s say that you’ve been in his office for an onlay (advanced kind of filling).  You were numbed for the procedure and it took place late in the afternoon – around 3 PM.  It is now 6:30 and your Dentist, (my husband), is calling to see how you’re doing and you ask, “How long do I need to wait before I can eat?”  You know that the onlay was “cemented in” and are curious as to whether getting it wet would be an issue.  What you’re looking for is an easy answer - something like, “2 hours.” 

What’s going through my husband’s mind is this:  She was numbed up 3.5 hours ago, she could still be numb (everyone reacts differently).  If she eats while still numb, she could bite her cheek or tongue and be really sore and I don’t want that to happen.  She could also have a high bite and not know it yet because she’s numb and if she eats on that side with a high bite it could cause the tooth to be sore, etc. etc. etc.  He’s also trying to decide if the patient could handle all of this information – usually not – so he’s trying to figure out exactly the best way to answer the question.  What comes out of his mouth while all this mental processing is going on is, “Uuuuuhhhhhh.”  Then, he usually asks another question like, “Are you still numb?” takes it from there and is fine after that.  If the patient asks another question, though, the process starts all over again. 

If you are the patient in this scenario and you hear, “Uuuhhh,” you could be thinking, “Oh no!  I’ve gone to a Dentist who doesn’t even know how long I should wait before eating!”  Luckily, for my husband, by the time he reaches this point, his patient has some familiarity with him and knows that’s not the case.  However, for most us in this situation, our authority is questioned.

Let’s look at another example.  You’re in an electronics store seriously considering a new DVD player.  You ask the salesperson, “How much is this one?”  The first thing you hear is a long, “Ummmm.”  What’s your next thought?  If you’re like me, it’s something like:  Oh, boy.   Here we go.  He’s sizing me up trying to figure out how much he can take me for.  Why do all these guys have to be such jerks?  There is no set price for this DVD player – he’s making it up as he goes.  When the salesperson finally comes back with a number, bam, you know he’s lying.  Why?  Simply because he used a filler while he collected his thoughts.

Now don’t get me wrong here.  There are a lot of you out there who use these words and we both know that you’re not a bad or dishonest person, nor are you stupid.  But rest assured, my friend, there are people out there who judge you daily based on these seemingly minor flaws in your communication.  So how are they overcome?

1. Awareness.  The trouble with filler words is that we are completely unaware that we’re using them.  My filler word when I first started training was, “okay.”  I probably said “okay” fifteen times every ten minutes.  During my first week with ExecuTrain, I was video taped and told to watch for the “okay’s.”  I was dumbfounded!  I couldn’t believe how many times I used that word. 
2. Practice and persistence.  Once I became aware of the problem, I started hearing it myself while it was happening.  For the next few weeks, when I was teaching a class, I would make a mark on a sheet of paper every time I heard myself say, “okay.”  Just doing that immediately reduced the number of times I used it and eventually eliminated it all together.  Then I started marking other filler words until I had them all eliminated.
3. Silence.  Instead of saying Um, say nothing.  It’s okay to take a moment to stop and think.  What you don’t realize is how little time it takes your brain to process all the information it needs and come back with an intelligent response.  When I was video taped in college during a teaching presentation, I had what I thought were several long pauses.  I was embarrassed and thought my professor would take points off for them.  When I watched the video, I was amazed at how little time actually passed while I was thinking of an appropriate answer to a question posed by someone from my audience. 
4. Substitution.  If you need to look something up, say so.  If you don’t know the answer to a question off the top of your head, instead of saying, “Uh,” say, “I’m not sure; let me look that up for you.”  No one expects you to know everything about everything.  In fact, most of us get annoyed with people who pretend to know everything!

As a professional speaker, I have a love-hate relationship with the Toastmasters bell.  As a business communications instructor, I know its value.  Ringing that bell made each presenter aware of her discretion.  Repeated use of it did work to make the speaker stop and think before using it again.  Audiotaping would also make a speaker aware of filler words and an even greater reinforcement would be the use of video.  We never see ourselves three dimensionally, so we have no clue as to how we’re presenting ourselves to others.  Video is the closest thing we have to getting a realistic picture of all our communication skills, verbal and non-verbal.  The best thing about video is that you get to see not only what you’re doing wrong, but also what you’re doing right.  Issues I thought were huge while I was presenting came across as very minor – and vice versa!  So watch yourself every chance you get.

Your Assignment

If you have an opportunity to video yourself speaking, even in an every day situation, do it.  If not, try borrowing an audio recording device and record a role-play scenario with a co-worker.  Listen for filler words and anything else that could potentially misrepresent you to your client.  If you find yourself guilty of certain verbal “faux pas,” keep practicing and recording yourself until you have them eliminated from your everyday communication.

Posted under Education

Did you know that habits are the key to success or failure?  It’s true.  The only difference between a successful person and someone still striving is their habits.  The successful person has picked up on and developed the habits that will allow her to make all the money she wants while maintaining balance between her career, and her home.

While the specific habits vary with each career discipline, I have found that most people know what individual habits would truly help them achieve their dreams.  The problem seems to lie in acquiring the good habits and getting rid of the bad ones. 

Whether it’s smoking, over-eating, sleeping too much, or just something you don’t want to do anymore, a bad habit is quickly and easily overcome if your resolve is strong enough.  Let me give you an example.

When my father found out he was having open-heart surgery and would no longer be able to smoke, he quit.  That was it.  Nothing gradual about it.  It was an emergency situation, not a choice.  He probably had withdrawal symptoms and cravings, but we never knew about them.  His life depended on breaking the habit; so he did.  Years later, he couldn’t believe he ever smoked.

When my ex sister-in-law found out she was expecting a baby, she immediately stopped drinking diet sodas.  She had read that the chemicals could be dangerous to the fetus and even though she had tried many times before to stop drinking sodas, when she thought her baby’s life was at stake, she stopped immediately and says she never missed it.

I know that many of you reading this have probably tried to break habits like smoking, caffeine addiction, and others and know that just making a decision to quit is not enough.  But these two examples, and there are many others like them, prove that it can be done, suddenly, and with no working up to it, if the motivation is strong enough.  However, most of us don’t face a life or death situation when it comes to our bad habits, and try though we might, trying to trick ourselves into thinking it’s life or death probably would not work either.  So how can we develop the habits we want and get rid of the ones we don’t? 

1. Start each day (or each hour) fresh.  Think short-term, not long-term.  Of course, you want this change to be long-term, but what typically happens is that you think, “I’ll never be able to eat a jelly doughnut again!”  Then what happens?  Your entire body starts craving a jelly doughnut.  So instead of, “I’m quitting smoking starting today,” say, “just for today, I’m not going to smoke.”  Take it down to the hour, or perhaps 4 hours – something you know you can manage.  Then, at the end of the hour, four hours, or day, realize that you’re still alive, and promise yourself again that just for the next four hours you’re not going to smoke.  If you break down and simply must have that which you are trying to deny yourself, don’t give up.  Have that cigarette or jelly doughnut and then resolve that for the next four hours, you’ll be good.  Each day, start over.  Each day will get easier and after about 30 days, your brain and body will be revitalized.
2. Repeat positive affirmations to yourself constantly.  Think, or even say aloud, “I am a non-smoker.”  “I eat like 123-pound person.”  “I am an early riser.”  Say these things over and over to yourself constantly throughout the day.  Make sure the statement you’re using is positive and in the affirmative, hence the description, “positive affirmation.”  In other words, don’t use phrases such as, “I am not a smoker, I don’t like cigarettes.”  “I don’t overeat; I don’t like food.”   Pretend that you have already achieved your desired habit and you’re telling someone about it. “I weigh 123.”  “I get up every morning at 6 AM.”
3. Write it down.  While repeating your positive affirmation many times throughout the day is a great way to get started, an even greater reinforcement is to write out your affirmation as many times as you can.  Ideally, you’d write it down three times a day, morning, noon, and night; when you arise, during your lunch hour, and before you go to sleep.  If that’s not possible, try jotting it down while you’re on hold, stuck in traffic, or right before meditating.  Write it as many times as you think of it.  Writing something down requires input from both sides of your brain; it’s a whole-brained activity.  The more you engage your whole brain, the sooner you’ll accomplish your habit, and success.
4. One at a time, please.  Don’t try to change everything about yourself in one fell swoop.  Work on only one major habit, and maybe two more small ones, at most.  Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and even God took six days to create our universe.  If you throw too many changes at your subconscious all at once, it will just revolt and do nothing.
5. Revel in pleasure.  When a habit has truly been formed, it becomes a pleasure to perform.  (That’s why the bad ones are hard to break!)  Every time you make progress, take a moment to think about how good it feels to be the new you.  For example, if you’ve made it a day without smoking, think about what a pleasure it is to finally be a non-smoker.  You smell better, food tastes better, etc.  When you sit down to a meal and eat an appropriate amount, enjoy the feeling of not being stuffed, enjoy how good it feels to feel light and energetic.  When you do get up at 6 AM, think about how great it feels to have extra time throughout the day to accomplish your tasks in an easy and relaxed manner, and to get more done without any extra effort.  As you revel in pleasure every time you succeed, you’re programming your mind to want to do that over and over again.  This simple fact explains why people with money tend to make more and more money; people who are successful enjoy more and more success, etc.
6. Negate negative with positive.  Not everyone has the most supportive friends and/or family.  When someone finds out you’re quitting smoking or losing weight and says, “You’ve got to be kidding me. You?”  Just respond with, “Yes, me.  I’m quitting.  I’m living healthfully from now on.”  Every time they say something negative, just come back with something positive.  Keep doing it until they get the hint and shut up.  Of course, you can always say, “Shut up.”  But that leaves your mind on a negative note.  So go ahead and say shut up, but then follow it with a positive affirmation, if only to yourself!
7. Visualize your future self.  Create a crystal clear picture of what you’re going to look like, or what your life will look like once you have acquired this habit.  And I mean crystal clear.  Don’t know what you would look like at your ideal weight because you’ve never been there?  Okay, so what size would you be?  An 8?  Go out and buy a pair of size 8 jeans and hang them on the back of your closet door.  Hold them up to your waste in the mirror every day.  Image yourself putting them on and they fit – comfortably.  Go ahead and buy a pair that you would really wear, after all, you’re going to need them.

You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are.  You’ve just developed a few bad habits that are holding you back from being all you could be.  Get rid of most of those bad habits, replace them with good ones, and then enjoy your success.

Your Assignment

What is the one habit that is holding you back the most?  What one habit would, if you could establish it, propel you further in your career?  Today, create a plan for eliminating the bad and developing the good.

Posted under Leadership, Motivation