I’ve been feeling a little draggy this week.  I don’t know if it’s the weather, daylight savings time, coming off a retreat weekend, or something else, but I’ve had trouble getting into my usual groove.

It’s not that I’m not motivated. I have lots to do that I am excited about and I have been working.  I have a breakthrough goal for the end of this month that truly energizes me.  And it’s not that I’m down or depressed, I feel quite wonderful, as usual.  I know that I am in complete control of my days, every minute, and that I am the co-creator of my life.  It’s just, well, I think I’m too relaxed!  Is that possible?

At the retreat, my eyes opened to a whole new level of thinking.  Christine brought her favorite books to share with us and I ended up spending a lot of time with Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life.  At the end of this book, Louise lists physical ailments and some affirmations you can use to support your existence and eliminate those physical issues.  Amazingly (to me), every physical condition in my body came back to the same recurring theme of affirmations for me – “All is Well.” 

Hmmmmm.  I know that.  I mean, ultimately, I think I know that.  We live in light and well-being; God is all around us.  Of course all is well.  But there was another recurring affirmation that I had some discomfort with – “I trust the process of life.”  For some reason, that statement generates anxiety in me.  Why?

Ready for some irony?  One of my intentions that I had set for the retreat, (because I believe you always get out of something what you put into – or the intentions you set forth), was to learn how to become more easy and relaxed.  Well, hello!  I got plenty of that!  You see, I normally have to put forth effort to go about my day in an easy and relaxed manner.  And I do it – all the time – even though that might seem like the ultimate oxymoron to many of you.  I take control of my mind and body anytime I start to feel tense or begin to get too upset over a situation.  It was my feeling, prior to this week, that if those feelings of ease and relaxation could come more naturally to me, I would be “ahead of the game” sort to speak.

Well, I’ve decided I don’t like it.  I like having a little fire under me – it makes me feel alive.  I have concluded, after much reflection, that the reason the statement, “I trust the process of life,” doesn’t sit well with me is because it implies a sort of “letting go” that I’m just not comfortable with at this point in my life.  It implies, to me at least, that there’s a possibility that I may not get everything accomplished I’m supposed to before my time here is up.  I don’t like that feeling, but I am going to work on it.  Being more trusting of the universe is on my vision board, and I’ll keep you informed.

The good news is, just writing about this and making this “confession” makes me feel better.  It feels good to take back control.  Whew!  Lots to do – and I’m thankful for all of it.

My life is my work; my work is my life.  I love my life.  I am the luckiest person alive!

Posted under Inspiration, Motivation