Everyone seems to be seeking life balance these days; it’s the most common question I receive in speeches and seminars and the most requested topic when someone calls to book me for a presentation.  Most people believe that their “work” life is out of balance with their “real” life and they want a quick fix or a list of steps or a ritual to perform to make it all better.  And I do provide that – the information on how to achieve life balance, anyway.

Today I’m going to make you stretch your thinking a little by saying that, are you ready for this (?), you already have life balance.

Yep.

It’s true.

Your work, your daily activities, your thoughts, and your feelings all represent the balance of who you think you are.  Let me explain.

Every day, all day long, we make choices.  We commit to things we’re asked to do.  Some are work related, others are personal.  Most of us over-commit, but that’s another post.

When we make these choices, there is always at least a split-second decision-making process that goes on in our minds.  Usually, the question we ask ourselves is, “Should I do this?”  And out of a sense of “obligation,” we say Yes - to anything, and everything.  Then, we harbor resentment toward the person or the activity, and when the time comes, we let our resentment put us in a bad mood, and complain about how we’re overworked, over stressed, and “out of balance.”

In reality, the “should do’s” in our lives come from our perception of who we believe we are, have become, or are becoming.  “I want my kids to remember me as an involved parent, so I’ll attend all the school meetings, coach all the sports teams, and volunteer to run all of the fundraisers.  I want my boss to like me so I’ll sign up for every extra project at work that I can, work 80 hours a week instead of 40-45, not ask to be paid overtime even though I really need the money, and do everything I can to make sure everyone sees what I do, how committed I am, and how much better I am than everyone else.  I want my spouse to love me and realize he/she can’t live without me, so I’ll be the perfect wife/husband by never complaining about all the work I do, even though it’s all for them.  Being a good church member is very important to me, so I’ll commit myself to attending every service and being as involved as I can.  And doing all of this will make me happy, or, if not, I’ll be too busy to notice.  Oh no, wait, I’m out of balance!”

Or dead!

Does this person’s life sound “out of balance” to you?  I agree.  It does.  But here’s the thing.  It’s not.

Our lives are perpetually in balance.  How?  Twenty-four hours in every day.  Seven days in every week.  Fifty-two weeks in every year.

What is out of balance is our thinking.  Your self-image of who you are is what dictates the answers to those “should do” requests.  Shift your thinking, shift your self-image, and you will suddenly feel the life balance you are seeking.  How? 

Define your values.  If being at every event for all three of your children is a top priority for you, that’s fine!  But be realistic about the time commitment required and balance (our word of the day) that value with the others in your list. 

Some of the most successful and highly-paid people in the world admit to working 80-hour weeks in order to get ahead.  That’s fine, too!  But they either didn’t have a family during those years, or they weren’t around much for them. 

Maintaining a welcoming home can be a full-time job.  Most women I know who are full-time homemakers and mothers admit to not knowing how women who work do everything.  In reality, they don’t.  Something inevitably goes undone because of that whole 24-hours-in-a-day concept again. 

Too often in my seminars, I see women comparing themselves to their neighbors; the working mother beats herself up because her house isn’t as clean as the lady’s next door who stays home, and the full-time mom beats herself up because she’s not helping her husband make a living for the family!  Who’s right and who’s wrong?  Both, and neither.  It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about what matters to you.  What do you want?  What makes your heart sing?

If every woman (and man) would do what makes her soul feel satisfied, the children, bosses, spouses, and churches would all be the better for it.  Why?  When you take care of yourself, most importantly your soul, everything else falls into place.  After all, life is balanced.  God knew what He was doing when He created 24/7/52.  Don’t you think?

Until next time,

Live joyfully!

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