If you’re having trouble coming up with New Year’s Resolutions to make, consider becoming self-sufficient in 2007.  For most of us, that would mean becoming financially self-sufficient, or, at the very least, not being dependent upon someone else for our basic needs. 

I know a lot of women who, for most if not all of their lives, have been financially dependent upon a man for financial support.  While it’s a nice, romantic idea, it’s an idea that is finally and completely outdated.  Depending upon a man, or anyone else for that matter, for financial support, or to, in any way, provide your basic needs is not smart.  Here’s why.

1. Women typically outlive their husbands.  Grief does not end at 5 PM the day of the funeral.  And what makes grieving worse, is not knowing how to drive, take care of the car, balance the checkbook, manage your financial accounts, change the light bulbs, flip the breaker, call the repairman for the washing machine, etc.  I know of one woman whose husband took care of the house cleaning and now, since his death, is consumed with how to dust, what to dust, when to dust, and whether to hire someone to dust.  She’s having trouble advancing through the grieving process because she was so dependent on him.  It’s painful to watch someone go through this.
2. Being financially dependent upon a man means that you must sometimes put up with treatment that is not respectful of you.  This is a shame and is the reason so many women stay in abusive relationships.  Knowing that you can support yourself, and your children if applicable, increases your self-esteem and makes you much less vulnerable to an abusive situation.  It’s not about working to make “extra” money, it’s about working in a good enough job that you could support yourself and your family if necessary.  While your husband may never leave you, drive you away, or die, it has happened to many women and it is naive to think it could never happen to you and irresponsible of you to not be prepared to provide for your family.  Granted, there is welfare, but is that really how you want to live long-term?
3. Today’s man wants help in earning a living for the family.  Gone are the days, and the men, who wanted to go to work while the wife stayed home and kept the house clean and meals properly prepared.  Today’s husband would prefer to live in a slightly messed house and eat out while the woman works and helps bring home the bacon rather cook it.  It’s difficult to provide for an entire family and it’s a lot of stress and pressure.  And let’s face it ladies, we did ask for that change in attitude – now it’s our turn to accept women’s’ liberation and become fully equal!  Granted, some of us had it thrust upon us by our ancestors, but it really is best for us in the long run.

So how does a woman, who is currently dependent upon her husband, become self-sufficient?

Find a way to make money.  You need a financial plan if, for example, your current spouse should decide he would prefer to spend the rest of his life with someone else now that your children are grown.  (It happens.)  Keep your skills in check and, if you know your skills are out-dated, take some classes at a local college or university.  There are lots of ways to make money on the internet these days – research what might work for you.
Learn how to do everything yourself, or know who to call.  I’m not suggesting that you necessarily learn how to change a flat tire – although you can – just have someone you can call, besides your husband, like, AAA.  I’m not saying you have to learn all of this in one day, or even a week – give yourself a year.

Beware of the fallout.  When you start learning how to be self-sufficient, your husband may start to worry that you’re thinking of leaving him.  Reassure him that you’re simply wanting to lighten his load.  He’ll continue to be suspicious for a while, but soon he’ll start to appreciate your assistance and value the change he sees in your self-esteem. 

You can have a life completely autonomous from that of your family and spouse.  I know that’s still a foreign concept for many of you, but it is true and to most successful women, it goes without saying.  Your family is a part of who you are as a person, not the other way around.

Becoming self-sufficient is freeing.  When you are married because you choose to be and not because you have to be you’ll find yourself in a much better relationship.  In a future post, I’ll discuss how to get your husband to do his share around the house.

Your Assignment

Do something today that your husband normally does.  Take out the trash, stay late to make extra money at work, or take the car for its oil change.

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Posted under Education, Leadership, Motivation